Waiting

Waiting, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I really love to watch people waiting. We wait in line. We wait for others. We wait to do things. I wonder what goes on in the mind of the waiter. I was waiting for someone at the train station, watching others waiting for someone also. This one just captured me.

Pink and Green

Pink and Green, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

If wisdom and diamonds grew on the same tree we could soon tell how much men loved wisdom. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays, 1911

More Is Not Always Better

Every day I go to work. Every day I touch lives. Every day I make a difference.

I can't always be sure that this is the day that will change all this.

I do know that I can choose to give my all or simply do a half-baked job.

Do what you can with what you have.

Don't worry about some or all if you have already done your best.

Most often we will have another chance to excel.

Beatrice Meets Joe Jones

I spent part of the day reading Anne Lamott's Joe Jones. An artful and happy look into the lives of people's lives intersecting at a cafe. Part of the smile on my mother's face may have been the story itself, but I think she found real joy in hearing a voice she knows speaking to her. It was not the TV, or the radio. It was a voice that her mind knows. A voice she can resonate with through the fog of her age and illness. It is a voice that she has heard change. It is the voice of love.

Turn off the TV and open a book. Read for yourself, read to your children (or somebody's children) and read to your parents. Opening a book can open your mind. Opening a book can take you to new places. Opening a book can ease your pain, give you laughter and joy. Opening a book can enable you to experience life through the eyes of another.

Atlanta

I am visiting with my mother in Atlanta for a few days. I was here last year about the same time and my sister took me for Chinese food to a fantastic restaurant. I can't remember what I had last year for the main course, but I do recall having the Garlic Shrimp Rolls for an appetizer. The staff seem to know their clientele and greet them by name. The service is impeccable with a wonderful bar or table seating arrangement. The lighting is soft and conducive to conversation and the noise level is quite reasonable.

I ate the Curry Chicken last night. The vegetables were crisp, the spices fresh and not overwhelming. The chicken was excellent quality and the presentation wonderful. I highly recommend stopping by for a pleasant dining experience.

Frost

Frost, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I live in a world that is a total paradox. I want my children to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. They have access to information on the internet and through their smart phones. They have opportunities that I could only dream of. That is my reality.

Their reality is completely different. I do not understand it in the least. My daughter who is now 16 and counting does not work, will not lift a hand around the house for anyone other than herself. She refuses to engage in discussion or conversation UNLESS she wants something. She wants a ride to the credit union to get holiday shopping money (I put the allowance directly into savings for both kids). I told her she would have to find something to do for at least a couple of hours so I can work some today. Her response, total disgust and surprise. "What am I going to do?" My response, "Maybe you could get your shopping done, as you will be in DT Minneapolis!" She walked away.

When they ask a simple dictionary or reference question, I refer them to the appropriate "app" on the smart phones they both use. If they want to discuss something I am happy to offer an opinion...but my job is not to give answers. I think my job is to 1) provide them with access to the information (our house is completely wireless and both have their own laptops) and, 2) help them think through where, how and why the answer might be what they found.

But I guess I am alone in this. Creative thought and desire for knowledge appear to have fled the scene. Hope we can track it down.

Togetherness

We try to be nice to each other. We act as if there really is a relationship with my teenaged daughter, but we can't really communicate with each other. We have different agendas. My agenda involves preparing her to leave our house, with all the skills and resources she needs to be successful. Try as I might, I am not able to persuade her that getting a job and getting her life "organized" is a good start. I know that today I will get a frantic phone call from her, asking me to deviate from my schedule in order to accomodate her. I give her the tools she needs, and she chooses not to use them. I give and she takes. I suggest and she ignores. I plead and she cries harrassment. I ask and I am put on hold. Everything is more important than the relationship that I have groomed over the years. She threatens to leave and I challenge her to hit the bricks. It is not what I want, but the anger and frustration boils over inside and I let out the hurt.

Thanks

Thanksgiving. A time to stop and give thanks for ...Black Friday, Cyber Monday, football. I am sure that is why people traveled hundreds and thousands of miles. To stand in line to get more of what we do not need. To have a chance to be seen. To catch a cold. To make new friends. To ogle. Cease fires are like this. The Democrats and Republicans continue to snark at each other. The president gets a bloody nose playing a bit of basketball on holiday and it becomes fodder for the feud. Former first lady speaks out with her opinion and the infighting ensues. Left vs right. Polemic politics. It will be the demise of our civilization. Did this happen in Greece, China, Mesopotamia, Egypt? Did the constant bickering just end the process of growth and progress?

