What A Creep!

i am officially beginning to repeat myself. not that this is unusual. i simply do not accept responsibility for it. but this morning i woke up, got up, let the dog out, came and wrote a few minutes and went back to bed. i was tired. not physically tired but emotionally worn out. yesterday i worked with a client who has a bad relationship with what i would consider to be a creepy guy. it is further complicated by her pregnancy. the little girl she is carrying has anacephaly. very sad; not really much i could offer her beyond a listening ear and some compassion. she knows the baby will not live but she is determined to love this child for every minute she shares air and space and love with us. she is OK with all this. her problem arises because the creep has asked her to move in with him - just as friends he warns and states that he will be dating other women. he can't tell his ex or his kids that she is pregnant and is relieved that this new baby will not be an issue. wishing it away.

so where does the repetition come in? in my head i was thinking, "What a creep"? i know this is not my issue but i think that so many women have been burned by so many creepy slimy repulsive (but attractive) guys that they (maybe we) give us a bad rap. i guess it was hard to focus on her issue when my stuff was getting in the way.

i guess that i am more museful and meditative than usual. any ideas or suggestions? 

Busy

What an incredibly busy weekend. Kids have friends; they like to spend time with their friends. It started with BK asking if she could go to her GF's house to do homework. I said yes. LK then wanted to have his BF over to see a movie. Could not squeeze both of those in on Friday. But Saturday is the practice for LK and the game for BK. Girls played hard. Beat by an older team playing in the lower division. It really was not fair, but a good exercise in how coaches like to stack the odds. Our coach is a blessing. She makes sure all the girls get some play time and she always finds a positive to tell the girls about how they played. This team has a couple of hotshots though. Inner city park board team and the abilities vary greatly. Two of these girls told the coach in front of the other less-skilled girls that they want to play on another team. I explained to BK that the world is full of blowhards and she should listen to the coach instead of the bag of wind. Apparently that motivational speech worked as she was definitely more engaged on Monday in practice.

LK had his buddy over for a movie. Val took the boys to see Eight Below. Apparently one of them was more interested than the other. I think I know that JT was bored. He has a bit of attitude and ADD (my semi-professional opinion). He and LK trashed the TV room (uncharacteristic of LK) and I had to re-fold the laundry that was waiting to be put away. I told JT that he was given a freebie as I know his dad would not be pleased to hear what had happened here. Same drill for LK. I told him I was shocked that he would let his friend do this to his own house. They left here and went to see Pink Panther with MCJ (my ex-wife). Apparently this one went over bigger. Lots of laughs and a less complicated plot.

Monday...we slept late. We ate late - pancakes and syrup. We picked up SK and headed off to the Conservatory at the Como Park Zoo. The moisture in the air there is well worth the trip in. Beautiful orchids. Kids played with koi in the two ponds. We looked at flowers and felt the warming sun. Lunch with Val at Annie's Parlour, by the U of M. Hamburgers for everyone except the old guy with high cholesterol...I had the chicken noodle soup and we split some fries. They were not quite as good as I remember, but they were crispy. Maybe if we had not been there at lunchtime or if it had been a late night after some serious carousing and tippling. We cruised on over to the Weissman, only to find it closed. Monday is a holiday at most museums. I just forgot. Home to some goofy silliness and a movie and drop SK off in time to rush home and get BK ready for basketball practice. Val ran in the door just as the kids were finishing up chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese on pancetta sandwiches. Val took BK; I dropped to watched toob with LK and he fell asleep from exhaustion. I think he is having a growth spurt again.

In between all this I shot a few patriotic images. One of them I call Trail of Tears; another is Internment. It was just one of those days when I had to think about what US Presidents have done. Not to ignore the good, but to add some reality to what our usual perspective is.

Graffiti

i pass this building many times during the course of my work week. last week i shot the images in B/W. this week in color. i guess i have some more work to actually get what my mind can see. suggestions are welcome. i want to help others see the ambiguity of the graffiti and the old decrepit building and the beauty of the art that hides some of the obvious hideousness of the broken glass and rust. i do not think i am there yet. work in progress like they say.

