Portal

Portal
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

the portal represents the Twilight Zone that I work in. This place is a TZ because the rules are different and never predictable. Here is my situation. I lost my first TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) trial last month. The judge took about a month to make her decision. I was flummoxed when she came back with a TPR on mom and a return to custody on dad.

We were granted a few weeks to re-integrate this child into dad's home with Protective Supervision and an opportunity to evaluate the safety of the home for the child. Grandmother changed her mind...that meant I had to look at immediate reunification. My conscience was bothering me. "What part of Child Protection did i fail to understand? FAST FORWARD. The judge orders reunification within 3-4 weeks beginning with in home supervised visitation. The Guardian ad Litem and I show up with the child; the father refuses to allow the GAL to enter and I cancel the visit. BTW, he has requested a new CPSW because...you fill in the blank. STALEMATE.

By Any Other Name

Rose
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

there is a rat here in Denmark. it has come through the back door of our hearts. toxic family interactions, lying, cheating, scheming. all for some or part of my mother's estate. she has severe dementia...not Alzheimer's, but a dementia brought on by too many years of not taking care of herself - sacrificing for her children and family. who knows what nutritional deficits my mother faced? what i do know is that something is really rotten when family members can't talk with each other and have to have a social worker intervene to resolve what should be relatively simple. let's see - my family consists of a teacher, an attorney, a pastor, a social worker and an educator. if we can't resolve our family issues, i know what will happen. the prospect frightens me. it is not easy being on the other side of the Looking Glass, Alice.

the alternative is allow other people to make decisions for my mother. they do not love her. they will have to base their decisions on a computerized matrix dimensional model. what the hell does that mean. data in; answers out.

Red Phoenix

Red Phoenix
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

This sculpture/flowerpot holder is part of the fathers' day present i received from my children and my wife. i really like it. i like that it is recylcled and that there has been some renovation of the original materials. we need to do more like that with our wastes instead of merely filling up the earth with our trash. yes, much of it is biodegradeable, but why do we need so much? just because we can! that is a silly answer. kind of like why we are the most powerful country in the world today - just because we are. by whose standards one might begin to ask. how does one define powerful? i think it is the "one with the most toys, wins" philosophy. that means we are being good Calvinists. we are the best because we are "highly favored" by God, one must also presume. but what if that is really not the case. what if God is waiting to see what we do with the "all" that we have? what if we really do have a responsibility to the needy, the weak and infirm? what if we are only supposed to take what we need and leave the rest for others? what if Hell is already filled with capitalists (not your Ayn Rand capitalist, but your standard, "I am rich because I am smarter than all you other poor slobs, kind of capitalist)? what if we have only so much time to reverse the ravages of this planet before we run out of resources? what if there is no reversal and the slide down the slippery slope is accelerated? that is a lot of what ifs! this is partly spawned by something my eight-year-old told me after soccer tonight. one of the children in his child care program called him a slave today. here we are 2006; the Reds have been telling us that all things being equal is what we as a nation have been striving for. unfortunately some of the people have not heard the message and still live in this country's darkest ages. renaissance of oppression and slavery and women's suffrage...i for one have no desire to return to the good ol' days of the 50s and 60s. my folks did not have it quite so good. Voting Rights Act - Sit Ins - Democaratic National Convention Chicago 1968 - Kent State - separate but equal education....no i think the post 911 Homeland Security is about all the rights i can lose right now. but what if...?

No!

No!
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

my daughter's birthday party was this weekend. it coincided with a soccer tournament for my son. needless to say our lives were a complete blur. one of the girls had to cancel - she forgot about a wedding she would be attending. the party was a complete success. the houe was gushing with estrogen. endless change of clothes - simply for the pleasure and joy of exchanging outfilts. it was enough to drive me crazy.

i spent most of the weekend driving to the Pan-O-Prog Soccer Tournament. The boys were playing in too advanced a group and were like the trues lambs being lead to slaughter. they perservered though and will have probably seen what the high school competition will be like.

that's all for now, folks.

Tulip

Tulip
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

let me summarize my week. it was AWFUL.

Dandelion

Dandelion
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

i am too tired tonight to write more than a line or two. the dandelion is a metaphor for how exhausted i feel. ready to be disembodied any moment now. trial starting in two days and i have so many documents to review. i am supposed to be refreshed though since i only recently returned from a relaxing 3 day vacation...Bluefin Bay this place is high on my list. the sounds of waves crashing against the rocks lulled me to sleep three consecutive nights. even my son noticed. i just have to go back there mentally and have that same sense of tranquility and balance back in my mind. a world where children can stay with their families, because they are not choosing "glass" over love. see you tomorrow following a bitter court hearing.

