Still Life

Still Life, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

2nd sick day this week...sniffly, sneezy, kind of want to sleep all day sick. But I had time to think about the state of the world and the state of life as we know it.

I have had time to think about the bonuses that the CEOs paid themselves. I have had time to think about bailouts and executive salaries. I have had time to laugh about the music and the football game and so much stuff.

Living the Dream

Living the Dream, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I almost left without the family. Even though I had already told them that this MLK day was a very special one to me and that it was part of an ultra historic week for me. They wanted to hang out, watch TV and play video games. Even after we got there the magnitude of the moment continued to elude them. This was the culmination of the dream. The talent was only mediocre. I had attended better organized events. The mood in the salon though was electric. People of all income strata, ethnic groups and political ideologies waiting for the birth of this new era of hope.

Here are the faces of the new era. Faces and neighborhoods no longer divided along racial lines. A new place in which we practice loving our neighbors as ourselves. A time when we can truly believe that all men and women are brothers and sisters. Adelante.

This is one man's perspective on the best three days of 2009. Day one is MLK Day; Day two is the inauguration of Barak Obama; Day three is my 52nd birthday.

The Blue Room

The Blue Room, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

It has been a tough week. Sick kids; lots of court activity; school conferences; volleyball playoffs. I am exhausted, but I wanted to share this gem with you all. The blue lights and the b/w print on the wall. Seem to be from two different worlds. I think that is what caught my attention.

Optimum Color

Optimum Color, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Today is one of those now blended holidays that we have. Too many days off from our increasingly need-to-be productive jobs. We would hate to admit that maybe we already have enough of this and that. That we have enough time and food and clothing and such. Those lucky few of us who have the day may feel the need to fill our deliciously free time with activities - working out, cleaning, shopping, or some other kind of pro-Calvinist superior work ethic kind of activity. What about just relaxing today? Sitting in front of a warm fireplace? What about curling up in bed with a good book and your favorite beverage? What about catching up on the sleep that so many of us find ourselves truly deprived of?

I am sitting and having my second cup of coffee and watching the people as they come and go. Stilletos and tight jeans here. Close fitting chic leather. Upscale fitting of an Uptown Starbucks. Trendy but not gauche.

These leaves are for my camera club digital salon submission. I stopped and took these just yesterday on my way to work. Just a few contemplative minutes in one of my old bicycle haunts. Woodsy but not wooded. Robber baron mansions high on the hill in Minneapolis. Beautiful homes. One not to far from where Mary Tyler Moore "lived" in the 70s here in Minneapolis.

It is a crisp morning with warnings of approaching storms. That likely means cold and snow here, but it is time. I think Minneapolis deserves a rest; a good holiday. Enjoy!

JL

I took a chance and followed up on her casting call. I was certain she would dismiss me as amateur but we were able to schedule a session. Good thing, because it is certainly too cold now for the fun kind of shoot we had three weeks ago. Leaves were aglow with color. Slightly cloudy; partly sunny, depending on your perspective. This image came from the end of the shoot. Wooded, covered and in need of a skosh of fill-flash.

Dancin' in the Streets

Circus Portrait, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I have a dream today." - Martin Luther King


There will be dancin' in the streets. Change is coming.

Back to Writing

I took the summer and most of the fall off. It has been a crazy few months here. My father has been in and out of the hospital. My mother's issues have not become better, and in fact, have gotten worse. The Nazi just keeps doing what she does best. Disinformation is the word for the day. My job is really quite difficult right now. It is harder and harder. Each day takes an extreme emotional toll.

I look forward to getting back to more information sharing.

Needs

We just returned from what is supposed to have been a truly relaxing time. My wife's family converged upon this quiet lake in northern Wisconsin to celebrate the unique flavor and attitude of this family. From Florida, California (San Diego, San Jose, and Sonoma), Wisconsin and Minnesota. Three generations of this family together. I guess I am about to get into the middle of the maelstrom now, so I will have to return to these thoughts later.

Random Moments

We have to prove that we are working on or addressing Child Welfare issues in order to get federal funding for our position. So let me briefly tell you about my day on Tuesday. It was the second day of scheduled trial. We did not meet on Monday for reasons yet unclear to me. The attorneys finagle most of this anyway. But Tuesday morning we are ready to start testimony at 8:30 a.m. But someone isn't there. Lots of hostile people waiting in the large unenclosed space outside the courtroom. The prospective adoptive families are waiting; the mother and the two fathers are waiting with their individual and collective support persons. There is an advocate from the transitional housing program. There are grandmothers who have not been willing to care for the kids. There is a sibling to one of the fathers, who only recently was reunified with her children. There is conflict in the air because this sibling is the ex-girlfriend of the other father. The sister to this father is dating the brother of the kin foster care provider. Enough yet?

The attorneys start to call this near brouhaha The Jerry Springer Show. I am prepped and ready to go when the county attorney starts to hint that the judge is not likely to TPR the children, especially since one of the fathers has not really done anything wrong. Of course, before this judge took the case, the previous judge informed me that I was not in a position to make decisions or recommendations to address this situation. We could not place this man's daughter with him at that time. Now we are looking at making sure that his rights are protected. So hear this mini-series of a story. His case plan was rather simple - address the domestic violence, complete a chemical health evaluation, and complete both psychological and parenting evaluations. What did he do? Just the psychological evaluation. He is the master of procrastination. The blame goes to everyone but him. He did actually assault his wife. They were on the brink of divorce or separation at some point. They never did any marital counseling. She failed to obtain the OFP and moved in with the other dad's sister (who hates her husband). Almost an agreement now...look at TLC of the children to the FP. Not as good for the kids; not as much a guarantee of consistency and stability, but better than letting these three children - ages 4, 3, and 2, return to the care of this severely dysfunctional family.

Deal falls through. Judge says trial to begin immediately following lunch. We all leave and return to more pointless negotiations. Judge takes the attorneys into chambers where who-knows-what happens, but my attorney comes back with an off-the-wall settlement proposal. Allow the judge to make the decision. This man who knows squat about our case, except what he has seen in recent hearings and what the attorneys have told him in secret, expects to make an informed decision about what is in the children's best interests. You decide for yourself.

Mom has 4 treatment episodes in the last 22 months; has been repeatedly homeless; has been reunified with her children 3 times during that period; has not consistently attended therapy (DBT recommended); allowed a Level 3 sex offender to "store property" (meaning live with her) while she was still working with Child Protection; was involved in a drunken domestic with the father of her two older children (he had not been working his case plan either, obviously); became homeless as a result of the domestic; failed to follow the recommendations for treatment, therapy and domestic abuse intervention; lied to treatment center staff; renewed the relationship with the boyfriend/father of children; failed to get safe and suitable housing (until just one day before the trial); and chose Valley Fair over a regularly scheduled supervised visit with her children. There is more but too much more would not really make our case strong enough.

