Your Turn!

Reviewing details of an appeal brief. Lawyers use so much hyperbole and jargon that it is remarkable that anything ever gets done in our society. Even the good ones. Quietly going about my business. Angry daughter, angry wife about the deteriorated relationship between us and the hostile and angry 13 year old. I imagine that my daughter would like to live anywhere but here right now. She is approaching the point of eruption or implosion. She is filled with contempt and despite repeated attempts to engage her she is being reclusive and dismissive. I understand her frustration, but I find it difficult to have her constant insolent and demanding personality to experience when I have enough of my own stuff going on. Teenage films are filled with fantasy about growing up and seeing it from the other side. I want my fantasy to include not having the kids. It would mean having money and being able to travel and eat out periodically. Not that I would not regret not having them, but fewer issues would be nice.

Wake Up

It is a beautiful sunny Saturday morning here in Minneapolis. The air is fresh and there is the slightest cooling breeze. I can breathe today. That is literal and figurative. What about all those poor souls who can't get relief? Soldiers, homeless people, people who live in devastated and war-torn areas? I bet they are not worried about what the DJIA is doing or what the pundits on Wall Street have to say about the economy. They are worried about the next meal or where to sleep in safety. Kids who may not have known a day of peace or had time to stop and look at a flower. Mothers who worry more about friendly fire than what to prepare for dinner. Imagine waking up to the sounds of armor piercing bullets or a bullhorn advising you to stay indoors for the day. We have to wake up and allow others to enjoy some of the freedoms that we have. We have to be willing to have less so others can have enough!!

Aching Heart

Tonight is one of those nights. I am not so tired. My heart aches. I just finished reading a brief the attorney is preparing for an appeal of the most recent court decision. The wound is about to be rent open again. I am not sure that this family will survive the next gory attack.

Chocolate, Wine and Music

Yes, it was a tough day at work. We sent a 17 year old home with her mother. Her mother has failed to protect her and her younger sister from at LEAST two sexual predators. One is the girls's father, who is currently in prison. But he was able to make a court appearance today. The other is a man with the same first name. Mom should avoid "Marvins" with a passion. She will not likely though. Statistically, we have little chance of success with Mom. Or her daughters for that matter. Generational transmission of sexual victimization is rampant, unless we can provide the right interventions. We may not have time to accomplish this though. The Court simply wants to clear this matter from its calendar.

Music is Jazz mix on iPod...right now it is Eliane Elias.

Wine is Chappellet. Never heard of this merlot, but it is at least as good as a nice table wine.

Chocolate - Hershey's...can't always be Godiva.

The combo is fantastic though.

Still Life

Still Life, originally uploaded by discerning light.

Have you hugged anyone at all today? Tuesday I had lunch with an old friend. We caught up with each other. Seems no matter how much time has passed between visits that we can always start where we left off. He is separated now, but looks better than he has in years. I am happy to know that he is taking charge of his life! Time is a strong and persistent healer, if we allow it to happen.

Weather here still sucks. Too hot, too muggy, too hard to breathe. I have become a prisoner of A/C. Maybe I could be like the boy in the bubble. We could keep my body temp constant and I could function almost normally. Of course, that would mean that I really could not give anyone a hug.

Go make someone's day. Even if you can't literally give them a hug, you can send them a virtual hug. A note or two to remind them that they are important to you.

Air Quality

Last week when I was busy transporting children to medical and mental health appointments I noticed how terrible the traffic is here in my town. Mild road rage, disrespect and anger are boiling up. There are so many cars and trucks and vans and buses on the roads. The buses pass on the shoulder during rush hours. I know why but it still frightens me each time one of the behemoths cruises by on my right. These rush hours get longer and longer - now two to seven pm...and I do not even know what the morning times are. Fortunately for me, I do not usually have to resort to highway travel during these times. But it is summer time in Minnesota, meaning we are in full swing for our ROAD CONSTRUCTION. This means slower lanes, fewer lanes and more insanity. It also means poor air quality. Wheezing for me and headaches. I do not recall so many people living here. Where are we going to and coming from? I long for a short bus or bike ride in to work, with a decent grocery store within easy walking distance of my house. A small yard so that I can use a push mechanical mower, if at all. I think a flower and rock and wildflower lawn makes the most sense. Let the prairie do its thing here in the spring, summer and fall. I do not mind shoveling snow by hand. Even frequent snow falls as long as they are not heavy and wet.

So all the putrid air hanging over the city means I can't breathe. Means I can't ride my bike far. Means I can't play tennis or go for those long mind clearing walks. Means more air conditioning inside for me, which just adds to the problems of air quality. Sucks.

Show Some Emotion, Baby!