You Know Who

a few years back when i first started writing i thought i should have a nom de plum. after much consideration and looking at some of e e cummings's poems and reading some haiku i came up with the name - unohu. that has stuck with me through the popularization of the internet and now my own websites. so what does it mean? i do not know. i know that it has become part of my identity. perhaps a secret or hidden part, but part of who i am now. do my kids know who i am? no! how about my mother? nor does she! i will always be something other than unohu to her. more super secrets. who really does know us? very few people it seems. why is this? because of the rush and caustic nature of our exhausting lifestyles. our friends know that we have "little bit of the cap'n" in us, or know what our favorite beer is. most do not know who we really are. ask yourself. how much personal information has a friend recently shared with you. think about their divorce or the abortion or the embarrassing one night stand. ask them about lying in confession or how many times they have re-framed the truth so that it was not an inconvenience for them

this is what i have found out. the more you attempt to hide your real self the more evident who you are becomes. john sayles had this incredible sleeper movie, "The Brother from Another Planet". everyone in the movie project themselves onto this alien. we see what we want to see. we hear what we want to hear. many of us are in denial about what we actually feel, so we do not "know who we are".

the truth is that most of us are too lazy, self-absorbed, frightened or indifferent to ask the questions that would help us know "who you are". so that may be the reasons for so many blogs. self declaration. attempts to lay it all bare. do i know who you are? let's see!

Soccer Mom

Soccer Mom
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

i have this beautiful photograph that i am really proud of. i am fearful of showing it though, because it is an image of woman who is not my partner. i live in a semi-Victorian society that preaches beauty all day long but punishes those who simply admire the beauty. there is no statement attached to the image. it screams sensuality to me. i do not know if it moves others as it does me. that is not really important. this is a personal image. i suppose it is somehow different than thinking about Halle Berry since i have virtually (interesting word choice) no chance of actually meeting her. so here is what i like about this image. the near anonymity - the gentle sweeping curve of her neck, the sunglasses, the casual hair....it is a gestalt kind of experience for me. those that know me will not find this too unusual. probably just another form of my PECULIAR nature.

Talk

My world is filled with talkers. Everyone has something that everyone else needs to hear immediately. That means these talkers are constantly prattling on. When it is time for them to listen, they are still talking. Seldom a need for information as far as I can understand. I admit I could be more talkative. I could communicate my thoughts better. I could share those inner most (first ring maybe) feelings with others. I could but so many talkers and so few listeners make it easy to keep everything stuffed inside. I think that if some of the talkers would merely stop talking long enough the silence might get to the listeners. The deafening silence might beg for the gap to be filled with something else. What most likely will fill that silence though is the voice of one of the talkers who thought of something else that just couldn't wait.

Porsche

Porsche
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

guess this is as close as i get to the Porsche for the rest of my life. this one the kids bought for me. like all the toys they buy they have appropriated it. i had to borrow it to shoot it for a photo project. i am more and more displeased with cars and all things that cause us to live so far away from everything. there was a time when i did not own a car, and travelled by bus, cab or bike. that made going to the grocery store a form of exercise. imagine pulling into Costco now with my little trailer to haul away the megasizes of laundry detergent or snacks. of course, i lived in an apartment that walking distance to Lund's and it gave me an excuse to walk there to pick up ice cream or something. now i could stop there for Caribou coffee, but i can't imagine i would let anyone drink that in the Porsche. see i am better off already.

Hennepin Avenue Bridge

Hennepin Avenue Bridge
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

We had our last soccer practice on Wednesday evening. The kids played hard and it was quite warm here. Instead of rushing home I made a bee line for DT Minneapolis. The setting sun was racing me across the way to the west. I mananged to get this shot of the bridge that spans the Mississippi River in Minneapolis on Hennepin Avenue. I also grabbed a beautiful Medicine Lake Sunset just before I got home. It really got me thinking about what life might be like after the kids are gone. Will I have enough health to do what I like then? Will I have enough money to travel and live abroad for long periods of time? Who knows! That is still quite a few years from now. Time will answer these questions. In the mean while I can enjoy all the beautiful sunsets in my here and now - that is after the soccer and grass and yard work and stuff is done.

Pets Friends Nuisance

Gorilla_17
Originally uploaded by lemai13.

Yesterday my daughter intentionally killed a spider. I found it extremely annoying. Yes, she hates spiders, but this one was not bothering her. It was simply doing its spider thing in our house. We have an old house - built mid-50s or so. It has bugs, like ants and night crawlers and such. Our basement is attached to the garage so I have seen silverfish on occasion when it is humid. Killing the spider was a selfish act. I told her a story - truly make believe. I wanted her to pretend that she was simply going about her business of being a pre-teen. Chatting on the phone and skipping around the detritus on the floor of her room. Some much larger being stepped on her - crushing her world and everything in it, simply because it was afraid of her. I did not yell at her; I did not lecture her, but I wanted her to know that this earth does not belong to us - we belong to it.

