a couple

 
it was nearing sunset. i was on my way home and the lighting was nearly perfect. i stopped and wandered down the path by the abandoned building. across the creek i could see a couple. she had a camera in hand and they were shooting portraits i think. when they became aware of my presence they took of in a direction that i could not easily follow. i was not really interested in them anyway. i thought this would simply be the most advantageous spot to see parts of this abandoned site that i had not previously seen. it is a site worth exploring sometime with shadows and stray light through broken and jagged windows. i was glad to know that someone else appreciates the antiquity and graffiti that i see as i pass by here regularly. 

More Tulips

More Tulips
Originally uploaded by Luke Luther.

question that comes to mind is what will these look like come Mothers' Day? what do you think?

Wake Up Everybody

worked with a couple today in my last session. they are the epitome of a relationship in trouble. they both are in tremendous pain but do not seem to hear that the mate is also in pain. no ability to listen to each other. no compassion. lots of yes, buts. the husband wants revenge and the wife simply wants a break from the constant harangue of criticism. i am not sure that either one of them heard what i had to say. i was quite distraught when i left the counseling office. it is a symptom of the rushing and doing that permeates our mindsets. we have to have this_________ and to do that_____. we must be seen here (______) and heard listening to_______ or talking with_____. you have to fill in all your own blanks here.

so right now i am listening to Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes and now Jean Luc Ponty on his electric violin.

Flowers are blooming here. My wife has tulips coming in. I love them before they bloom. See the most recent photos at Someday Studio.

tomorrow i may also have time to get to the flower gardens at Lake Harriet.

it starts with a look across a room. most of the space between that moment and the onset of hopeless disrepair is a blur. a hormone-induced and meaningful blur, but obviously not reality anyway. it feels like we are running apart from each other. i work harder at being a family guy; coming home from work and making time for my wife and kids. she works long hours and then wants to be the center of all the attention when she is available. inevitable conflict. i am supposed to shut off my feelings for my children when they leave my house each week. then we can just be a newly wed couple who have time for expensive dinners and all the stuff that she wants. i guess not bearing the children means not having to take any responsibility for them. there was a dad at soccer practice last night who was talking with his son's mother. it appeared to me that he was quite bored, just sitting there with the other soccer parents, watching their children learn to play together and grow in those little ways all to evident when you watch and talk with them regularly. i thought it was ironic that i was better able to talk to this mom than her son's father (i am guessing they were not married). see our kids go to the same school and share some of the same friends. a commonality - small but important. now i have my own wife who does not want me to invest time and energy into our children (she is the only one calling herself step-mom) and asking me to do what policymakers have already deemed to be anathema. african-american father that i am, i should simply ignore the needs of my own children because i have "another" family now. smells like jealousy to me.

Great idea

This quote I saw this morning while relaxing a bit. It is succint!

"Knowing the truth is fairly useless; feeling it is profound; living it makes all the difference."

Green

 

We are now in the middle of Spring. Tulips are coming up. Flowers are blooming. Pollen and dust are floating and blowing in the spring breezes. Days are warm and nights are pleasantly cool. Just the way I like it. It will not stay this way. We will continue to the hot and muggy summer months here. Those months I really used to enjoy but I think I will want to escape some of the summer heat here. Tempers are already short. Patience is in short supply. If it is too hot here we may have a summer of discontent. If gas prices cross the $3/gal mark before Memorial Day, there will be trouble in KC, and NYC, plenty of other places. Why me might actually start to slow down. But the machine will want to see progress and innovation (as long as innovation does not cut into huge corporate excesses and frivolous use of shareholder's net gains). After all $400 million to a retiring executive who has already robbed the coffers is a bit of excess...even in America. Who knew? 

Life

This is what happens while I observe and wait for the best parts to start. Everything seems to be working backwards from where I was a year ago. Just when I think our marriage has improved I find that I have again done something horribly wrong. This week it was taking my daughter to her therapy appointment on a day that she is not usually with me. That meant I would have to have contact with my ex since she would come pick up the kids. Well the therapy appointment time was all wrong. My son told me he was hungry; I shrugged off the inconvenience and took the kids to Pizzeria Uno; called the ex and told her to meet us there. I made the mistake of sharing my quesadillas with her. When I told my wife this she blew a gasket. It seems that the stars were all aligned and in duplicitous efforts she cancelled coming to the appointment (of her own accord); turned off her cell so I could not reach her; waited for me following the tryst with my ex and the kids and I was late because I stopped to buy some film at the camera store. I forgot to mention that only 1/2 hour earlier I had been accosted telephonically buying posterboard for a school project (again, not on my day)!

the ensuing squabble resulted in an all night harangue and me going to bed with headache. but the discussion (argument, conflagration, melee) did not stop there. i was kicked by my adoring and considerate wife because she was angry with me for refusing to continue this well into the night. i told her i simply had had enough. when the kicking became too much i rose from the bed, headed to basement and slept on the uncomfortable sofa that i hate to SIT on, let alone try to sleep on. next day, it was my fault for refusing to listen to her temperamental tirade. gotta reconsider that.

Urban Trees

These provide us with shade (homes); cool breezes (air conditioning); and fuel (eneergy for micowave, coffeemaker, etc). We all hate them in our backyard, but we consume more electricity every year. Our computers, microwave ovens, battery and small electric chargers, lights, larger TV and HES (Home Entertainment Systems); laptops, PSII, Gamecubes, VCRs, Tivo and DVRs. Well I think you get it. We are certainly reap what we have sown. More wood for larger homes that we spend less time in; not more. Bigger kitchens, bedrooms as large as 1950s era houses. 60 Minutes reported on the number of hours corporate workers spend at their jobs or connected to their jobs. Amazingly the small appliances keep us connected to the workplace, yet they do not make us more productive (efficient). We are number 4 or so on the list - right after some of those lazy Europeans who take many hours of vacation each year. What is going on? Your guess is as good as mine. But I would fathom a simple guess - we have our priorities confused.