Lines + Shadows + Spaces

I have been staring at this white space for many hours this day, trying to take images from my head and translate them into cogent thoughts that can be expressed in language.  I think that sometimes the images are so raw, so poignant, that the images and symbols defy simple translation.  Much like an unfamiliar language the images convey no meaning.  Even if I were able to identify specific characters in the symbology, connecting them to a translator process might not give me the meaning of those complex communications.

I think that we often agree on symbolic representations as an approximation for common understanding.  When we experience stress (distress more than eustress) the essence of that common understanding unravels.  The internal experience of the individual is not satisfied with the more simple agreed upon comprehension.  This is my struggle today.  How do I communicate my sense of hopelessness and despair to those around me?  How do I share my sense of disconnectedness from everyone and everything?  Language does not suffice.

Escape

Sometimes you look back at your life and wonder just how you survived.
The pain

The loneliness
The frustrations
The sadness and the anger

How you survived is by keeping perspective on all things.
The pain was there as notice that whatever brought the pain was not meant to be
The loneliness was an indicator that these were not friends
The sadness is an expression of your disappointment
The anger your reaction to something that you know is not right.

Be grateful!

It is often the little things in life that bring us the most joy.

A smile, a kindness...remember and seek those people and places.

Stirred and Ground

I took the dog out for a walk this morning.  We bumped into at least one person I have worked with in the past life.  She asked about me and I shared briefly my escape back into genuineness.  I sat on the porch this morning and watched the neighbors and birds, and squirrels come to life.  While I sat I listened to Pandora - Melody Gardot station.  Artists that appeared:
Etta James
Melody Gardot
Renee Olstead (new to me)
Esperanza Spalding

Some bossa nova, some French-language songs.

As summer splashes into autumn

And the leaves dry and krinkly are crushed under boots 

As the days shorten and cool

While nights envelope us in her favorite tool

I think of you and laughter and dancing eyes

Lilted voices and casual strolls through krinkled leaves

Minutes melting into hours

Phone calls crossing nebulae

Light bending while sound warps into joy 

Hearts laughing and open filling with glee

Fear at bay for now  

Forget Me Not...

Things to think about:

We have promised that we will never forget 9/11/2001.  We have grave associations with what happened and what could have happened to us as a nation on that day.  Apparently it is significant because our period of inviability ended.

We as a nation caution people of color to not focus on 1) The Trail of Tears 2) Slavery 3) illegal encampment of Japanese ancestry citizens.  There are more, but I think you will get the point.

Daily I read, hear or somehow get information about what a great race neutral country we livc in, but for the few malcontents who attempt to inject race and the horrible effects of systemic and institutionalized racism into the national discussions.

Some of us (people of color) are tired of being an asterisk in the discussion about success, race, wealth and poverty.  Some of us are frustrated that even as we change the dialogues and conversations about race, achievement, success, equality and freedom that it is inverted and the focus becomes on what has not been done.

Some people of color are tired of every discussion devolving into a black versus white issue, simply ignoring that Asians, Hispanic (of all "races"), and Native/Indigenous people are not part of the dialogue and are of no consequence to the outcome.

Some people see the interconnectedness of ageism, sexism, ableism, genderism as signs of an important unified struggle for freedom - not for one group, but for all people.

Symbolina

Sometimes in your life you will think you are done with something.  But you should remember that evil does exist in the world and when we rest for a moment, when we simply choose to move on, that evil conspires to make us miserable.  Just such a moment recently occurred in my life.  Just when I thought we had successfully negotiated the death of my parents, my sister deep charges another missive.  I have to assume that she hoped to catch some of us off balance with her wacky and inappropriate request. The gist is she is claiming that she has paid the mortgage and expenses and wants to sell the house now.  No discussion amongst the siblings; just her decision.  Since she is in charge she is giving us only few days to claim what we want from the house by 9/27; just a bit more than a week.  I don't trust her and I think she has ulterior motives.  That is all.

Ying Yang

I am out walking Dasher this morning.  The air is crisp.  The light is dim.  There are few people in the streets.  I am thinking about recent events and changes in my life.  Then it hits me.  Once again, just as I think that it is done, that I am ready to move on, I realize that I can't skip this piece.  It is something that simply has to be done.  I can wince and wail.  I can pretend and I can feign completion, but that will not make it so.

In order for me to be done with this last relationship, I have to take the risk of being in the next one.  I have to be vulnerable to being loved and hurt again.  I am not sure that it means I have to love someone, simply that I have to be willing to experience the pain I have hidden myself from.  The ying and the yang of life.

Dungy Report?

I am wondering if all the media attention on Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson is a distraction in the NFL.   What do you think?  I know that a coach I had much respect for ventured out on a figurative limb when he commented on Michael Sams involvement with the NFL.