Frost

Frost, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I live in a world that is a total paradox. I want my children to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. They have access to information on the internet and through their smart phones. They have opportunities that I could only dream of. That is my reality.

Their reality is completely different. I do not understand it in the least. My daughter who is now 16 and counting does not work, will not lift a hand around the house for anyone other than herself. She refuses to engage in discussion or conversation UNLESS she wants something. She wants a ride to the credit union to get holiday shopping money (I put the allowance directly into savings for both kids). I told her she would have to find something to do for at least a couple of hours so I can work some today. Her response, total disgust and surprise. "What am I going to do?" My response, "Maybe you could get your shopping done, as you will be in DT Minneapolis!" She walked away.

When they ask a simple dictionary or reference question, I refer them to the appropriate "app" on the smart phones they both use. If they want to discuss something I am happy to offer an opinion...but my job is not to give answers. I think my job is to 1) provide them with access to the information (our house is completely wireless and both have their own laptops) and, 2) help them think through where, how and why the answer might be what they found.

But I guess I am alone in this. Creative thought and desire for knowledge appear to have fled the scene. Hope we can track it down.

Togetherness

We try to be nice to each other. We act as if there really is a relationship with my teenaged daughter, but we can't really communicate with each other. We have different agendas. My agenda involves preparing her to leave our house, with all the skills and resources she needs to be successful. Try as I might, I am not able to persuade her that getting a job and getting her life "organized" is a good start. I know that today I will get a frantic phone call from her, asking me to deviate from my schedule in order to accomodate her. I give her the tools she needs, and she chooses not to use them. I give and she takes. I suggest and she ignores. I plead and she cries harrassment. I ask and I am put on hold. Everything is more important than the relationship that I have groomed over the years. She threatens to leave and I challenge her to hit the bricks. It is not what I want, but the anger and frustration boils over inside and I let out the hurt.

Thanks

Thanksgiving. A time to stop and give thanks for ...Black Friday, Cyber Monday, football. I am sure that is why people traveled hundreds and thousands of miles. To stand in line to get more of what we do not need. To have a chance to be seen. To catch a cold. To make new friends. To ogle. Cease fires are like this. The Democrats and Republicans continue to snark at each other. The president gets a bloody nose playing a bit of basketball on holiday and it becomes fodder for the feud. Former first lady speaks out with her opinion and the infighting ensues. Left vs right. Polemic politics. It will be the demise of our civilization. Did this happen in Greece, China, Mesopotamia, Egypt? Did the constant bickering just end the process of growth and progress?

I have a neighbor that is doing good. That will not get national attention, because it will not sell. I have friends that have created non-profits to assist those less able, and they will get nothing heard or said about them. I work with hard-working yet poor people everyday. They get up, go to work and pay their bills. They have not benefited from bailout money or mortgage reform. They buy groceries and coffee and keep the engine of this society moving.

It is to them that I offer my thanks. May each and everyone of us stop; take a moment and simply thank our neighbor, our police, our mayor, our Main Street business owners.

Opacity

Opacity, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

What's wrong with lettting or telling our kids to take the bus. We change our schedules to accomodate their daily needs. We provide them with bikes and scooters that sit in garages. We drive them to the corner store, the mall, the game stores (while we hear that we are all overweight). We hear them plan and scheme with their friends, well knowing that those plans are ersatz plans to provide cover for the genuine plans.

We lament that they will not find jobs, while laundry piles up, walks remain unshoveled, dishes overflow in the sink. Dust bunnies float around our sofas, and the TV screens they so love are tuned to channels and presentations we wish they would not watch. Tell them to take the bus. Take the bus to the museum; to the library; to a convalescent center. Take the bus to window shop at a gallery. Take the bus to the free music at the conservatory or the university in your area. Take the bus to the arboretum and learn about botany or landscape design. Take the bus to the river front or lake shore and contemplate life. Skip stones. Feed the birds bread crumbs.