Productions

our kids almost never "have" to do anything. perhaps it is a reaction to having to do everything when i was a child. being PK meant every play, teaching Sunday School, singing (sleeping) in the choir and too many services. sometimes i wonder if i push them to try new things - like vegetables. maybe i just think that they will develop their own tastes in their own time. the photo here is from the holiday pageant at our church. i am not so sure i could convince my pre-teen daughter to put on a cow custome. perhaps my aversion to the have-to-do is simply my way of avoiding conflict. there is already so much of that in my job; why would i want to bring it home?  

Girls

I wanted my first child to be a girl. I thought I might have the extra energy required to instill confidence and strength into her. This is my daughter. She is all girl...she hates spiders - Shreiks! She is grossed out by many things that she formerly found attractive. So I guess I accomplished what I hoped for. Girls have a complex set of emotional states that they run through periodically. I say periodically because I am not privy to the schedule. Confident vs insecure; playful vs taciturn; giggly vs miserly; happy to sad in nanoseconds. It frustrates me to no end to see the apparent confusion she experiences. I know I can "help" by simply continuing to be "available" to her. I know that most of the time I will not have a clue what I have done "right" or "wrong" in any given moment. I know that her feelings are as fragile as The Glass Menangerie.

Most importantly I know that she will most likely traverse this desert and safely arrive on the other side of this process called maturation. Mean while, I am ready for The Perfect Storm, if that is any way possible. 

Trio

Sunday afternoon I had lunch with my wife, ex-wife and an old GF. Before you start thinking we are a bunch old kinky fruitcakes, let me explain. My ex and I were friends before and after we were married. Being married to each other was not good. We have stayed casual friends since a tough divorce. Enough said. The three of us went to school together a long time ago.

The GF was someone special who stayed in contact with me through my tough growing up years. Most people do this in their teens. I waited until I was in my twenties. I could blame my highly structured and dysfunctional family, but that would be glib and cliche. Let's just say I am a product of the very environment that is overtaking this country right now. Pseudo (Neo) Conservatism. Religious fanaticism in some circles, except you can't see your own fanaticism when it stares back at you in the mirror. We all look like Ward Cleaver when the tainted waters start your delusions.

We caught up on spouses (I am the standing joke of the group since I am on number 3), jobs, kids, a long term long distance romance and the status of what we have been doing for fun- remodeling, attending kid sporting events, photography, blogging, jewelry making, watching our neighbors watch us (probably my case only).

We ate at this wonderful little hip and treny restaurant, Psycho Suzi's Motor Lounge, where you can build your own Bloody Mary. They bring you a glass of vodka and a beer chaser. You go to the Bloody Mary bar and add your own fixins'. It was entertaining.

Being the center of my own Universe, I think we should shoot for this again next year. See I will be 50! Thanks for a great afternoon. It was fun to have perspective and a glimpse of my own pending maturity. Want to know more...go visit My Ex. She is quite a good writer and you can have her point of view.

Starvation Diet

Were it not for non-Black patrons the African-American artist here in the Twin Cities will most likely starve. Imagine...artists hanging out on the freeways, little signs dangling from their necks. Will paint for food. Will act for housing. Will make you cry for lodging and a warm cup of coffee. How do I know this? I don't...it is pure speculation on my part. Last Sunday afternoon (I know it was Super Bowl Sunday) I attended a FREE event at the University of Minnesota. A memorial annual FREE event showcasing some wonderful African-American and other talented people who wanted to celebrate the life, struggles and death of Martin Luther King, Jr. Song. Dance. Community.

The audience was mostly White. It got me thinking. It is the same when I go to the award-winning theater. It is the same when I go to the museum to see a retrospective about Gordon Parks (a local connection, no less). People here (meaning many African-American people) celebrate FUBU, and Lexus and Cadillac. They do not support local artists like actors, theaters, museums and galleries. What is that all about?

Thanks

I know two of the performers on this stage, or at least, have met two of them. One is the sister of one of my also longtime friends. The bass player players his instrument weekly at my church.