We go back to court mid-September and the judge will take testimony about the TLC options. Meanwhile mom is now leaving for NYC to attend the wedding of her father. Gone for one entire week, missing two visits with her kids. She has been advised to take a UA before leaving and immediately upon her return.

So in the midst of all this I get a Random Moment e-mail requiring me to respond ASAP to what part of Child Welfare I was engaged in at a particular randomly selected moment. My life almost always is about what is in someone else's children's best interest. Hurry September.

Peace in the Valley

As you can see I took the month of July off from this blog. Why nothing new? Simple. I have been swamped - emotionally, spiritually and physically. We are in the throes of potential layoffs at work. Make our already impossible jobs more difficult. We will have to find a way to simply do this. The kids are that important. Every child deserves a chance for a happy childhood. Every mistreated and abused child grows up with the potential to become more of the same. Stop the madness early and we will not have to repeat the cycle so often.



I know that children love the people who bring them into the world. Sometimes those very people charged initially with the immense responsibility to raise the children abandon them. As a society if we do take care of our children we become a rash and impulsive society. Attachment issues carry through into adult life. Poor family relationships become more dysfunctional. I see parents who do not know what to do with their children during a one hour supervised visit. I see parents who can't set limits; have no real expectations for themselves or their kids; are easily overwhelmed by simple life challenges and check out emotionally when their basic needs are not met.

Sad but true. There is little protection in Child Protection these days. I am not certain that this is all good. Even in the midst of drug abuse, domestic violence, and family dysfunction children are being sent back to live with parents who are not prepared to care for them. It has become a waiting game. The parents know about bloated case loads and the tremendous pressures and scrutiny Child Protection has. All they have to do is wait. Wait for a slip or a glimmer of truculence from the judge. Wait for enough time to become a thorn in the virtual judicial side. Pounce then and discredit the professionals and increase your chances for a reunification.


OK, enough ranting for now. There are happy endings.

Enough

Sometimes people intentionally push your buttons. I don't know why but I would guess that it is a subtle form of control or manipulation. It is quite difficult to simply resist reacting to the digs and snips and stuff that falls on you in the process of doing life's every day stuff. Today was one of those days...somebody always pushing and prodding and poking at me. I made a sincere effort at smiling today, appreciating the sunshine...laughing at the inane and tossing some caution to the wind. In my life everyone wants something from me...and most often they need it yesterday. Some days I want to pull a Forest Gump and start running - anywhere would be a good start and I could easily get there.

Earlier today my son asked about his grandmother. He hasn't been able to see her in almost 18 months. My crazy sister would not dare "allow" her to visit here. Argh!

Markets

The stock market goes up and then it goes down. The fuel prices rise when the stock markets rises and they rise a bit more when the stock market has a tough day. Other energy sources are tied to the rise of the petrol prices. More people walking, more riding scooters and motorcycles; even more using public transportation. America.

Thoughts

We continue to do the things that make us feel comfortable. America is on the verge of becoming something very different than what it has ever done before. Our recent Democratic Presidential candidate selection process - a non-white male and a Caucasian woman. Something is going on here that the pundits and sages have not been able to predict. The right is upset and slinging mud like no one's business.

The US is also teetering on the edge of financial disaster. Economic policy of the current administration has accelerated an already sure decline in US authority and respect around the globe. We have enriched the pockets of a few for favors and influence. Now the Piper is taking just due - not demanding it, simply exacting the veritable pound of flesh.

Oil up (NPR reports because of the Fed and it's poor money policies); housing down(Bush cronies take advantage of poor and reap huge profits); employment down and accelerating; food up (production and transportation costs as well as biofuels); productivity ironically higher that it has been in many years, yet wages stagnant or decreasing (except for the 1%).

It touches all the old sectors. Here is an "irony" for us all. China needs steel and is exceeding the demand of steel they can produce. Gary, IN, is bust. Didn't we make the steel for the world just years ago? India and China are becoming economic behemoths (just by the sheer size of their populations). Russia is becoming a petro-rich power-wielding no-quarters yielding global power. Our Old Glory has faded in influence and respect; perhaps rightfully so.

China exports to the world. We are the largest debtor nation. We spend our resources on war while we watch global competitors use R & D to bolster economies. We stick our heads in the sand when China dumps "knock-offs" here. We purchase weapons and over spend. We laugh at the folly of the working class...caught between that rock and that hard place called bankruptcy.

We have SUVs and high gas. We have overpriced condos and townhomes, but someone made a bundle. We have speculators making a Wall Street killing and producing nothing. We have the DJIA tanking regularly. We have lies, damn lies and even more lies, but we have too much "information" to make good decisions. We have public sale of media and FCC cooperation with conflict of interest companies. We have stuck our tails between our legs and come back lacking a strong backbone. We are now the bully who no longer commands respect. Get over ourselves. We are a 3rd world nation who does not know it yet.

Next to go will be off-shore drilling, continued rape of our forests, contamination of our water supplies and the depletion of our natural resources. Enough enough enough already.

Dark Woman?

inspired by the photograph linked above

what is a dark woman?

is it the mystery
she contains within?
is it the contrast between
the iris and the white of her eye?
is it the veil
that obscures natural beauty?
the glowing quality of her skin?
is it the needs
we know she will fulfill?
mammy, wet nurse, cook, the maid.

who is the dark woman?

one whose presence remains unknown
indifferent to us yet not alone
she who heals and removes the hurt
she who moves quietly now
patient discrete persistent replete
she who knows us; staid and mighty.


no, simply the shadow of doubt
cast upon her by a society troubled
by years of indoctrination, centuries of
unexplored psychology, a history of
repression and xenophobia.

your neighbor, your wife,
your colleague or boss, your
partner for life.
we are the dark woman...each of us
in some type of way. we who serve
we who pray. we who birth we sashay

we smoke and drink we work we play.
we dance we live we love we laugh

who is the dark woman for you today?

What Eyes

, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

she was watching her sister play softball. she was running the bases after a wonderful hit. i casually grabbed this and a couple of other shots. she was sitting with mother and his twin.

You Did Not Say

Clouds, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

You did not say
I have to be on my knees when to you I pray

You did not say
to hold my hands special when to you I pray

You did not say
wait for a unique time when to you I pray

You did not say
only certain people to you can pray

You did not say
how my heart should be when to you I pray

What you said is true this day

If I do not know how to pray
If I do not know what to say
You have already given me the way

You said to Our Father do I pray
recall that his name is holy, his name the way
know that in heaven we can all go to stay.