Take the bus to see the city. Take the bus to a farm. Take the bus and learn something new!

Tufts

Winter Sweater, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I make a lot of photos. I like to see the world through the back of a camera. A bit of microcosmic view of the big world that I see everyday. Some people like big sweeping landscapes. I like the details of the landscape. That tuft of snow on the tree branch. I like the earring on the headshot portrait. I like the eyelashes in a shot.

I also get asked to look at many photos. It is a tough job, not because the photos are not technically or artistically good. It is tough because everyone has a different interpretation of what he or she finds pleasing. Ask yourself what you like in your photography. Details, color, composition, subject matter. Find a way to emphasize that in your photos.

Faded Red Dodge

Faded Red Dodge, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sometimes when life is stressful you have to make small changes, not massive ones. I stopped and took a few frames of this truck yesterday, even though I knew I had a stack of important work on my desk. I like the color and the shapes. Did it help? Maybe. I did have just a couple of minutes of joy in the midst of all the negative attack ads, the constant bickering about who is right about the economy, and lamenting about the proposed health care reform.

Focus on what is right in the world, even if just for a few minutes. I can tell you that it can alter your perspective. We have more in common that we dare believe. Practice loving yourself, and maybe loving your "neighbor" will be easier.

Contemplation

Contemplation, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

If one might contemplate all that parenthood can mean, it might reduce the chance of over population. People will surprise you. Not that anyone can predict what will happen. Life is a risk...daily.

Spotted Lilly

Spotted Lilly, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

there is beauty all around us
if we simply open our eyes
our hearts and our minds

take time to stop and watch the clouds
in the sky and reflections in the water.

enjoy the honest and simple smile
of the tow-headed snaggle-toothed child

listen to the sounds of crickets and buzzing
bees, fluttering butterflies dashing darts.

flowers dancing back and forth in the gentle
summer breeze.

there is beauty everywhere. if we just slow
down for a simple minute. We can choose.

Blame Game

abstract, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

We are all sitting, waiting, watching to see when President Obama and/or British Petroleum are able to stop the gush (it is not a leak, people) of oil into the gulf. We are looking to blame someone, as always here. We are not solution-focused, but blame-seeking. Assigning blame makes it easier for us to litigate later.

We are all to blame. Living in excessively large homes, driving out multitude of cars. We wait for the oil companies to make us want to change. They do that by raising oil barrel prices and we whine and complain about how much of our limited and shrinking budgets go for petroleum products and the by products of said petroleum.

We choose synthetic materials over natural ones.

We choose SUVs and large horsepower autos over fuel efficient means of transportation. We choose our political leaders in such a way as to reinforce our need for speed, greed, and lucre.

We look at the devastation of small economies and we pitch in to help mega-corporations with their pittances set aside to put an end to WHAT.

We sit at home in front of our big screen and LCD or plasma entertainment centers and watch how it is THERE. W e complain that the BIG government should be doing MORE now to stop this while still fuming that BIG government is sucking the very lifeblood out of us.

It is you and me. My neighbors and yours. It is our way of life. The way we ask forgiveness rather than seek permission. It is the assumption that we (humans) are able to DO and UNDO as we choose. We laugh at the challenges but continue to build. We momentarily think about ecosystems, but prostrate ourselves for the all mighty dollar.

Think about this the next time you get ready to zip on over to Walmart for another ____________. What is the real impact of your purchase on this planet; on your neighborhood; on someone's livelihood?

Summer Solstice

Get the Point, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

It is an important day in the year. It is the turning point. The day in which all days following it are shorter than it. Light is essential. Our lives depend on light for food production, for work, for everything that we do. Yesterday might have been the longest day of my life. The demands are unrealistic. Estate matters, personal family matters. Work is more than i can stomach at this time. I am at the point of emotional exhaustion. Everybody always wants something, but not willing to exchange. Just to take. Time, money, hope, dreams.

