Manhood

i taught that rambunctious group of four and five year olds in Sunday School today. there were 42 of them...many of the boys were like swirling dervishes. knowing that boys do have a different kind of energy still does not mean we should allow them to run wild. but i do not know what we can do to contain and channel that enormous energy into healthy outlets. i usually have to take a nap when i finish my two hour stint. today was different. i was tired but also emotionally distraught. i stopped at Caribou and bought myself a medium chai latte. i took the long way home and found myself letting go of some of the grief that has been bottled up inside. grief about the changing family. my sister will have thoroughly alientaed herself from the rest of the family. my mother will truly never again be the sage and wily old woman i thought she would always be. i thought that there would be a chance for a miracle and a recovery. that recovery is likely not to happen as long as she is denied her freedom and she remains locked up inside the house there in GA. while i listened to the CD in my car tears began to drizzle down my face. no pretending is going to change that. there is a lot of emotion waiting for the right time to surface. keeping my nose to the grindstone...and putting one foot infront of the other. tomorrow will be a better day. tomorrow will be a better day. maybe.