All we need to is listen I say
Hear the knock heed the way.

What you said is true tomorrow
An easy way to avoid much sorrow.
Forgive those who do us harm
By mouth and look and their own arm
You give us as much in return
One more way to avoid the burn.

A talk with you can save us more
Temptation is such a general word
Both greed and lust knock on my door.
Wicked siblings also thrive
Of deadly sins there are still five.

From evil take us far away.
Let us find new ways to pray
and tell you back of your great love
and how with love in kid skin glove
you show to us day in and out.

This prayer this song is all about.

You did not say to do or not.
The choice is ours...to live or rot.

It can go like this if just for today

One Red Tulip

One Red Tulip, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

The light yesterday was perfect. Soft and warm. The air was cool, there was a slight breeze blowing the flowers that suddenly sprung up in our garden. I might have missed these if I had not been staring out the window. The kids were out with their mom for Mothers' Day and I was wiped out after a very hectice Sunday School. Lots of wild energetic kids. Just the way they should be (I think?). This is my reward for taking a minute to stop and think about life and love and family. This is my reward for caring enough to get up for Sunday School. This is my reward for taking the time to set up my camera on manual. This is my reward for caring enough to use the features that this camera has. This is just my reward. I was amazed when this was loaded into PSE-5. The color was brilliant, exactly like I had seen it, but the green leaves in the background were kind of muted. I recall them having more saturation. I thought for sure they might be a distraction, but this is what happens when the muses talk with you.

Iris

Iris, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

there are so many things wrong in our world today. prices escalating, war, famine, despair and hatred to name a few. greed would also make the top of my list and may be the reason we have all the problems i listed before. but in the midst of all the problems there is beauty. we have each day before us a new sunrise and new opportunities to make the world right again. imagine if we actually believed that we are good enough to restore our habitat, that we can have peace in this world today, that we have enough food and water on the planet to make sure that everyone has enough. enough must be a factor in our greediness.

i am still spending more money than bringing in. the attorney fees have drained my savings. my loca sister is still pretending that she is the famed white knight for my mother. her days are numbered and the greed that i speak of here is more than likely related to our dilemma. the greed that makes my loca sister think that she can control my mother's life; that she can choose how to spend the money; that she can have her declared incompetent; that she can choose to abuse her at will. everyday i have to choose between what is convenient and what is right. most days that is easy. i have smart attorneys that i can consult with. but what is right or legal may not always be the right thing to do.

i am teaching my children as i teach myself that we can all continue to learn...that we can all make the world a better place not tomorrow but right now. we can all stop and think about the one thing we can do to make this world a better place. pick up that trash (immediate) and dispose of it. recycle, even if not convenient for us today, because it means we have a better world tomorrow. we can all do something so that there is enough. OK?

Self-Portrait

Self-Portrait, originally uploaded by lucienphoto: Luke.

This is me behind the camera. My favorite place in the scheme of things.

Work

It is Saturday morning. I have had my pancakes and bacon, juice and milk. I have run the vacuum to pick up the little dust bunnies floating around our house. I even pulled some down from the ceiling with that great skinny attachment for crevices on the vacuum. It is snowy and windy and cold outside. The chimes on the deck are making that inimitable gong sound. The birds are voraciously feeding and frolicking in the snow. Instead of just hanging out today, I have to go into work. Family Group Conference for a family on whom I have already given up hope. But we will listen to the whining about lack of services and the rants about how unfair the system is to them. I then get to go back to court and say we can't support the plans the family has created. I will be the primary target today. I will be quiet and remain calm.

You Gotta Have Faith

Christina, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I really enjoyed working with this subject. We talked about things other than photography. She had depth and a serious side to her. She is a 3-D being. Here is just one of the many images we were able to capture of her. More to follow.

Wouldn't it be great if everybody you have incidental contact with were so pleasant? How many opportunities do we miss within our own family? Sets of friends? Are we as define and genuine as we could be? Might we have less strife? And pain? I guess I have to ask the person who knows all - My sister who has POA.

Red Petals

Red Petals, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Compassion fatigue....that is what I have. I am emotionally drained. I don't feel like I can give anymore or care anymore. My life is filled with caring for others; often times more than they care for themselves. I am not sure a vacation can fix the problem. I wake up refreshed but somewhere in the process of getting the kids out the door I lose all interest in interacting with others. It drags me back into the hole that I feel I am constantly being forced back into. Thinking about what my work and my life means for others does not give me enough to pull me through the molasses of emotion and despair. It is not winter. It is thinking about this election and preparing for another trial or getting another case (with the same individuals). It is all the driving between here and there and the lack of personal responsibility for everything going haywire in somebody's life somewhere. It is the push towards the next round of emotionally draining court experiences about my mother. The lame sister who claims self-righteousness. It is the parenting of an adolescent. The thanklessness of so many daily things. It is the taking for grantedness that we all share.

I wish that a new job or the lottery would come to save me from this, but I know in reality that I will have to dig deep and find the source for true fulfillment inside of me. Swallow hard and take a deep breath and wait for my wisdom to surface.

Teenagers

My daughter decided she could put a couple more holes in her ears. She conveniently "forgot" about the agreement from just earlier this year. She has not been honest about all that is going on in her "risky secretive" life...of boys and girls and sexual trysts. She thinks that she is the only person to have ever had these hormonal urges and compulsions. Watching her ride the emotional roller coaster of adolescence. It is scary being a parent these days.

Teens

Teens, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Creative use of lighting and shadow. This worked well for this reluctant teen. The conversion to b/w came later. She is the daughter of a co-worker. We spent a considerable amount of time in the studio laughing and letting her know that she would be safe and that nothing harmful would come of the photo. Teens are so very sensitive and concerned about how they present to the world. This fascinates me because so many have a brash and defensive posture that pushes adults away. In reality so many of them are cream puffs just trying to figure out how to get their emotional and quickly changing physical needs met. I think she will enjoy this photograph.

Feeling Better

I have been sick the last week. Body aches and pains...terrible headaches and falling asleep all the time. It should have been a good week for me, but I had these two have to get to court hearings, boys basketball and just other stuff. But today after a long weekend of lounging, napping, sleeping, drinking tea and hot chocolate I feel better. Just in time to go back to work. Back to the place where children are at risk. Back to the place where we choose how much abuse and neglect we can allow. Where do the rights of the parents end and the rights of the children take precedence? Even thinking about my mother, I ask when will the courts do what is right rather than expedient? Who is looking after the rights of the weak? It certainly is not my mother's social worker! It is not that lame judge who ran roughshod over the family gathered in his presence! It is not the immensely inappropriate POA. It is not the GAL we requested but were not able to obtain. It is not the Dept of Human Resources in GA! Waiting for justice in our indifferent court system means waiting in vain.