This was an annual event to commemorate the birth, life and works of Rev Martin Luther King, Jr.

A Boy Like That

 
A boy like that he killed your brother....and everything he his I am, too. I had a love...and it is all that I feel...I love him...there is nothing to be wrong. 

Keyboarding

last couple of days i have been listening to music in headphones. dual purpose; listen without disturbing others, but also leaving me with clarity and allowing me to experience the emotions that some music brings on. last night it was Angelique Kidjo and Annie Lennox. listening to the music loud enough to block out the cell phone, and the desk phone and the voices on the TV. most importantly though is the need to block the voices of the screaming children in my head. why are they screaming? because crack, cocaine and meth are taking over. mothers and fathers are doing whatever they can to get the drugs. these kids can't ask the questions now, but in five or ten years they are going to want to know what they did that was so horrible that Mom and/or Dad could not love them. congenital pain. a real disability. healing - expensive; actual cost - priceless when you figure in the cost of therapy and productivity declines and relationship dysfunction. movement and rhythm and exemplification. i remember everything you said to me - Annie Lennox.

thoughts on the way to other thoughts

 

that baby is still alive. testament to the power of the human will. she will have to be hospitalized for the next 1 or 2 months, but that gives me time to come up with a winning strategy. so many tubes and probes and monitors. how much is a human life worth? who is going to pay for all this? not the mother! our society pays the price one way or the other. i have been wiped out as i think about the price we pay in misery and dysfunction.

finished reading Paulo Coelho - 11 minutes. an interesting novel about love and sex and society's perspective on the two from a non-western culture perspective. i enjoyed the read. got me thinking about how i choose to value my time. so much of our lives are devoted to maintaining status quo and position in a culture we all purport to dislike! just think about the amount of energy we could have if we simply put our energy where we say we wish could. what will historians say about US culture and our still Victorian views of sex and concomittantly our views of women (keepers of sacred sex). how many emotional/psychological problems could we eliminate from the DSM-IV if we could remove the sin from genuine sex and get rid of the stigma.

another baby in the hospital today. this little girl is only three weeks old. she needed a spinal tap because of some neurological problems. there had better be a special place in heaven for all these innocent babies born into a world of confusion, misery and abandonment. we will have to watch her as well.

a thought on global warming. what if mother nature is allowing the warming to happen to kill off a few billion of us. great way to reduce the drain on our society. i fear that the wealthy will find ways to shield themselves from the natural selection process. are we ever really above the chaos and whimsy of nature? probably not, but there are those who certainly want to increase their odds. what if they are ones nature really wants to get? what if we need to rid ourselves of those who are most dependent on the fossil fuels? USA, EU then are damned. what happens when Mexico gets to 140 in the shade and all the rustbelters that headed off to AZ and NM have to move back to the rusting belts and cross into Canada for decent weather? Polar inversion...that is a good name for it. What will we call the dessication of the plains and the food belt?

just something to think about. 

Snow!

 
it is hard to believe that we are having almost no snow here this year. i hear it is the fault of a polar inversion. the poor folks in Russia are dying because it is so cold there. we Canadians and Minnesotans are whining because we can't ice fish or ski. we had to move the Winter Carnival events off to the north where there is a skosh more cold. i guess we all just get comfortable with our own weather, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be for us. let's say the polar inversion continues through our summer. we will be melting here in the great north, and i can only imagine what California, Texas, Nevada and New Mexico might be like. of course, we could have a cold summer...that would make us extremely irritable since we think it is too short to begin with. maybe humans who live in intemperate climates are supposed to be nomadic. we could migrate between the two great camping grounds. i would have to choose somewhere across the border to the north for summers and i think New Mexico would make a good wintering place. i could still ski there and not be too unbearably miserable. of course, we slaughtered the people so we could have the land. now it is all privately owned and we would have trespassing issues. i guess there might be some employment issues as well. of course, there would be the inevitable loss of the migrating party to famine, disease, SUV crashes, etc. it was just an idea anyway. i guess i will just have to enjoy the snow.