Letting Go of My Past

Rather than adding to a list of not-likely-to-achieve events, I am choosing to let go of some of the hurtful periods in my past.  As I was having my morning coffee and driving off to the dog unleashed area, I decided to take a detour.  Dasher and I went to a park near a house I used to live in many years ago.  When we arrived I heard running water. The park staff were already laying down a new coat of water to achieve that glassy surface for skating and hockey.  It was not even 7:00 a.m. but the staff person was there.  Lots of events happen behind the curtain so that life can just go on.

Dasher and I walked around this little park; me shivering and wondering how long my hands would be warm and dreading that moment when he pooped and I would have to remove my glove to scoop up that steaming pile of poop.  Fortunately for me, it was near the end of our walk and we headed right back to the car.

It was in that moment that I understood that sometimes we let our own history get in the way.  We allow the ghosts of people and events from our past tamper with our present.  I think there are a few more locales I may have to visit to simply say goodbye and express my thanks for what good I was able to take from that experience.  Since we are all the sum total of our experiences and can't change what experiences we have had, it is important for me to acknowledge my past.  Holding on to the failures or the perception of failure does not do any good.  Learning from the experience is another matter.  You can still let it go, though when you have taken from it what you needed.

A couple of the places don't even exist anymore, except in my memory.  That is a strong hold.  One down, a few more to find.

Control?

The holidays are upon us.  This is the first year in many that I have looked forward to Christmas.  There is good reason. I have learned so much about myself in the past month.  I have been hurt and I have allowed that hurt to come between me and so many people.  At some point, though I decided that I could not just go on in drone-like fashion.  Sleep, feed and walk the dog, go to work, and then feed and walk the dog, get some dinner and watch NCIS and Jeopardy, then call it a night.

I don't like owing people - money, time, favors.  I hate having to ask for something in return.  Part of it is not wanting to be disappointed.  Another very important part of it is making sure no one has his/her hooks in me.  Emotionally, I just wanted to maintain distance.  The more distance, the less likely I was to experience new hurts.  I think I was just so certain that I could keep the pattern of getting through one day at a time and waiting for some miracle for the next day to be better.  Less hurt, less fear of being hurt, less chance of getting hurt.

I gave the world my best and just trudged on daily, not knowing if and when I could see past the brick wall that I had been building up around myself.  I was a good soldier.  I have a quick disarming smile, and a helpful engaging personality.  I can and often do more than might be considered fair, but giving is easy for me.  Receiving is another beast, though.  Not taking, but simply allowing others to share as I have so often shared.  Receiving meant being vulnerable. It means being receptive towards someone. It meant I was not going to be in control.  CONTROL...my nemesis.

The Week in Meditative Muse Land

1. POTUS works to stabilize the relationship the US has with Cuba.  In the process an American is freed with the assistance of the Pope.  POTUS works with a major Christian cleric to achieve what so many have wanted.  It backfires.  Some Cuban-Americans think POTUS' actions are traitorous. 
2. Sony computer system is hacked and secret documents are leaked.  The leak gives information about how the executives think of their actors, society in general and women.  Later we find out that the North Koreans are to blame.  The story quickly transforms into Sony versus the actors guild.  This is also considered an act of cyber terrorism.  US is more concerned about the withdrawal of the movie, The Interview, than the problem with one more closed computer system being infiltrated.  
3. Mall of America decides it will not allow protestors into MOA during the busy holiday season.  Bloomington PD meets with organizers hoping to avoid arrests.  How very interesting that the police are trying to avoid conflict and violence in this situation.  
4. Witness #40 in the Grand Jury Process is exposed.  I am sure this story is just beginning to develop.  
5. The Bear, Putin, watches while the Russian economy tanks, probably due to petrochemical prices.  Putin blames the US embargo.  
6. Elizabeth Warren is a holdout on the awful budget proposal because Citigroup dumps language that brings us closer to the next financial brink.  

Patriotism and Anarchy

Question: What is the difference between the protests in Ferguson and New York and around the nation in support of the people who are claiming over reach by police in some jurisdictions and the unlawful armed insurrection at the Bundy ranch earlier this year?

Cliven Bundy

Right Wing Radicals

Why didn't those law-abiding patriotic citizens obey the law enforcement agents? Was there a consequence for non-compliance?

1 Answer: No one was arrested.

I Can't Breathe

The past few months has given us all an indication of where we fit into other people's lives.  This is not always a racial thing. Sometimes it is political, financial, social, spiritual or personal ideology.

Ferguson, Missouri

Minneapolis, MN 

Cleveland, OH

New York, New York

It is not just black male youth.  We have forgotten the stories of the children who were killed in the mass shootings.  We have forgotten the story about the young woman in the auto accident who was shot by the homeowner.  We have forgotten about the violence against women.  We have overlooked the abuse of children and women by the athletes in their lives.  We have ignored the messages and lessons from children found in secret hiding places.  We have been bombarded with the stories of sexual abuse in the church and by celebrities.  We are overwhelmed with mass shootings.  We are tired of police vigilantism .

The people are at each other's throats, thirsting for blood or answers or direction or something other than what we have had.  We are killing ourselves.  We are killing our children, our neighbors, our parents, our lovers, our planet.  We have to stop. 

Enough Already!

There are many people who are not clear about the grand jury and the lack of an indictment. There are many daily small injustices in the world. I see the evidence of those. We each have an anecdote about something tragic and awful that happened to someone who fits more comfortably into a demographic we favor. We can't trade in despair and tragedy. Each loss of a human life is a cause for sorrow. From the aborted fetus to the wrongfully accused and convicted death row inmate. Each injustice is a human scar we can not erase. We each carry this with us as human beings.

We are not each other's enemy and we must stop having this discussion as if we are. Mike Brown was someone's son; possibly someone's brother. Many of the people who are protesting simply think that "stealing cigars" may not have been cause for the events between Mike Brown and Darren Wilson. Both are unwitting participants in our national paralysis regarding race/ethnic relationships here. Neither wanted to be a catalyst for the protests/rioting/apologists/deniers that have arisen from this confrontation.

Darren Wilson is also someone's son, and neighbor. He has become the most recent poster child for the brutality that our community is experiencing. When I say our I mean the collective our - not the black community, or the Ferguson community, not even the urban community. The violence, poverty, disparities directly and indirectly affect all of us.

We can mourn for Mike Brown and his family and still hope that there is justice in the future. If we do not begin to address the issues that have percolated up from the depths of our unconsciousness we will continue to make the same mistakes in future interactions between the Mike Brown and the police in more of our communities.

Reach across the political divide. Talk to someone of another economic class. Have a coffee with another color-collar worker. We spend our time and energy trying to convince other people that our story is as valid as the other, while not hearing the sincerity and authenticity of that story. It is not a zero sum game.