One Red Tulip

One Red Tulip, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

The light yesterday was perfect. Soft and warm. The air was cool, there was a slight breeze blowing the flowers that suddenly sprung up in our garden. I might have missed these if I had not been staring out the window. The kids were out with their mom for Mothers' Day and I was wiped out after a very hectice Sunday School. Lots of wild energetic kids. Just the way they should be (I think?). This is my reward for taking a minute to stop and think about life and love and family. This is my reward for caring enough to get up for Sunday School. This is my reward for taking the time to set up my camera on manual. This is my reward for caring enough to use the features that this camera has. This is just my reward. I was amazed when this was loaded into PSE-5. The color was brilliant, exactly like I had seen it, but the green leaves in the background were kind of muted. I recall them having more saturation. I thought for sure they might be a distraction, but this is what happens when the muses talk with you.

Iris

Iris, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

there are so many things wrong in our world today. prices escalating, war, famine, despair and hatred to name a few. greed would also make the top of my list and may be the reason we have all the problems i listed before. but in the midst of all the problems there is beauty. we have each day before us a new sunrise and new opportunities to make the world right again. imagine if we actually believed that we are good enough to restore our habitat, that we can have peace in this world today, that we have enough food and water on the planet to make sure that everyone has enough. enough must be a factor in our greediness.

i am still spending more money than bringing in. the attorney fees have drained my savings. my loca sister is still pretending that she is the famed white knight for my mother. her days are numbered and the greed that i speak of here is more than likely related to our dilemma. the greed that makes my loca sister think that she can control my mother's life; that she can choose how to spend the money; that she can have her declared incompetent; that she can choose to abuse her at will. everyday i have to choose between what is convenient and what is right. most days that is easy. i have smart attorneys that i can consult with. but what is right or legal may not always be the right thing to do.

i am teaching my children as i teach myself that we can all continue to learn...that we can all make the world a better place not tomorrow but right now. we can all stop and think about the one thing we can do to make this world a better place. pick up that trash (immediate) and dispose of it. recycle, even if not convenient for us today, because it means we have a better world tomorrow. we can all do something so that there is enough. OK?

Self-Portrait

Self-Portrait, originally uploaded by lucienphoto: Luke.

This is me behind the camera. My favorite place in the scheme of things.

Work

It is Saturday morning. I have had my pancakes and bacon, juice and milk. I have run the vacuum to pick up the little dust bunnies floating around our house. I even pulled some down from the ceiling with that great skinny attachment for crevices on the vacuum. It is snowy and windy and cold outside. The chimes on the deck are making that inimitable gong sound. The birds are voraciously feeding and frolicking in the snow. Instead of just hanging out today, I have to go into work. Family Group Conference for a family on whom I have already given up hope. But we will listen to the whining about lack of services and the rants about how unfair the system is to them. I then get to go back to court and say we can't support the plans the family has created. I will be the primary target today. I will be quiet and remain calm.

You Gotta Have Faith

Christina, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I really enjoyed working with this subject. We talked about things other than photography. She had depth and a serious side to her. She is a 3-D being. Here is just one of the many images we were able to capture of her. More to follow.

Wouldn't it be great if everybody you have incidental contact with were so pleasant? How many opportunities do we miss within our own family? Sets of friends? Are we as define and genuine as we could be? Might we have less strife? And pain? I guess I have to ask the person who knows all - My sister who has POA.

Red Petals

Red Petals, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Compassion fatigue....that is what I have. I am emotionally drained. I don't feel like I can give anymore or care anymore. My life is filled with caring for others; often times more than they care for themselves. I am not sure a vacation can fix the problem. I wake up refreshed but somewhere in the process of getting the kids out the door I lose all interest in interacting with others. It drags me back into the hole that I feel I am constantly being forced back into. Thinking about what my work and my life means for others does not give me enough to pull me through the molasses of emotion and despair. It is not winter. It is thinking about this election and preparing for another trial or getting another case (with the same individuals). It is all the driving between here and there and the lack of personal responsibility for everything going haywire in somebody's life somewhere. It is the push towards the next round of emotionally draining court experiences about my mother. The lame sister who claims self-righteousness. It is the parenting of an adolescent. The thanklessness of so many daily things. It is the taking for grantedness that we all share.

I wish that a new job or the lottery would come to save me from this, but I know in reality that I will have to dig deep and find the source for true fulfillment inside of me. Swallow hard and take a deep breath and wait for my wisdom to surface.

Teenagers

My daughter decided she could put a couple more holes in her ears. She conveniently "forgot" about the agreement from just earlier this year. She has not been honest about all that is going on in her "risky secretive" life...of boys and girls and sexual trysts. She thinks that she is the only person to have ever had these hormonal urges and compulsions. Watching her ride the emotional roller coaster of adolescence. It is scary being a parent these days.

Teens

Teens, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Creative use of lighting and shadow. This worked well for this reluctant teen. The conversion to b/w came later. She is the daughter of a co-worker. We spent a considerable amount of time in the studio laughing and letting her know that she would be safe and that nothing harmful would come of the photo. Teens are so very sensitive and concerned about how they present to the world. This fascinates me because so many have a brash and defensive posture that pushes adults away. In reality so many of them are cream puffs just trying to figure out how to get their emotional and quickly changing physical needs met. I think she will enjoy this photograph.

Feeling Better

I have been sick the last week. Body aches and pains...terrible headaches and falling asleep all the time. It should have been a good week for me, but I had these two have to get to court hearings, boys basketball and just other stuff. But today after a long weekend of lounging, napping, sleeping, drinking tea and hot chocolate I feel better. Just in time to go back to work. Back to the place where children are at risk. Back to the place where we choose how much abuse and neglect we can allow. Where do the rights of the parents end and the rights of the children take precedence? Even thinking about my mother, I ask when will the courts do what is right rather than expedient? Who is looking after the rights of the weak? It certainly is not my mother's social worker! It is not that lame judge who ran roughshod over the family gathered in his presence! It is not the immensely inappropriate POA. It is not the GAL we requested but were not able to obtain. It is not the Dept of Human Resources in GA! Waiting for justice in our indifferent court system means waiting in vain.

A Rose by Any Other Name

A Rose by Any Other Name, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sorrowful!