To all the mothers and fathers who have raised teenagers, I have to stop and say, Thanks. There is nothing on this earth like a human teenager when it comes to indignities, self-righteousness, and emotional expression. Each and every day is a made-for-television movie drama. It might start with something so simple as having a stomach ache, but it will probably end with tears and gnashing of coming-of-age teeth. For this parent, that translates into my cell phone going off in the midst of work. "This is an emergency, Daddy!" Unfortunately, my own teen years were characterized by emotional suppression. "Keep a lid on it, boy." There is nothing that could have prepared me for the roller coaster ride of abject lows and near-cocaine-like highs that I can see in just a matter of minutes. Fortunately, I am OK with this transition, too!

Can You Hear Me Now?

Lots and lots of people wish they could have someone listen to them. People talk to me all day long. They talk and talk and talk. I listen and when I am ready to respond, there is a general disgust about what I have to say. Hear me, Hear me, Hear ME!

What is it that I want to say? Just because you went to LAW SCHOOL does not make you a superior human being. Lawyers are not inherently smarter than "normal people". The truth is a commodity that can be traded and manipulated. The best argument wins.

This is pretty much like real life as well. Everybody has something they wish to sell. Important as dialogue might be to conflict resolution, it is a dying art. We live in the age of the sound byte. Say whatever you must in order to win the argument. Truth be damned.

OK, so why all the vitriol? Court of late has been a battle of the diverging truths. Mother assaulted by child's father. She is arrested when the police arrive at her house. Dad makes the call but flees. Mother swears that she was not assaulted by him, but in the same breath tells me that she knows that he is convicted of a domestic assault and is now in prison.

Dad agrees to a home visit by me and the GAL. He has an emergency and calls off the visit. I talk with him about this and he comes "clean". His house is a mess and he can't have us over yet. He also cancels his in-home visit with the therapist assisting him with reunification with his daughter. Now I have to provide this new information to the judge. Frustrating.

Sex offender dad calls me from prison. He just lays into me. Does not want to hear what I have to say. He has an agenda. His agenda is to puff himself up and to let me know that he will prevail- no matter what I do in this case.

Mother of same child calls me minutes later. She hates the program she is in. She knows that the judge has already told her she must do this. She just wants to get back to her old lifestyle. This is a lifestyle that has lead to five of her six children being placed somewhere else. It is almost hopeless.

Judge orders me to remove a child from her father's home. Remove the child because the mother alleges that he is violent. Alleges that he is abusive. This mother has been asked for documentation. She has failed to provide that information. Moms have drugs problems and have their children at home with them. Dads have to be saints in order to have their children living with them. Better a foster home than a father's home. Ouch!

Yesterday

Truly all my problems seemed so very far away. But as ever not for long. People disappoint. There is no getting around that. We can't live up to the constant demands and requests of other people. I am not sure but I certainly feel as if I am a constant disappointment for my wife. I can't seem to ever do right. I talk too little. I talk too much. I am too compassionate and forgiving. I am unrealistic in my demands. I am loving and thoughtful and moments later, crass and indifferent to her needs. I am lazy while busy doing more than my designated share of work. I am confused. I am human. I am on vacation and wish to relax. I want her to have the freedom to define herself as she wishes. I do not interfere with her morning prayer time, nor her desire to engage in church or community activities. I shuttle the kids to and from soccer, take time from work for transporting to medical and school appointments. She can attend or not based on her work schedule and desire to be there. Why then am I almost always in the dog house?

Today is the day to reflect and appreciate what it means to be a citizen of the USA. People from all over the world want to be here. They cross the borders illegally and with the express consent of the government. Phoenix 115 degrees today...hot and humid elsewhere. We take more than we give. We expect others to make the sacrifices that we ourselves are not willing to make. We expect all this and at WalMart prices. That is overkill. Simplification is my answer. Simpler emotions and simpler lifestyle. Bike when I can. Walk sometimes and drive less. Buy when I need instead of when I want. Easier said than done.

Tired Feet

Tired Feet, originally uploaded by unohuu.

This is real...Kids do not have to keep up appearances. When they are tired they let us know. When they are hungry or something does not taste good to them, they let us know. When did we adults make that ambassadorial change? When did we start to hide our emotions and put on the happy face? When did we become artificial?

Today's headlines are about the Supreme Court; the folly of putting a wall between the US and Mexico; the usual number of murders and mayhem in our cities; the pending health care insurance crisis in our country and one item of special note. A dad sacrificed his life to save the life of his child. Heroic. I wonder what that child's life will be like in the future. That is one very special child. Heaven's blessings on this man.

So, some of you are wondering what is going on with my mother and the all -powerful, all-knowing Ms POA. She sent an invitiation from the ADC for the 4th of July open house they are having. I am sure she had this for some time though because attached to the e-mail is her lamentation about not being able to get it scanned. I read this lament and thought "how about just passing the information on to us?" Why the grand production? Why the solicitous attitude. As you can see, I am still angry with her. Not many can maintain that level of vilification in my mind. I guess she is special. Maybe her eyes are bluer than mine.