A Rose by Any Other Name

A Rose by Any Other Name, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sorrowful!

Beautiful Child

Beautiful Child, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

This is film photography. I chose the film and processed the negatives myself. Unfortunately, I did not do this film justice. This was wonderful light in the studio and this was the nearly perfect pose of this darling child looking up at her mother. But still it is an image worthy of posting. No, it doesn't have that shiny digital face. It has lots of grain and you can see the dust on the negative scan...I probably should have cleaned it up in PSE5, but I wanted to see what it would look like on the web.

I also have some negatives of my mother that I must have taken 2007 Mothers' Day. They will likely be grainy as well.

Art is Life

We have all heard the saying that "Life Imitates Art". I am here to say that life really is art. Same hard choices. Business school or History. Foreign language or mathematics. All our choices impact our future choices. Notice though that I only admit "impact". There are too many artists and pseudo artists who have a personal pity party going on. They have some misguided belief that being an artists means suffering and privations. That it means not being able to pay one's electric bill. That it means that the artist is always looking for a patron to sponsor him/her. This morning I looked at a few photographer's websites. More of the information is about how to make money; how to market oneself; how to advertise or not; how to determine what is fair pricing. Makes you think that being an artist might mean choosing to wear two hats ARTIST and business person. It would be nice if people were pounding on your door to have their portraits, weddings and events done and that there was some magical way that you could easily convince them that artists have needs, supplies and expenses, too. But there isn't so, the artist has to establish his/her own fair pricing. A digital camera cost X dollars and will last Y long. When that camera needs to be replaced with a new version it will cost X+ dollars. Other expenses are gas, housing, food, lodging for trips to make the photographs, insurance, pensions or savings, upgrades, education, professional fees. It is quite a bunch to keep track of and we haven't even produced a single photograph yet. It is not free. Time is valuable. Ask any executive who needs to have time in the schedule for 9 holes on Friday afternoon with the lobbyist or the legislator. I think I see why so many of us barely make it. Let's let people really pay for the skill and the energy and talent. We can always donate our time for charitable causes.

Ice on Rocks

Ice on Rocks, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

This is the view from our window. Last night we heard the wind whipping the waves against the frozen shore. Mean temperature of Lake Superior is 40F. Imagine just how treacherous that is for sailors and the poor soul who might wander out onto the rocks for a better view. Cold and slippery...I had a dream that my ever so adventurous daughter took a risk and that I drowned struggling to save her from the icy waters. But it is beautiful just to look at; especially from the warm interior of our room with jacuzzi and fireplace.

Ice

Take take take. Sometimes you have to give them exactly what they ask for. My daughter wants to spend all of her time with her GF and family. She spent the day with her and now she wants to sleep there for the night. I am not going to fight her; mostly because I will not force myself to be around the sulking silly soror. I also intend to put my energy and time into the people who are here and making this a family event. I shared with her my displeasure and even offered her an analogy related to her recent injury. No go. Nothing gets through that tremendous armor plating that she has encased her 13 year-old mind in. Nothing gets through the forcefield of ignorance. But I did take some beautiful photos.

 
 
 
 

Sometimes you just have to go on and do what you know you should be doing. I worked yesterday and was really tired when I arrived home. I thought I might simply like to open a nice bottle of merlot or slip back out to the liquor store to grab some Irish Cream. But we had plans to visit friends for New Year's Eve. These friends have two daughters that are in my Sunday School class. They see me regularly and like me. We have also taken care of their dog when they have been out of town. So we showered and dressed and headed out the door for the 30 minute drive across town on New Year's Eve. My wife was driving because she prefers her style to mine, even though she has creeping night blindness. I sat quietly and snapped some photos on the way. Downtown at dusk; the tunnel, and some interesting lights. Nothing worth keeping. We were moving along at 60mph and I didn't really anticipate a keeper from the bunch. But it was experimental. Play with the shutter; play with the ISO.

There was another couple there. Older, golf buddies of the husband. We had met them before but really had not gotten to talk with them.

The girls were on their starlet best behavior. It was raucous and fun.

Great dinner - roast, potatoes, gravy, and a kickin' salad with pecans and apples and greens. We polished off a couple bottles of wine...one we had not heard of that was awesome and inexpensive (tasty and cheap). Oatmeal raisin cookies, cheesecake for dessert and more wine. The group abandoned the table and headed off into the LR for some discussion - politics, personal views and to get to know each other better.

This night ended too soon for me. Have to do this again. Adults and kids.

Christmas Eve

Almost forgot. The Christmas Eve stories of my job and my life. Let's start with the Child Protection office. Newborn with recent heart surgery sent home with maternal aunt. She will likely not be able to care adequately for this child but the doctors at the hospital felt it was in baby V's best interest. Who am I to argue with that august group? Maternal aunt is probably not prepared to be awake at night; to have to go to the medical appointment followups; and to deal with the diabetic and character-disordered dad and soon-to-be-released from prison sister (who has her own mental health issues).

Supervised visit for Mom #2. She was fraught with panic on Friday because the SV center would not allow her child with a contagious infection to visit. Never mind that Mom needs to get into and stay in CD treatment, address her bi-polar disorder and domestic abuse issues. Get her a d*#n visit ASAP. Scheduled visit and mom began to pick at the care of the child - socks don't fit; clothes are ugly; not taking care of my baby like I would "take care" of her. Did not ask about the infection or anything else except when is my next visit! She has been on my caseload since Thursday morning and i have spent hours dealing with her issues already. Not a good sign.

Mom who let the Level III sex offender "keep his stuff" at her house. She is not remorseful and does not see why Child Protection would be concerned. Father of her two younger children indicated no concern for him either as the perp had adolescent victims in the past and his kids are toddlers. Never mind that he did not ever finish sex offender treatment. These are your neighbors folks. Walking and breathing and waiting for you to relax for just a minute. They are preying upon your kids at My Space and Facebook and lord knows where else. I suppose chat rooms and gaming sites. Well Mom did not get the kids back home - they went to Paternal Grandmother. We will see how long that lasts.

My mother finally surfaced from her most recent "desaparecido". She did not have CNAs available so Ms POA simply decided to take her to her home (I suppose)! No notice to anyone or need to comply with orders that she pretends exist for Mom to have a CNA at all times. She makes me mad. I will get a chance to speak and laugh with my mother for a couple days now. I anticipate she will be more relaxed and at ease. No fussing CNAs or busybody worry wart types trying to quietly kill her. Long may she live. Kids will also be excited to talk with her.

