Trough

I am in the midst of a creative trough. Bogged down with the banalities of life right now - work, family, money issues, etc. Feels like every way I turn, there is someone making a new demand or request for my time. I do not mind sharing my limited time, but I am feeling exhausted. I have not raised a camera to my eye for many a day. Too tired to write at all as well. But tonight I will be shooting portraits for a church event. I have to be positive and upbeat. I have to be ready to sell myself as well as the product. I think it is the selling part that gets to me.

I also want some emotional support. From my wife or somebody. Really in the grand scheme of this all, I am looking back and thinking I have it pretty good. Being tired at my age is OK. My energies are being diverted in so many directions. I am practicing grace right now. Being OK with where I am and allowing myself the indulgence of not being pollyannaish. More later.

No photo today

No photo today. It has been quite some time since I picked up the camera with the intention to shoot something. I still carry one with me, but the muse has been on hiatus for a few weeks. Ironically, it was the same time the prose muse left me. Guess that left me in a creative rut. Momentum though can be a wonderful thing. I simply love the sound of the keyboard clicking away when I write.

Today I saw three clients. Client number one triggered something inisde of me. Intelligent and confused about her place in the world. We had a wonderful tangential dialogue about what is and what is not important. I hope she comes back.

Client number two arrived late and disrupted my reverie...we had a truly abstract but spiritual conversation. Never underestimate the power of your client to challenge your ideas about how things work. He was a blessing in disguise.

Client number three is a regular. His father recently died and he had to go to the old country to bury him. Unfortunately for him, the very things that drove him out of the homeland are still very much alive and breathing fire. Families are the best and the worst for all of us.

Paint your own picture today. On the many spectrums that we have Truth <------> Not Truth
Love <-----------> Hate

We can all make better choices. I think that is my lesson for today. Choose Wisely

Rentals on Clearance?

Rentals on Clearance?
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

everywhere i have looked in the past couple of days, i have seen the homeless. who are they? how did they reach this point that they have to stand by freeway ramps and stoicly look proud while asking for help?

Tickling Some Ivories

Keyboarding, originally uploaded by unohuu.

Tickling the ivories is an expression that I have grown to really like. It has that kind of onamatapeia sensation. I can actually hear the tinkling of a piano as I allow the weight of the expression to sink in for me.

I could use a good laugh. My awful job has taken on awfulness in monstruous proportions. It has been a tough week, with a TLC completed and a predatory sex offender removed from the streets (even if only temporarily) and more detente right here in my own home.

I am tired from a week of negotiations with every one. I did this wrong and I failed to respond to someone's emergency right away. I must be at least 1/2 ass incompetent as those around me would purport. I am a failure. Like this photo. I am leaning in the wrong direction. Sample it for me.

We could all use a great simile right now, right?

Guatemalan Church

Guatemalan Church
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

this is what i need. i spent a glorious afternoon here the day i arrived in La Antigua. I was delivering a Christmas package to a friend/co-worker's friend there. this plaza had everything. a little farmer's market. people playing, sitting chatting. as i recall an old man came up to me and we had an interesting little discussion. i thought it might have been the color of my skin. it could have been that he did not recognize me in his little corner of the world. there are so many different ways of looking at a situation. this old church towered over everything in the village. i looked up to gain some perspective and was amazed at how beautiful the sky was that afternoon. once in a while we get to see these kinds of visions more than once. i want to go back...it was simple and easy there.

Mugsy

Blue C
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

Kids have pets...those pets sometimes die. we have had hamsters, guinea pigs, fish, hermit crabs, dogs, cats, and a snake. We have experienced their deaths from age or illness or infirmity. Today, I went to feed my son's bird, Mugsy. Mugsy had squeezed his head through the bars of his cage and had gotten stuck. Mugsy had become an escape artist. He was out when I came in from work. No problem. I put on my leather work gloves (Mugsy would bite if given the chance [maybe this could have been a clue for us] and dutifully caught him and put him back into his cage. Not good enough for Mugsy, I guess. Bird suicide. Perhaps not intentional, but really got me thinking.