I have time to write today because I am again on vacation...on a respite from the incessant demands of my job. Look for more thoughts on being real.

All Dressed in White

All Dressed in White, originally uploaded by unohuu.

June is over. I had two weddings this month. One was my family. Of course, I attended more weddings this month than I ever have. My niece also had a wedding. I drove more miles this month than a OTR trucker. Memphis, St. Louis, Chicago, Louisville. Just missed Atlanta as well, but that was last month. It takes its toll on the mind and the body.

She was radiantly beautiful. This was fun. I heard the rumor that she was changing into Bridezilla, but I did not witness it. Just the glow of joy. It came off without a hitch. He, too, is equally photogenic. You can see the photos of them on Flickr.

Sneeze, Drip, Cough

Things have changed. The hot dry weather means that hayfever started a month earlier for me. Itchy eyes, running nose, scratchy throat. The drugs make me drowsy and more lethargic than usual. Inert. But it can't slow me down too much. There are things to do and people to see. Soccer is almost over, but we start gymnastics and pottery for BK when the holiday week is over. That's right. For the first time in my working career (even that is different), I am taking a true holiday vacation. It seems wierd to me since I have always had to work vacations. Whether my FT or PT jobs, I have always been low on the seniority list (factor of switching jobs often). Now though I am one of the old timers.

A good book or two. Some music, games for the rainy days, swim suit and cameras. That's all I really need. Oh yeah, and a PT job to pay for this vacation. Wish me luck.

Take it Back

We live in a world where good people sometimes can't do enough to warrant the rewards of their behavior. We live in a world in which innocent children are shot down while doing homework. We live in a world in which newborns are dumped into garbage containers. We live in a world in which children are pitted against seniors for the diminishing pie of available money.

We live in a world in which the sun rises and warms our hearts and minds and bodies. We live in a world in which every one has the same twenty-four hours. What we do within those twenty-four hours defines who we are. We can choose to be loving or hateful. We can choose to be aloof or engaged. We can choose to laugh or cry. Thankful or miserable. Your choice.

We do know that the truth will prevail. After all the monuments have crumbled. After all the seas have dried up. The truth will prevail.

Slip-on Shoes

My sister and I had time to talk while I was driving and more after I got back from Chicago. My brother is now focusing on all the things that his family did not provide for him. He is annoyed or angry that our father made it to only 1 football game of his...he fails to recall the many other gifts he received from the family. I told my dad that I recalled him giving me an egg and sausage sandwich when I had missed breakfast once as a child. It was a big deal for me; apparently just parent fodder for him. That is the way that life is. We make mountains of molehills and expect that everyone attaches the same emotional significance to an event. That is big and small. So, apparently, the brother eventually started wearing slip-on shoes because his older siblings tired of tying his shoes and he was reluctant to learn. Tough being the baby in a family. I think we middle kids have it easier. Lower expectations (excepting the princesses in my family).

Withdrawal

It has been many a day since I last posted. It is a combination of factors. Life is speeding up. My oldest is now an official teen, instead of being a "wannabe teen". She has launched a full scale attack on the adults in her life. We are to blame for all her teenage angst and the principal targets for her new found wrath. Where did this little monster come from? It is imperative that I find my center and remain there.

There are personal attacks at work as well. I am being bombarded by the rants and complaints of the many clients that I work with who have personality disorders. It is enough to make one want to scream for submission. I could walk away from this job right now.

In addition we have soccer for the younger sibling. He needs a personal chauffer to drive him from place to place. I do not mind taking him, but it is summer here in MN and we are full into our second season (road repair) which means detours and slow traffic.

The situation with my POA sister is relentless as well. She parses out information as if it were being removed from her personal treasury. She tells us that a visit from my aunt from Gary is imminent, but fails to share that the annual checkup physical to Mayo for our mother is not necessary since she consulted with the Mayo Clinic and it was determined that routine tests could be completed in GA with her physician and then Mayo could decide. Of course, those tests are probably completed now. We wait with baited breath to get the results. Meanwhile the inane "friendly emails" continue. I am starting to think of them as distractions. She can tell the world that she worked at "maintaining contact". I would rather have my daily dose of spam from total strangers than some semi-conciliatory drivel from my sister who has been granted the authority to hold our mother hostage. I think that might make a nice anagram.
(SWHBGAHOMH)

My brother and SIL have honeymooned now and eagerly await the photos from their wedding. Yet they know that 1) I drove the father who almost did not get to perform the ceremony home to IL 2) rushed back to my job and kids 3) will be driving our father from St. Louis to Memphis for another wedding. And selling more assets to pay for the attorney that he agreed we should have to appeal the decision made earlier this year. Of course, he does not respond to email or pleas for assistance. He managed to call me quite a few times over the weekend while I was away for peace and quiet. Yet failed to respond to emails regarding his own wedding photography or requests for selection of the photos. I will be shot before I give my time and energy to another unappreciative and ungrateful family member. Some people have no concept of talent or professionalism since they have minions to do all for them.