Time for a shower. Kids will be walking in the door soon, bursting with enthusiasm to open Christmas Day presents. Let the mayhem ensue.

Merry Christmas everyone. Peace on this Earth, for at least a few minutes today.

Patty Cake

Portrait sessions are coming along. Word of mouth really is the best advertising you can get. This mother and daughters session may have been the most fun I have had this week. Once everyone loosened up and we started to play, the session time started to fly. Here is one daughter doing something she and her mother usually do. We worked at having the girls be themselves in front of the camera. I will have to send the photos in because they are still on my laptop.

chest cold

have had this annoying chest cold for days. at first it was a nuisance, but the air quality here in town really stinks right now. that means more wheezing and hacking and coughing. i don't want to go running off to the doctor's office, but i know what happened before. i let it continue and had pneumonia. two weeks in bed and so tired i could hardly stand. bad news if that goes this way again. can't coach basketball from the bedroom. so that means i have to endure the poking and prodding and questions at the clinic so that they can tell me what i already know. prednisone for two weeks and then call if the symptoms have not changed enough. do what i must do. do what i must do. do what i must do. takes too much time from work for all this, but better now than later.

My Favorite

The best photograph I have taken in the past couple of weeks was thought out and planned. I was wearing my therapist/social worker hat at the moment that I was inspired, but managed to let my right and left brains talk it out. Here is the result of not stepping on my own creativity. The family likes it too!

Christmas Countdown

We (meaning my wife) finally coaxed the three of us into putting up a Christmas tree. First time in many years that we have not made it out to the lot to fuss and argue over cedars, pines and spruces. Fake tree, ugly tree. We are only home a few days this holiday season because we are taking much needed breaks from school and work.

We are working at getting into the spirit of this important holiday season. There is just so much stuff. Medical procedures, picking out new phones for my recalcitrant teen, work, family, shopping, dogs, photography workshops, portrait sessions, freebies for friends and family. Recent works can be found on flickr and zenfolio. Hope you find some peace in the craziness.

I Don't Want to be Here Anymore!

My daughter managed to forget her key to the house again. She used this as an excuse to hang out with her friends for three hours this afternoon. She was so cheery when I tracked her down at the friend's house. Of course, she walked in the door angry and ready to shoot bear. I tried to engage her in the simplest of conversations, but she gave me the cold shoulder. I put my foot down and told her I could simply wait it out. I then told them (her) about my taxing day. I think I got her attention. She talked and talked and talked. Then after the talking came the spewing of many days (maybe weeks) of unmoderated anger. Dumping all her hurts and fears on her dad. I listened and she played her best pity cards; you don't give me strokes or good feedback; you don't listen to me; I am always wrong. No go. No tears from me this time.

Studio Family Session

this was the first family session I have had this year. We had some fun, with the two of us rolling around on the floor. This first photograph was an "accident as I had left the Fuji S3 in b/w mode. I liked what I saw though a decided to keep it. His father, step-mom and grandmother were there with him as well. But nothing beats the pure joy of shooting with a free thinking child.

We jumped and kicked our way into some pleasant and fun poses. Here he was able to just lie down on the seamless and talk with me, while I asked him questions about sports teams. He likes the Vikings and his favorite NBA player is Yao Ming. His dad likes da Bears, though so I guess Sundays are tough going at his house.

Last but not least, to wrap it all up before the rest of the family came in. We just got to be a kid thing. He started by taking some quick images of his dad.

Just as I was about to leave, I got a phone call from one of my oldest college friends. We had a great chat about family and connections. Photos help bring all that together for me.

Dance

Crayon Dance, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

sometimes you have to get out of the rut you find yourself in. doing the same things over and over again does not make one creative, although it might mean one is productive. i like this photo as a simple b/w photo. it has some emotional intensity to it. i simply wanted to play a bit with PSE5. this is the result. some may like it; most probably won't. life is like that. if we only do things to make others happy, we lose ourselves in the process of doing so. even though we are a more independent society than most Asian nations, we still have pressure to succumb to what is the dangerous "middle ground" of mediocrity.

yesterday, my lame sister sent us all another cheery email extolling her generosity as a guardian for my mother. unfortunately she gave permission for us to "ignore" a court order that does not exist. she continues to practice Mickey Mouse law. i have also come to understand that she thinks of The Law as a penultimate practice. she confuses legality with ethical or fair or just. she must know that the lawyers created The Law for their own benefit using cheesy language to obfuscate reality. she thinks that because she tackled law school, that she has transcended non-law school mere mortals. underestimate your enemy and you have probably already committed a grievous error, perhaps fatal.

so mediocrity or creativity. there is room for both. we can't always seek to excel everywhere. let others take the lead at times. go for it.

Melissa on Stairs

Melissa on Stairs b and w, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

My wife "hired" me to take the 60th year photos for one of her co-workers. I asked for the details and she filled me in. No sooner than we get there she becomes the Art Director and boss. I think this is common for her - to be in charge and to assume that she knows it all. That makes it hard for me to "work" for her. Not likely to happen again. She was not there to assist me, but to give her unsolicited advice. Here is one of my rebel images. Not too bad, if I must say so myself.

Tonight as I try to finish the post processing, she is bugging me with details of her life. Complaints, needing to share, etc. You probably get the message. Of course, she has not followed up and looked at the video on the desktop; she has not done any of the things she thinks should be done. But she certainly is ready to let me know what she does not like; and why she does not like what she does not like. Maybe this is what being a middle-manager is all about. Frustration reigns.

Happy Home

Porn video found on my daughter's desktop. She is 13 years young. It was fairly graphic. I immediately put a password on her user account. I know it is only a stopgap method and I have more snooping and work to do, but she will be surprised when she can't login to her myspace account this afternoon. Maybe she will get some homework done. I am weary now and I have years to go before I sleep soundly again.

Family

Visiting with family for the holiday. The two little girls are from a wedding I attended this summer. The soldier boy is an old old photo of my father. Those of you who personally know me will see an uncanny resemblance between me and the young man in this photo. Incredible resemblance. Sometimes you can't escape from family no matter how hard you want to...this is just reminder that even though that crazy lady in that other place is doing unquestionable things to me. That the old fat fart is still my sister. We are biologically linked. We have history that outweighs all the crap that has transpired over the last few years. But I can't just ignore what the dickens has allowed to transpire within her own family. I can't forget that she facilitated jailing my sister; that she was so ignorantly disrespectful to my father; that she has treated my mother like a total stranger. So I am stuck. Can she come home again? How much time for penance would be adequate? Should we forgive? Certainly not forget what happened! She is our own version of Hitler or Mussolini. She is our own family fascist. That in itself says it all. We can't forgive the fascists because they will do it again. There is only herself. Not a mother or father or family member. Just a self righteous pompous pitiful pflug. No resemblance...no coming home again.

