Alabaster Box

we are out again. seems that i can do no right. my actions and behavior are always suspect. no explanation or discussion required. guilty as charged. we only look at my part in this debacle. it is emotionally draining. kind of like the current presidential administration. always looking for the "half-empty" glass. i recall telling someone last week that instead of looking at the quantity in the glass i am simply trying to be grateful that i have a glass and that no one is trying to destroy it or take it away from me. optimism at its best. i have my frustrating moments...right now i can't sleep and i am up writing this at 1:30 a.m. i know i have work tomorrow, but a bit of anxiety and stress is all it takes to push me over the insomniac edge. i have music as my companion.

Someone is watching!

Do we know; Do we care? 

Banquet

My plate runneth over with misery. Today I had another default TPR. That means the parent did not appear in court. Easy for me, but a sure sign that this child has been abandoned. That simple act will be a traumatic experience for this child for many years when she is able to understand what it means. Each one of these TPR trials take another piece of my soul. I have to find something positive and cathartic to replenish myself. This is actaully painful for me. I want to simply fall into a fetal posture and let the pain of all this world run out of me. Unfortunately, I am not going to do that. Yes, I know this is a benefit for the child. She will have a chance to be adopted by a family that wants her; live in a home where she is valued and loved. She can get the positive nurturing she will surely need in order to become the first female president of the USA. She will have courage and strength beyond my simple comprehension. If you say something often enough, perhaps you can move the truth in that direction. I have to believe that this is now a possibility for this little girl. See she is just 5 moths old. She was born with a bit of cocaine in her system and she may have some developmental hurdles to overcome. I have faith that nurturance can prevail against nature this time.

new dawn

the world seems to be a very sad place for me today. try as i might, i can't swim out of the blue that surrounds me. i am looking at a card on my desk right now that talks about the hope that we can all have if we simply believe. that "one small candle" is about to be extinguished in me. trouble everywhere i look. home front; tough times. work; important as ever but very dreary. i am tired but not the kind of tiredness that a good vacation will cure. this is tired of living in the cesspool of global warming, rampant corruption in business and government. i am tired of reading the paper and hearing about shootings or stabbings. i am tired of reading about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. imagine what life would be like if we heard about the famine in Africa and the brutality of dictatorships in places our press chooses not to report from. i am tired of hearing about abortion and abortion opponents killing, lying and hurting each other. i a frustrated because we all think we are doing the right thing. we each hold a piece of the ELEPHANT sitting in our minds and living rooms. we are thoroughly convinced that the ear is the entire elephant. what happened to dialogue and discourse? when will we start listening to each other? how many more have to die or be maimed before we become unglued from our collective snobbery and realize that we share the same DNA and ultimate fate?

i can't simply be grateful that the sun is coming up each day. i am no longer happy just to have the newspaper waiting for me when i awaken from my comfortable bed. it is too much to have to see that organizations that seek to assist our less fortunate are constantly having to beg for donations. yet we can rant about our large screen TVs and ever-increasingly large homes. more and more i am seeing that more is really less. less time to commune with neighbors and friends. less time to read; less time to see a beautiful sunrise or to experience a glorious sunset. less time to smell the roses. less time to listen to the sound of one hand clapping.

i can't make the world a better place. i can make my place in the world less detrimental to the air, water and environment. i can choose organic produce and meats. i can drive one day less or maybe two. i can share my hopes for a better tomorrow (without GE). i can spend a few minutes actually seeing the person next to me as another infinitely unique individual who is deserving of the same that i want for myself.

fewer news items to hear. less toxicity and more simple joy.

the meditative muse

yesterday we Minnesotans had a chance to relive what we have cried about for months now. Winter came to visit before it ultimate seasonal departure. This time though, winter came with vengeance. It seems Old Man Winter does not like the weak and ineffective characterizations he has heard of late. OMW wants us to know that even with global warming, we can still feel his steely and icy fingers. Driving was a nightmare. It was a nightmare with beautiful scenery. Trees and practically everything else covered in snow - stop signs, license plates, windows and driveways. We good Minnesotans will certainly have something to talk about until the torrential rains start next month or perhaps until we reach our summer drought. I, for one, am glad we got a thorough dowsing of snow. It was beginning to look a we bit drab outside. Off to court soon. Perhaps I will have a happy ending to write about later today. That would be nice. Question is, whose ending to be happy?

It's Coming

The snow piles have melted. We will get more snow but we have turned the corner, being closer to Spring than Winter now. The trees will be budding. We have survived another mild winter. No horror stories here of death and freezing like in the FSU. We are blessed and yet we will not acknowledge the blessings. We look for creepy crawlers everywhere. We close our borders and wax poetically about our xenophobia, all the while ignoring how we got here. No more! 

Young Moms in Training

I work with intergenerational chronic neglect and abuse families. Although this 13 year old is not presently involved in the CP system, she could well be on her way. She lives in conditions that are not conducive to becoming an educated and productive member of our society. This baby she is holding is the daughter of her aunt. The aunt is severely developmentally delayed and has two children that she has had to "forfeit" The baby went to the aunt, who lives with this child and her three siblings; a cousin from CA; the father of her children; the developmentally delayed aunt - she also doubles as caregiver for the aunt; and whoever else happens to drop by to stay for a day or two in the apartment that no one person can afford. See no one works in this home. All are either disability eligible or part of the great increasing subsociety of children whose parents are no longer TANF eligible. The cycle continues.  

Abstracts

I work in the world of abstracts. We talk about transferring custody of children to other people. We talk about Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). We talk about foster care. Most of the people I work with in the permanency unit are too drugged; too developmentally disabled or to mentally ill to really understand the process.

I have to work with them within the context of state and federal guidelines. For the most part their lives have become so dysfunctional that most of them are not likely to "Re-gain" custody of their children. I have to remind myself of the dire consequences for TPRs and TLCs (Transfer of Legal Custody). Do not think for a minute that this Sturm and Drang does not have its own impact on me. It does. I do not sleep well
As it is, it is 2:00 a.m. and I am writing this while I listen to music on headphones. We have to walk the tightrope between what is best for kids and what is socially expedient. So now you know.

What does this have to do with the abstract photographs? You tell me!