I have become my own nightmare. Frazzled, without sufficient energy to do what I want. Giving because I always feel as if I have received more; thus I should be willing to give to those less fortunate than I have been. Seems today that there are considerable many who are willing to take and take and take. Enlightenment has become entitlement.

No more. I need my calm self back. Today is the turning point.

Yellow

Yellow, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I love the quiet of weekend mornings. No rushing from here to there; no need to stuff my face or swill the coffee. I am sitting here simply listening to the sounds of my house. Hum of the refrigerator; the buzz of a window fan; the sounds of a gentle summer breeze that is actually more visually evident than aurally. I am grateful that I can have these peaceful moments before the rush of getting to places takes over. Happy Fathers' Day, one and all.

Unchain My Heart

My nearly 16-year-old daughter has made up her mind that she is capable of making all of her life decisions. She wants to go to Lincoln, NE for the summer. She wants to spend all of the summer there. Cold and heartless. She wants to go and stay with her foster mom...as long as we take care of all her medical, dental, financial, therapeutic and social needs from here.

Location, Location, Location

Location, Location, Location, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

We live in a different world today. We replace; we don't repair. We upgrade just because we can afford to do. We eat out rather than eat together. We are keeping up with the Palins and the Bachmanns. We listen to those people who espouse our ideals rather than keeping an open mind. We laugh (sometimes under our breath) at those who are different than we are.

We seek the new; the novel rather than tried and true. We always think of ourselves first and the others later (if at all). Kindness is something we are the recipients of, yet seldom the givers of. What is wrong with us?

I wish I had the answer.

Memorials

For at least a couple of weeks now I have been contemplating the holiday weekend. A photo shoot; time to simply sit and relax for a bit. The work week mornings have been incredible. I get up early enough to hear the birds twitter. The days have been great weather-wise. Today is Saturday, May 29, 2010. BP may have finally stopped the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Minneapolis is on a record-setting pace for murders. Gary Coleman died. Earlier this month Lena Horne died. I am getting old.

But the reason I am writing today is simple. There are so many people that have greater expectations for others than they do for themselves. President Obama is allegedly foregoing the DC Memorial Day tribute to be on vacation (near family and friends in Illinois). Rumor is that President Obama will be at a Memorial Day celebration near where he is vacationing. That simply is not good enough for many. Additionally, this man is under so much pressure to cap the oil spill in the Gulf; resolve the financial/employment problems here in the US and just getting something done.

It's BP's oil spill, but now the people are ranting that the government should step in and address the problem. We want small government with minimal interference but we also want the government to be by our side when tragedy happens. We can't have it both ways. Why can't we elect leaders instead of politicians; trust the leaders we elected and go on about our daily lives? Why can't we let the press keep us informed as to how the politicians are doing and enjoy the fruits of our productivity?

May I?

Mother, May I?, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

They all start out cute, cuddly, compliant. They grow up and become their own person. Sometimes we are pleased with the results. Sometimes we are not happy. Each child is her/his own person. At some point each has the unique right to destroy/build according to his/her own design a life. Our job as parents is to give them the tools to do this and hope for the best. That is the true test. Ask yourself, have you given the child the tools that you think will be needed to make good choices? Have you been as attentive as you could be? At some point they may no longer ask permission.

Crossing Over

Crossing Over, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I am at the crossroads of many things in my life. My daughter is growing up and growing away. I think too fast; she thinks I am dull and overcautious. I think she is unrealistic about her skills and abilities. Ultimately the decision will be hers. She is too big to do much with these days. Reasoning is what I have as my tool right now. We see things differently. She sees unlimited opportunity and I see possibilities but those possibilities have challenges associated with them. The baggage she carries worries me.

My challenge then is to let go and see what kind of help I need to be prepared to offer, if any at all.

My days are filled with distress and despair. The families are hurting. Few services are available to them and they squirm and fall deeper into an abyss of dysfunction and isolation. Poverty sucks.