Pessimism

Some people always focus on what they do not have. They could have a pot of gold in the cupboards of their house. These pessimists would see that they did not have a new car...new boat...new house. Kills the joy of interacting with people when they act this way. We have it good here. We have jobs and taxes. We have clean water and relatively clean air. We have the ability to recreate in places all over the globe. Sometimes it isn't enough. I am weary of negative people. I am frustrated by all the naysayers. Enough already.

Tough Day Today

Kids are all right...my wife is all right...dogs and pets are all right. Should feel good, but it doesn't. There were too many issues at work. People wanting something and not doing it. People asking without listening. People talking without hearing what others have to say. People waiting for others to do the work so that they are able to take the credit. Sometimes it just does not feel fair. Know what I mean?

Bills

Since we started paying the lawyer for legal advice I have been perpetually broke. Always just one step behind some creditor. I hate this. No money to eat out; no money for this thing or that. I know that this is temporary. Eventually I will see the light of day again. I will not hate my sister for dragging our family into this abyss of dysfunction. I will have a regular relationship again with my siblings and money will be the least of my concerns. That time is actually already here. After the family of origin stress there is my own family of creation stress.

Of course, all this happened at the same time that I am paying for braces for my daughter. She also wants to see a therapist now because she has teenage angst and identity problems. I know who she is. She is the slob who lives in our basement and cranks up the music loud enough to disturb the neighbors. She is the ungrateful soul who mocks the house work here that keeps her warm and cozy. She is the petulant little wretch who throws her clean clothes on the floor after they have been washed, dryed, folded and placed in her room (no one allowed in her dresser or the closet). She is the little monster who is transforming back into a human being. I pray that I was not this horrible as a teen. I doubt that I could have been because I think I would have been dead thirty plus years now. My father would have killed me.

I guess you just have to keep on the path. One foot in front of the other.

Blah

no recent photos to upload onto the computer so we have to go to the archives to find something...as many of you know this is one of my favorites. simple elegant abstract. three qualities I value in photography. so why the hell am I aspiring to shoot fashion/glamor? could it just be a parade of beautiful Kate Moss-like models? Maybe the bright lights and promises of popularity? Maybe it is just being around the beautiful people for awhile? I don't have a ready answer. I can say this for sure - it is more work dealing with people and the myriad of possibilities and personalities. Landscapes change but usually over time (think San Diego and Pompei). Working with people is like being on an emotional roller coaster.

Flickr Walk

today i ventured far out of my shell. i met up with other photographers, walked around the LRT stops and shot photos and talked with them. for those who do not know me well, consider this just short of a miracle. the camera part is normal. i could easily have done this alone, but the challenge was to actually interact and talk with others. sort of a real "cameradie". so we laughed and talked about safe things, camera makes, camera bodies, film, etc. somehow we still managed to get to know each other. where we work, relationship status, likes, jobs, hangouts, other interests. this was a film walk so there are no photos to post yet. come back to see what i harvested.

We Die A Little Every Day

Being married lately is a little bit like getting my heart broken almost every day. A stab here, a kick there. Tonight my wife asked me if I am having an affair (out of the clear blue sky). When I was over the shock of the question, I answered NO, emphatically, and started to ask her what prompted this question. No sooner than the question is out of her mouth she asks me about Christmas in San Diego. Non sequitur anonymous.

Jade

Jade, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

another beautiful image from last weekend. i thought about adding this after watching two very sad episodes on TV. Grey's Anatomy and ER. Life is full of surprises and pain. It all depends how we look at the pain that we experience.

I'm a Butt

according to my wife. I am always a butt when I will not give her what she wants. Of course, I do not really believe that this makes me a butt; only that this is what she thinks. So I will just have to listen to the verbal assaults and maintain my inner integrity. It is not easy though.

Onyx

Onyx, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

I really needed some joy in my day. Yesterday a couple co-workers and I got together to start her jewelry catalog. She brought crackers and cheese, a bottle of vino and some sausage. One applied makeup while I shot with the models. One pulled out jewelry so that we had a nice assembly line going.

Today my wife went to pick up our son from the sleepover that resulted from the failed birthday party. See we all tooled off to the skating rink and waited for Mom and the birthday boy. She called to say she was having car problems. She called back an hour later to say it just wasn't going to happen. The two boys I was supervising had presents and money to spend. We arranged to get the boys off to the house of the birthday boy. My son decided to sleepover. Fast forward to the beginning of this paragraph. When my wife arrived, there was no adult in the house. The birthday boy just turned 10. He did not know where his mother was. My wife called me and I in turn had to call the screening unit. My guess is that even though the aunt showed up later, the police will still have taken the three children off to shelter for the night. This really shook up my wife.

Today was the Circus of the Heart. I shot portraits for families this afternoon. We printed them out as fast as we could. I think it was somewhere near 125 or so. Everyone was thankful. Surprise to me that they gave me the 2007 Volunteer of the Year Award. It had a plaque and some chocolate. Good deal.

So This is It!

My nieces came to visit tonight. Their mom was working. Dad was out pheasant hunting. We had spaghetti and one less child for dinner than anticipated. He was upset because his pet rat died. I told him when I picked him up from the after school program. He cried. I shriveled up and died a bit inside. It is painful to watch your progeny in tears.

Yeah, I Am Talking to You!

Blah Blah Blah. You did this. Why didn't you do this? I am perfect, you are not! You screwed up my life. I don't like the way you did this thing. I am going to make a report. Why can't you be more like me?

Sound familiar? Does to me. This is what I hear all day long. People trying to put or to keep me inside the little box they have created for me. I resist, even if resistance is futile. I will continue to define myself. I will continue to allow others to define themselves. We need room to grow. Even plants get a new pot once in awhile. People paint the rooms in their homes; they upgrade or change furniture and get new cars. Why do we insist on trying to make others be the same as always while stressing our need to change? Imagine the freedom this could give us.

Yellow Leaves

Yellow Leaves, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

I have been away for a few days. It is not of laziness, but time has been short. Taking a wedding photo class in Minneapolis. It is not quite what I had anticipated so far, but there are a few weeks left. Mostly talking about shooting weddings - contracts, prep work, getting clients. I was hoping for more of the hands on posing work and creative input.

OMG!

OMG!, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

Today was one of those days. The issues I left on my desk at work were waiting impatiently for me when I arrived. Here is a summary.