We keep animals against their will. Yes, our domesticated pets love us in return. This parakeet was not happy with us; did not enjoy our company and wanted to be free. Maybe Mugsy wanted a different family. We will not know now.

My son is on vacation with his mother. I will not tell him until he comes back here on Saturday. That little bird gives me a sense of great loss. Mugsy, I am sorry.

Blue C

Blue C
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

accidental tourist. free associations within the daily grind. harry connick, jr. is singing to me right now as i type. i was listening to sonya kitchell, kt tunstall, huey lewis and the news before this. my wife took the dog for a walk after she made salmon for dinner. she did not have time to eat because she triple booked herself again. come by me, baby. come talk to me, baby!

have new cards for photo business. cool looking...eventually i hope to have them available as an online card too. Vista Prints free card offer. now their foot is in my door. hope i don't have trouble getting rid of them. maybe glossy next go round. free 250 cards for the cost of s/h.

photo assignment ... accidentally found letters. this was an image i made with the big F4s. i developed the film myself ... that was fun. each camera seems to draw me to a different kind of subject. sad little serenade. i do not know how i came to like harry connick, jr. probably one of the women in my life. brash and cool in his own way. some verve like Sinatra, but still cool like the Miles Davis or Ornette Coleman. anyway he is fun to listen to and he has a wonderful band backing him.

sipping green tea with peach white cranberry juice. it gives it a nice herbal-like taste. should market it. too many irons in the fire already. business is booming. there is a lot of behind-the-scenes work that goes along with a PT business. seems like this is a good time to look for a laptop. tired tonight.

oh, all else is well.

New camera

SP w/Nikon
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

I guess apart from some simple accessories now, the change from Minolta/KonicaMinolta is complete. Here I am with my F4 in my hands and being shot vby the D70s. It will be a good time before I am comfortable with this camera.

Shoo Doop Shooby Do!

i have another court hearing tomorrow. i can't sleep. so i am up late on another day when i have already put in lots of hours. this client is mentally ill; she does not recognize that. it is not just not my opinion. she saw a psychologists who thinks she should go meet with a psychiatrist and hear what they want to prescribe for medications for her. she is also developmentally disabled, although this may be the first time she has heard this. no groups, no therapy, just some medication. maybe she will stop beating on her son. maybe she will be able to live outside of the little solipsism society that she lives in. i doubt it.

so i listen to music and read and surf the 'net when i can't sleep. better than lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. obviously i am bloggin' and i am listening to Buena Vista Social Club and Boyz II Men. ethnic music...barbershop tunes and a little Spanish melodic music.

Cheek Bones

Dazed
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

as i sit here quietly in the morning the house begins to awaken. i hear the a/c kick in. will it be a hot day today? i am listening to the constant gurgle of the aereator in the toad's tank and the water bubbling through the filter in the fish tank. the computer carries it's own low drone and right now i hear a plane outside the window. my wife moans and inwardly complains of her aches and pains. she makes sure that i hear her. i should offer a peaceful compassionate something in her direction - i am not sure what it should be.

so what does this have to do with cheek bones. everything and nothing. S was so patient with all the makeup artists that morning. it gave me pause to think about what people go through for society and for acceptance. i am not sure that many men would subject themselves to such torture. the end result might justify the process of getting there.

competition and wonder.
splendor and grace.
triumphantly we watch
as the soldiers all take their place

grace and pressure under fire
they say. do we really know any
other way? we fight, we love, we struggle
it's true. who am i
and who are you? simple reflections
of what they want us to be!

smart, reliable, simple and free.