But today I am sitting at the MSP airport waiting for a flight to ATL to visit with my mother. Hopefully this will be a good trip. She is stronger than she has been for some time now. The potassium that was sucking the energy out of her has been eliminated from her meds and her diet. Adelante.

Say What

My work consumes a ton of energy. My work is about kids and families. Sometimes we are successful with changing the relationships and sometimes not. I picked up my own child today. We were talking (a semi-serious conversation) about something she wants to do. Chirp goes her phone. She is busy texting her friends back. I just shut down. We talked last week about how she does not feel like I pay attention to her. She told her therapist she wants to work on our relationship but she is not willing to do anything at all. I have to make all the advances. I have to make all the changes. I have to give when there is an impasse. I have to do what she wants to do, lest she run again.

She lied about Mothers's Day. She lied about getting her mid-quarter grades. She seems to have trouble accepting what others may think of as true. She doesn't want to protect my feelings. She seems to want to protect her own. Say what!?

...I hate you.

those three words...are uttered in total frustration from a teen daughter who thinks her cell phone is her birthright. For me it just signifies the ongoing objectification of relationships. My frustration stems from the "expectation" that she turn it off at 9:00 p.m. weekdays and 11:00 or so on weekends. But the data shows that she has 1) texted all night with friends (then was too tired for school) 2) talked all night with friends 3) texted during school hours 4) goodness knows what else since I can't as easily track her web use.

Shrieks the daughter...I am almost 16 and I pay for my phone. Must be a debt paid in expletives and piles of laundry on the floor of her bedroom or unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink.

Part of me relishes the idea that my punishment will be that she will "hole up" in her bedroom trading tragic stories with her teenaged girlfriends. Part of me longs for the simpler days when homes had but one phone and maybe a long cord for "privacy" and text was something seen in a newspaper, magazine article or a book.

But I am half-way through the tough times with this one if she keeps her promise to vacate the premises on her 18th birthday. But I have a son who will just be entering those volatile and vitriolic years as well. Time will tell. Time will tell.

Interest

Rayas, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Usu·ry
Pronunciation: \ˈyü-zhə-rē, ˈyüzh-rē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural usu·ries
Etymology: Middle English usurie, from Anglo-French, from Medieval Latin usuria, alteration of Latin usura, from usus, past participle of uti to use
Date: 14th century
1 archaic : interest
2 : the lending of money with an interest charge for its use; especially : the lending of money at exorbitant interest rates
3 : an unconscionable or exorbitant rate or amount of interest; specifically : interest in excess of a legal rate charged to a borrower for the use of money

We have come a long way here in the USA. Bankers and financial institutions feel that they are above the law. When did it become conscionable to charge users outrageous amounts of interest and pay executives outlandishly exorbitant amounts of money, but pay the stakeholders (savings, CDs, etc) such a pittance? When did we lose our interest in fairness? When did it become acceptable to be a robber baron again? Some say it never changed. I wonder how much longer the great institutions will practice usury? How much money will they spend on fighting financial reform? How will they find a way to tighten the screws on Joe the Plumber now? Joe, will of course, blame liberals, who he thinks are stealing his hard earned money. Hopefully, Joe will wake up in time to hear that instead of loaning small business men (like him) funds to operate, they choose to hide the money in sleazy "investments" like derivatives and hedge funds and losing portfolios, while counter investing in something else. Both ends against the middle.

More importantly, when is middle-America going to awaken from the trance and take back what Wall Street has taken from them? When will Mom and Pop and Sis and Bro get a fair interest rate on the savings? When will they have credit cards that they can actually use in emergencies?

Rayas

Rayas, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Living by the code of silence. Wiped out by life, work, executor responsibilities. I can't sleep, my appetite is down. My head won't stop spinning and I am feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully the siblings will respond and I can move along with the monster list of tasks.