The 17 year old who was assaulted by her BF had been held captive for 2 days. The BF lives next door to mom. Mom had not been concerned about her daughter because she comes and goes all the time. See this mom provides little supervision for her sexually active teen daughter. So here is the summary from the police incident report. She was choked, until unconscious, beaten about the face enough to give her two "black eyes" and a head laceration, and a broken nose. The broken nose can't be reset until the swelling goes down. The CAT scan turned up negative for any serious cranial injuries.

I was appalled that mom did not know where her daughter was for two days. I guess I have to stop judging families by my middle class expectations. I guess if one of my kids were MIA for two days, I would have already called the FBI. Maybe I watch too much TV.

This mom is supposed to be in individual therapy. She is supposed to attend a victims group at our local domestic abuse counseling center. She is supposed to see her other daughter once a week minimum - has not seen her in two months now. She is supposed to cooperate with the in-home therapist. No go.

Issue no. 2 - Mother who has already transferred custody of her young son is fighting to get custody of her older child. She is 9 1/2 months pregnant. She won't attend therapy. She won't cooperate with her son's therapist and she will not get her regular UAs. Her son in OOHP now almost a year - 6 months past the federal guidelines. Can't convince her to honorably do the right thing. Trial next month. It will be horrible. We will have to add the newborn to the current petition.

No. 3 - Mother with ten kids. All have developmental and emotional problems. Bedwetting, encopresis, sexual acting out, illiteracy, violence and more. Mom is convinced that her children picked up on this in foster care. One child had such severe seizures that he had to have a partial hemispherectomy. Her eldest on run after assaulting another relative regarding kicking his mother out of the house.

There is more, but I have to save some for the November Blog Month posting.

Ode to Joy

i raced from home to the airport this morning. see today was one of those rare wonderful days in my work life. a happy ending to a story that started with tragedy. paternal grandmother (PGM) was coming to court to assume responsibilty for her grandson. his mother deceased a few years back in an automobile accident; his father unable to take the pressure and resistant to therapy just could not meet the emotional needs of this one high strung child - he beat him frequently.

he did it because he wanted his son to grow up to be a strong and independent black man. he strived to beat him into submission in order to save his life. i worked with him and tried to engage him in therapy - to no avail. he continued smoking pot (he is a DJ) and resisted any attempts to get him to modify his lifestyle. no go.

enter PGM. she is a saint, taking in this child who has been abused and who has used the system to his advantage. dad never did look at the situation from a healthy perspective. he only wanted to have his son back; he gave little thought to what it might mean to have his son back fully empowered. the beatings resumed when the child was returned home.

out of home again. this time PGM to the rescue. she made no excuses for the behavior of her own child and said she would do whatever is necessary for this little one to have the kind of home she knows that he deserves. end of this story, but it is an unusually happy ending. give someone a hug today for me. the world is an OK place.

Sinners

Let's Make a Negative a Positive, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

One part of me wants to know what goes on inside a place with this kind of name. Knowing that it is in the sex district also makes me certain that the name is just the tip of an iceberg waiting to sink my seaworthy relationship if I should be found anywhere near this. Lots of ideas and lots of suggestion. That is a woman's body in neon for me. I can imagine that she is partly clothed or nude. But what is really the point of a place called sinners. Imagine the boys spouting off to the wives that they are headed out to Sinners for a beer. Protests come from the wives and GFs but the men ad lib and tell them that the TVs are special here. Or perhaps there is a certainly quality of conversation that can only be found in a Sinners-like environment.

But that is not really the issue for me. Why do we still have places like Sinners? Are our sex lives so poor that we have to go out and ogle strangers? What is it that we get when we see the women spread-eagled or whatever your fancy? I am not sure that it would mean much to me at all. Or maybe it is that my hormones are low and I could use a testosterone boost! Who cares is what I say.

Blue

There are a few things that are/were significant this week. One of them would be a court hearing; another TLC, means another altered family structure. I have had to tell people painful things this week. I am emotionally fried. I am sad for the kids, happy for my work load. I got another new case today. The mother gave up on her kids a few years ago. They were living with their grandmother who is using again. Positive for coke. Now they live with their family friend Ole Savior . Have to talk about all the crazy things that happen except it does not really do us any good. Sometimes we have to use fostercare. Sometimes we just do the best we can. Still not enough.

Mental Health Day

Sometimes work is so hard. I went into a supervised visitation agency on Saturday because there were people who were concerned about a confrontation between the mom with ten kids and the four foster parents who care for her children. Interestingly enough she was not there on Saturday. I suspect that she had been arrested, for either the new assault charges or the probation violation. Still there is a tension that surrounds this kind of work violence. Always the threat of violence in my job. It would not be so bad if the constant worry about my family and my home could be avoided. My kids and wife did not sign on to the sometimes paralyzing fear that means knocking on a door could result in gunshots; or that a home visit might mean being ambushed and possibly tortured. But the real threats are few. Mostly toothless wolves barking and attempting to frighten.

Sorrow

Another family with another TPR...Mom's was voluntary; Dad's was not. I stopped by supervised visitation today to tell him. He wanted to put on a show for everyone. I resisted and patiently waited for him. The little girl cried and cried when he snatched her away from the foster parent. It was ugly. She cried for almost 15 minutes. Somehow she was soothed and calmed down. The sounds of these children crying is nerve grating to me. Especially this SOB dad who is so disrespectful to everyone. I am tired of the snippiness and disrespect that surrounds me. Everyone wants something but few are willing to give something. I am not looking for a fair trade or an even deal; I simply want to know that others appreciate the energy and time and love and patience and understanding that often goes into what is given. Is that too very much to ask?

Just Catching You Up with Me!

There is a whole lot of stuff going down. War and rumors of war in Iraq. Civil unrest in the Far East. I guess Myanmar doesn't have natural resources that we covet. Or maybe we fear the Great Red Peril. Lots of murder and mayhem right here at home. Interest rates are being manipulated by the Federal Reserve. My wife screaming about 4% pay raises for U of M union employees yet making a tough decision today whether to offer a new employee 58K or 59K and having to bump a senior employee up to 60K (8% raise she says). Glaring hypocrisy there. After all as she says the damn union employees are lucky to have jobs at all. I feel a change a comin'. Maybe this is the war that Bob Marley sang of.

Today I talked with social workers about a Mom who assisted and abetted her 15-year-old son in an assault against family members. We are not sure if it is intimidation or gang initiation, but this pretty much seals those ten kids (count 'em) from ever returning to her care. She is already on probation for an assault. The son is also on probation for an assault and escape status from a juvenile correctional facility. Ouch. Another broken family that we can put band-aids on and move them on out the door. Triage 'em and move them on to somewhere else. We handle on the crisis cases. Stabilize them and send them back into the community. Define stabilization I say.