4 Things

something interesting that i will share with you all. the world really is connected by X degrees of separation. some of us are closer to 6 degrees than others. some perhaps much closer and some not so close.

here is an entry by my ex
http://kitchenlogic.diaryland.com/

i think it is a good idea.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
probation officer
divorce mediator
child protection social worker
bicycle delivery for pharmacist

Four movies I would watch over and over :
Shawshank Redemption
Red
Back to the Future
Chocolat

Four places you have lived:
Memphis, TN
Mankato, MN
Evanston, IL
Minneapolis, MN

Four TV shows you love to watch:
Stargate SG-1
Stargate - Atlantis
ER
Any CSI show

Four places you have been on vacation:
Greece
Gautemala
Spain
Bahamas

Four of my favorite foods:
Grilled Salmon
Greek Salad
Chicken Salad
Cheesecake

Four songs that remind me of summer
Little Deuce Coup (Beach Boys)
17 (Janis Ian)
Summer (George Winston)
You've Got a Friend (Carole King)

Four places I would rather be right now:
New Mexico
Iceland
Greece
Ghana

Four readers of this journal who should do their own meme:
I am not sure I have any readers.

Reflections on Summer

purpleness
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

we are moving into the later stage of summer. sounds of cicadas outside in the evening with their incredible song. the light is beautiful at the end of my work day and the sunrises are more achievable for me. this is a good time in life. festivals and interestings hues and beautiful light. i can't really say it enough. this part of the summer is when the earth begins to parch a bit. we survived because i was too busy to cut grass. we survived because the grass was long enough not to get sunburned. what a mess it was though when i cut. first i cut; let it dry for day and then i raked and raked and raked. most of the clippings ended up in the compost bin.

summer is a burst of energy. we race about doing this and that. trying to squeeze more activities into a day than there are hours. we wince and moan about opportunities we missed; sometimes so much that we miss the opportunity that is present. ever stop to watch a butterfly or a grasshopper? i do. ever rush to get to the lake when there is plenty of wildlife right in your own backyard or basement? i know i do. what if we took the time to become more "familiar" with what is already familiar to us? watch another "old movie" instead of rushing off to the new release. when was the last time you really watched Casablanca?

We're Done

To End
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

Bride and Matron of Honor from shoot at Macy's on Friday. I met them at the hair salon and we shot away while the bride got her hair done...she was actually quite chatty while she sat under the dryer. I learned quite a bit about her. I find that as the photographer gets to know the subject the photos present themselves. She is a co-worker so we already had a good start. she wanted to know if we were going to pose or have more candids. i told her that i would prefer to just shoot. it worked. this is the final result of one part of the shoot. nice wedding, too!

Cousin II

Cousin II
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

this little man is determined - he loves watching the older boys playing on the field. this was one of those moments when he was "caught" sitting still with his aunt. i recently saw him again at his cousin's park birthday party. determined to swim with the older boys. i hope he keeps this indomitable spirit and his parents offer both encouragement and realistic expectations.

After the Rain (saturated)

After the Rain (saturated)
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

It rained here tonight. It rained all day. My soul was flooded with the rain of tears from my job. Great sadness today as I compromised the life and livelihood of another child. Temptation remains great to "make a deal" so that the case goes away. That was not our issue today. We had a trial. We could have proceeded, but we might have lost as the judge is the sole arbiter of the facts. This particular judge is quite well known for his compassion for the parents.

It is actually raining again. Mother Nature is making up for lost time. Like she was caught and entrapped - unable to assume her charge for replenishing this earth. She seeks balance now. Can we make the sacrifices that are required? Pray that we can!

Perspective

Perspective
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

it all depends on your perspective. Lebanon and Israel. I have heard the arguments and agree that both sides have some valid concerns. When do we stop killing the innocent? Blood has spilled on both sides. This is worse than the Hatfields and the McCoys.