This morning I walked around before leaving for work. The guinea pig needed water, the bird that she just had to have needed clean water and food. What no food. I call my responsible daughter on her cell phone. "I guess we are out then" is her casual response. She and her brother will be gone a couple of days - DIVORCE - but I am thinking I might have to just not work on dinner Friday night because ....Those of us who keep pets have a justifiably huge responsibility to those animals. Off my soapbox now!

contemplative

contemplative.jpg
Originally uploaded by matuko.amini.

i was looking for something, actually contemplating something when i saw this image. what is it about moments of contemplation? is contemplation possibly a form of meditation when practiced correctly? can the world's problems be solved if more of us were more contemplative? my guess is yes. we would not have the vagaries of supply side voodoo economics. we would not have gotten involved in another expensive and indefinite war half way around the world under the guise of protecting our own interests. we would not be so likely to finance stadiums for billionaires and the millionaire sport figures who beg for them. we would have more intelligent conversations rather than simple rhetoric about global warming and what our place in the natural scheme of this finite resource planet is. we could come up with solutions to fossil fuels, have smaller neighborhoods, reduced work hours, substantial food resources and a more utopian-like existence. for animals that are so smart, we spend considerable amount of time making work for ourselves. maybe our dogs and cats have it right. eat, sleep, rest in the sun, play and start all over again. we scratch away for a meager existence to do a few things that we think will make us notable or famous or productive or something virtuous _________ . I guess you have to fill in your own blank here. So contemplate these things for a few minutes. What do you want your story to look like? BTW, this is not one of my images. I borrowed this from Matuko at flickr. Go see her work. It will give you something to contemplate.

Beatrice

Beatrice
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

Those of you who know me, know how important my relationship with my mother has been over the years. Six years ago she had a kidney transplant. My sister, Carol, was the donor. During the process of harvesting my sister's kidney (actually just moments before), Beatrice had a small heart attack, her brain was deprived of oxygen for a few mintues and the transplant operation ceased. (they were able to complete the transplant a few days later). Those few minutes though have turned into a life-robbing process of shaving numerous years from her life. It really is difficult to assess this though as she had refused dialysis for the years prior to her eligibilty for the transplant.

Each year we visit the Mayo Clinic and hear that the transplanted kidney is healthy. Once we were beyond the rejection phase of three months or so, we have had to add a knee replacement for her and watched her change from the strong and independent woman to a different mother. This mother loses track of time and space. She spits vitriol at her children in her confusion. She hides other people's possessions. I understand the why this happening. It does not make it any easier. So I will be combing my photographs of Beatrice so that you can all see the mother that I have loved all these years. I hope that you can eknjoy getting to know her as much as I have loved her.

See the sparkle in her eyes.

Beatrice is and always will be a teacher. She was my first teacher and it appears that she will continue to teach me about life, even now, as I watch her drift away from me.

Brew

Brew
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

i really needed this today. today my sister (princess) and my mother left town. it was nearly a traumatic experience. i can't even really think about it too much yet as it leaves me feeling sad and morose.

Demented

 

Watching your parents become old and feeble is hard. I spent the day following a half-day at work driving to the Mayo Clinic to have a medical professional tell me what I already know deep in my soul. My mother (like her mother twenty years ago) is losing all touch with reality. I don't think she is really aware that this is happening because of the brain insult she had when she had her kidney transplant 6 years ago now. She is not oriented to time, space or place. She apparently did know that GHBush is president of the US and that she does not like him or his father. Maybe there is an emotional aspect to some of this. My mother has conversations that wander around the galaxy. She talks about her mother and told strangers on the elevator that she was on her way to visit with her. She talked about my dog being in the car with us. She talked about not wanting to be an inconvenience for any of us; she asked me why I was being so mean to her. She mentioned just moments later that she was really enjoying talking with me. She traversed half a century in moments and recalled moments from my childhood. Then she was back in the present or stopping on her way to a future that I am not privvy to.

I am the one who feels confused and worried. So we will have to have around-the-clock coverage for her once she returns to Atlanta. I spent a chunk of the afternoon searching for adult locator bracelets. Harder to find than I anticipated. GPS chips that can be injected under the skin; I think that we have that for lost pets. Maybe those are just ID chips. Bracelets, anklets, you name it. Cheap ($40) to expensive ($500). But you have to ask yourself; what price for your loved ones.