Dead Bird

A bird flew into the picture window here at our house this morning. It landed with a thud and fell to the ground. It simply died there in the garden. It hurt to watch that little bird die. I couldn't think of what to say about the bird. I hope that death was swift and relatively painless for the bird. I also hope that all the deaths were painless today. We could simply take time to be more aware of what goes on around us. That little bird.

Fatso's

 

There is an upscale burger joint in the warehouse district in Minneapolis. I ate lunch there with two of my co-workers. I would say it is Uptown meets Steakhouse. The burgers are made with Black Angus beef. The decor is stainless steel and diner shiny. The tables are all hightops. The lemonade was tart. The standard burger comes in a half pound size. And for the truly adventurous they have a 3 pound burger special. Those that are brave enough to eat that burger are probably carried directly by ambulance to the cardiac care unit. Tasty buttery bun and crispy fries to top this all off. I might go again and try something other than the 1/4 lightweight burger with bacon that I ate. Thumbs up!

Autumn Day

Autumn Day, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

A year has passed since my mother last graced the home where I live. She is still be held captive by an uncooperative sister who presumes to know all because she is an attorney. This continues to gnaw at me. These are the autumn years of our mother's life and she is being held ransom for some small amount of money. My sister is really not all that different from some of the most vile clients with whom I have worked (suffered) in my many years as a probation officer and child protection worker.

The energy she expends fighting family could be put to good use. Since she is the "smartest" of all the children she should best see how devastating the past few years have been to our family. She most capably as an attorney could use the law to rectify what she started. She most certainly could use her superior intelligence to course through the institutions and bureaucracy to give her the golden years that our mother worked so hard to achieve.

Alas, that is not the case. Intelligence and brilliance turned away from good is simply evil. Nothing can change that.

Families

they are funny institutions. this week i have been immersed in family stuff. visiting my uncle this week in Chicago because i have a work obligation there related to families involved in Child Protection back here in Minneapolis. it means that i miss a night with my kids and will be away from home. i try hard to avoid this, especially for work, but this particular family is so very dysfunctional that it behooves me to do this. so i fly into Midway tonight, leave with my uncle and go back to this event all day tomorrow. i am not hopeful that we will be able to offer this family the assitance it needs in resolving child custody and care issues. mom has too many unresolved parenting crises, traumatic events in her life that have not even begun to heal; loss, unresolved grief, identity confusion and she has ten kids by at least five different men. the kids all have issues too - behavioral problems, encopresis, incontinence, emotional problems, grief, separation and loss issues for a start. we did not break this family and i am certainly sure that we will not put this one back together. i am not sure that is our job. that is why i am going to Chicago with Mom. we hope to have the family come up with a workable solution to this issue. what do you think?

too bad my sister can't understand the power of family and what it can accomplish. i continue to wait for some kind of response from the court regarding the care of my mother. the longer i wait, the more concerned i get. the more concerned i get the less patience i have with what i already think is a corrupt court process. but then why do i think the process should be fair (read: just)? naivete? idealistis? pollyannaish? how about simple hopeful...and wishful that my mother's life matters enough to someone who cares!

Slump

i am in the midst of a slump...emotionally, creatively, spiritually. seems that everything i touch or contemplate comes back to bite me. i am trying to be introspective about this all, but it continues to elude me. just a few weeks ago i had high hopes for new successes. my energy was good, my spirits high and i was not so easily annoyed by the vagaries of the world around me.

maybe it is a symptom of my age or cohort group. looking back at what we have done (and more importantly what we have not done) is weighting heavily upon me. we have reached new lows (tabloid journalism, idol worship, folly like the Bridge to Nowhere) and we do not even seem to care. Global warming, environmental destruction, reducing the air quality again, polluting our waters, buying and selling junk and tainted items for the sake of the Holy Dollar.

sometimes i think it would be fabulous to disconnect from all this craziness. have a simple house away from this all, with environmentally friendly people surrounding me. i could buy my food locally (but that means no strawberries in the winter), use recycled and refurbished products, get off the electric and power grids with some expensive alternative energy sources and then what....what would i do? how would this affect my children? would we be the family of kooks who lived down the lane? would people think that i was some kind of nut or fanatic? would the FBI and DHS have an active file on me; monitor my internet and e-mail activity? i don't know!

Tuning the Harp

Tuning the Harp, originally uploaded by Lukasia.

While my wife impatiently awaited the processing of the photos from the dance, I was still working on the photos I took for my pleasure this weekend. I was at my first gallery show. Click the link above to see who we are. It was a gas. I enjoyed talking with people about the photographs - mine as well as those of the other photographers. We are a diverse group, spread around the globe encompassing three continents and four countries. This harp was played by a 16 year old. It is a beautiful instrument. I am still not sure I captured the beauty I was able to see. He tuned; she played a few minutes later. Wonderful.

That Shows Where I Rank

The gallery opening was a success. I had a wonderful time meeting the guys from the group. We had some time to joke and laugh and get to know each other. Then the throngs of people flooded our intimate little space and started talking about the photos. 11 artists; more than 70 photos; 4 countries; 3 continents; 6 states represented. Prints look so much better hanging on the wall than spread out across a flat screen. These photos were awesome. There were rich blacks and starchy whites; brilliant color and beautiful pastels. You had to be there. But she wasn't. She was here practicing for her performance....I made it back in time to attend. Are my pictures done yet!? Impatience reigns. I have been busy. That Shows Where I Rank. I guess it does!

it has been an incredible week. emotions are running high at our house. that usually means i have to keep a lid on it. pre-teen daughter, son who has elected not to play football, strike at the U. my wife is an admin there and she has little patience for the "whining" proletariat. i asked her how much the football and basketball coaches make and she spouted the usual market economy analysis. unfortunately the few that have are more determined than ever to hold onto what they have. that means this is going to be a long strike and there will continue to be dissention at Chez Moi.

kids are back in school. hooray...summer was taking its toll on my finances and my sleep. photography

Thinking

why do we have so many people who will do wrong if given a choice? makes you stop and think. I like people but they can try patience. l want others to be happy but not at the expense of others. It has been a tough week, only wishes! Well, there is always photography-go to http://giftshopco-op.com to learn more about this new venture. if you live in the TCs, visit the shop on 35th St. and Minnehaha. Shop for unique gifts and art there.

this should prove to be an interesting election year. hate will be the by-word. America as we know it will be different this time next year. Iraq, monetary policy, racial politics (disguised as immigration policy), aging and cuts to social services. where are the brave now? what freedoms will we have left when the DHS finishes dismantling the protections that we so fiercely fought to win?