Guess that brings me back to my present reality. Time to write some books and make some sense of the maelstrom. Later.

80mph

taken at 80mph returning from the wedding that almost was. what more can we know? we have the right to dissent from the status quo. we even still have the right to "free speech" as long as it does not become a Homeland Security issue. What do you think?

Oops

Expediently forgetful. Seems my little bro' called my sister. Thanked her for the wedding present she sent to them...ignoring the request for input and financial assistance with the new attorney's fees. He simply ignored the request I sent him a few days ago. I know they have been busy getting to know each other in the Biblical sense. Enough is enough. Bluster, rhetoric, hyperbole. Enough already. Cough up or shut up. That is all that I am asking. Is that too much?

Salt n' Peppa

Salt n' Peppa, originally uploaded by unohuu.

My brother married on Saturday. I flew into Chicago and drove with my uncle and father down to Louisville. There were not many wedding style events. No rehearsal dinner (in facct, there was no rehearsal), nor any kind of family gathering. We showed up; I set up my camera and my father's video camera and waited. A few minutes later, people started appearing. I had no idea who belonged to anyone side of the family. It really got me to thinking. I met my S-I-L and eventually her parents (who seemed truly disinterested in knowing us). I know nothing of her except snippets of what I overheard in hushed tones. She has been divorced twice. She has a twenty-one year old son. They were actually married last month so that they could purchase the house together. Our family has secrets. We could teach the hush hush services a thing or two. We could train spies.

This image was a practice shot for me. But it has become a reality as I think back to what the family has become. Ms POA wanted to hear from us and now she is simply ignoring the information that we shared with her. I think she needs a mental status exam. What purpose does it serve to tear this already weakened family apart? What will she get? What is in it for her? I continue to scratch my head in wonder.

My father's physical abilities continue to diminish. He refuses to give up though. My brother joked about him falling asleep during the ceremony. I knew that not being able to perform this after driving all the way would have broken his heart. In his own way, my gruff old dad is just an old sap. He is a soft touch for bunnies and cats and small children. He loves romance. I caught him watching Titanic last night on TV.

Back to the grist mill system of making empty promises to protect children. We have come full circle for sure when all one has to do is scream about the injustice of the very system designed to protect children from families and predators. I am not saying that we do not provide a valuable service to the community - I am saying that our efforts are only half-assed. Too much violence and neglect before we remove them. Too much damage to their psyches. Too few psychologists and social workers in charge. Too many business-oriented managers that want to count the widgets and show with some certainty that we are doing our job. What price for a life? Imagine she is your daugher or he your nephew. What price then?

Louisville

flight into Chicago today. Uncle and Dad picked me up at MDW and we hit the road for Louisville. My brother is getting married on Saturday. Nice drive. Much shorter than that trek to Hotlanta.

Twenty-six Years

It was twenty-six years ago today. Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. This was my first wife. College buddy, fantastic friend over the years. She writes. Read her stuff. She creates jewelry. Buy her stuff. She is a great mom. I watched her as I struggled through a myriad of relationships. We stayed in loose touch with each other.

Given the state of my own family now, looking back through the years, I see patterns. My sister is the only one who has remained consistent through all of this. My sister manages to live and let others live as they wish. My two horribly selfish and and egotistical sisters have been nothing more that wall covering. One is a serious narcissist; the other a histrionic borderline. If they were clients instead of family I would be recommending medication. But then neither would listen.

Now I sit and wait for those precious moments when my mother is lucid and coherent. I hope that she recalls who I am each time I call. I know that she is overwhelmed by the sheer audacity of Ms POA and her hired CREW, but in a corrupt and inept system designed to protect the status quo, we must be patient.

Today my soon to be a teenaged daughter asked if I approve of GWB's politics. I was emphatic in my response. I know I have said this before, but it merits repeating. For a bunch of folks who want libertarian-like small unobtrusive government, the Republican Party sure does seem bent of intruding into our lives. Abortion, non-traditional marriage, fixing gas prices, sponsoring a state religion and mandating English as our national language. I think they are just the puppets of their true masters - Business as usual here in the USA. Give business what they want even if it is not in this nation's best interests. Give business what they want less they should pack up and move to a less environmentally conscious place. Maybe they could all move the Mexico and eliminate the need to build the very long fence. Maybe they could all move to Sri Lanka or India where they desire to work is strong. Maybe they thought of that and realize that business is afforded protection here that they can't get else where.

enough said. buy some jewelry from my ex-wife and say hello to her from me.