New Order

New Order
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

So many of us see the world in terms of simple Black and White; Yes or No; Right or WrongThese kind of polemical discussions serve little purpose in achieving harmony. We allow our differences to define us. It really is not necessary. Here is one definition of Polemics: Function: noun
Etymology: French polémique, from Middle French, from polemique controversial, from Greek polemikos warlike, hostile, from polemos war; perhaps akin to Greek pelemizein to shake, Old English ealfelo baleful
Date: 1638 1 a : an aggressive attack on or refutation of the opinions or principles of another b : the art or practice of disputation or controversy -- usually used in plural but sing. or plural in constr.
2 : an aggressive controversialist

The world as we know it won't survive another World War. There are too many disputants now. Christian vs Muslim vs Jew vs Rich vs Poor vs Western vs Eastern or Third World (where is the 2nd World?) vs ________________. What about our common humanity? Why can't we remove our masks and allow each other to see our common humanity?

I have more in common with those most unlike me than I would care to admit. Physically we are created so similarly. I choose to shed the false masks that I have worn. I will be neither Democrat nor Republican; I will embrace my humanit as well as yours. I will accept that your experiences are uniquely personal and while different than mine are no less valid. I will see you for who you are, not who I want you to be in my reality. I will leave my solipsism long enough to taste another bite of this great grape vine of our lives.

Trial Coverage

i spent the entire day in court, except lunch with my co-worker. i was first on the stand. both Mom and Dad are sitting in the courtroom. i am looking them both square in the face when i state with no equanamity that it is in their children's best interests that their parental rights be terminated. i am already overcome by sadness. it almost feels as if i have failed. there must have been something that i could have done that would have convinced this mother that drinking would only lead to her ruin. that the slippery sloppy slope of sloe gin and O'Douls would eventually mean that someone else was going to have to parent her children. but i was done testifying much more quickly than i ever have. the public defender barely had any questions of me. no, i have not seen his client intoxicated. no, i have no evidence that the beer she had would lead to a relapse.

Dad is recalled to the stand. he is discredited by 1) a review of his criminal history, which includes multiple assaults on mom, eventually resulting in a prison conviction; 2) the flawed testimony in which he recounts that he has not been given information about his case plan, although he signed the plan and acknowledged receipt of that plan almost one year ago. he is given one final opportunity to recant the statement that he shared with me and the FP about mom's drinking. he is reminded that perjury is a felony, that could result in the revocation of his parole (remember the domestic abuse prison conviction). he pauses much too long while he ponders the consequences for himself. he swears that he never shared that information with me. but it is too late. all the professionals, including the judge, have already noted the pregnant poignant moment.

we are not yet quite done. more in August.

Value of Family

If there is anyone out there who reads this, today is a special day. See my first published photoessay here UtataSpeaks. This project means so much to me. Family has become a truly meaningful part of my existence. I work with families. I see the despair and destruction of families. I pray for the healing of families.

Annoyed

Annoyed
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

Strange things happened today. One of my clients lied. He bald-faced got on the sworn-in-witness chair and lied. I was flummoxed. He got caught in that lie. It was painful to watch this convicted domestic abuse just out of prison felon squirm as he realized he had been caught.

I called a client simply to speak with her today. She answered the phone and proceeded to tell me she was indisposed. She was not that delicate but I got the message. I asked if she wanted to talk then and she sounded surprised. I had already told her that her condition was more than I needed to know. She agreed to call me back.

I called another client late in the day. The person who answered the phone heard my voice and hung up. I dialed a second time and this person hung up again. The third time I called I decided to state my business purpose for calling the telephone number. The response was [urban vernacular] "She on the ho stroll makin' me my money". I had to think about this. I asked what he (I now know it was a male voice) said and he had already hung up. I sat there stunned for a monent trying to deciper what he had said. Hopefully, I got it. "She is on the Whore Stroll (Prostituting herself) making me my money [earning a regular beating when she comes in for not really allowing herself to be abused] [meta-message {I am her pimp} square boy] and don't call here anymore.

How was your day today?