I have a neighbor that is doing good. That will not get national attention, because it will not sell. I have friends that have created non-profits to assist those less able, and they will get nothing heard or said about them. I work with hard-working yet poor people everyday. They get up, go to work and pay their bills. They have not benefited from bailout money or mortgage reform. They buy groceries and coffee and keep the engine of this society moving.

It is to them that I offer my thanks. May each and everyone of us stop; take a moment and simply thank our neighbor, our police, our mayor, our Main Street business owners.

Opacity

Opacity, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

What's wrong with lettting or telling our kids to take the bus. We change our schedules to accomodate their daily needs. We provide them with bikes and scooters that sit in garages. We drive them to the corner store, the mall, the game stores (while we hear that we are all overweight). We hear them plan and scheme with their friends, well knowing that those plans are ersatz plans to provide cover for the genuine plans.

We lament that they will not find jobs, while laundry piles up, walks remain unshoveled, dishes overflow in the sink. Dust bunnies float around our sofas, and the TV screens they so love are tuned to channels and presentations we wish they would not watch. Tell them to take the bus. Take the bus to the museum; to the library; to a convalescent center. Take the bus to window shop at a gallery. Take the bus to the free music at the conservatory or the university in your area. Take the bus to the arboretum and learn about botany or landscape design. Take the bus to the river front or lake shore and contemplate life. Skip stones. Feed the birds bread crumbs.

Take the bus to see the city. Take the bus to a farm. Take the bus and learn something new!

Tufts

Winter Sweater, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I make a lot of photos. I like to see the world through the back of a camera. A bit of microcosmic view of the big world that I see everyday. Some people like big sweeping landscapes. I like the details of the landscape. That tuft of snow on the tree branch. I like the earring on the headshot portrait. I like the eyelashes in a shot.

I also get asked to look at many photos. It is a tough job, not because the photos are not technically or artistically good. It is tough because everyone has a different interpretation of what he or she finds pleasing. Ask yourself what you like in your photography. Details, color, composition, subject matter. Find a way to emphasize that in your photos.

Faded Red Dodge

Faded Red Dodge, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sometimes when life is stressful you have to make small changes, not massive ones. I stopped and took a few frames of this truck yesterday, even though I knew I had a stack of important work on my desk. I like the color and the shapes. Did it help? Maybe. I did have just a couple of minutes of joy in the midst of all the negative attack ads, the constant bickering about who is right about the economy, and lamenting about the proposed health care reform.

Focus on what is right in the world, even if just for a few minutes. I can tell you that it can alter your perspective. We have more in common that we dare believe. Practice loving yourself, and maybe loving your "neighbor" will be easier.

Contemplation

Contemplation, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

If one might contemplate all that parenthood can mean, it might reduce the chance of over population. People will surprise you. Not that anyone can predict what will happen. Life is a risk...daily.

Spotted Lilly

Spotted Lilly, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

there is beauty all around us
if we simply open our eyes
our hearts and our minds

take time to stop and watch the clouds
in the sky and reflections in the water.

enjoy the honest and simple smile
of the tow-headed snaggle-toothed child

listen to the sounds of crickets and buzzing
bees, fluttering butterflies dashing darts.

flowers dancing back and forth in the gentle
summer breeze.

there is beauty everywhere. if we just slow
down for a simple minute. We can choose.

Blame Game

abstract, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

We are all sitting, waiting, watching to see when President Obama and/or British Petroleum are able to stop the gush (it is not a leak, people) of oil into the gulf. We are looking to blame someone, as always here. We are not solution-focused, but blame-seeking. Assigning blame makes it easier for us to litigate later.

We are all to blame. Living in excessively large homes, driving out multitude of cars. We wait for the oil companies to make us want to change. They do that by raising oil barrel prices and we whine and complain about how much of our limited and shrinking budgets go for petroleum products and the by products of said petroleum.

We choose synthetic materials over natural ones.

We choose SUVs and large horsepower autos over fuel efficient means of transportation. We choose our political leaders in such a way as to reinforce our need for speed, greed, and lucre.

We look at the devastation of small economies and we pitch in to help mega-corporations with their pittances set aside to put an end to WHAT.

We sit at home in front of our big screen and LCD or plasma entertainment centers and watch how it is THERE. W e complain that the BIG government should be doing MORE now to stop this while still fuming that BIG government is sucking the very lifeblood out of us.

It is you and me. My neighbors and yours. It is our way of life. The way we ask forgiveness rather than seek permission. It is the assumption that we (humans) are able to DO and UNDO as we choose. We laugh at the challenges but continue to build. We momentarily think about ecosystems, but prostrate ourselves for the all mighty dollar.

Think about this the next time you get ready to zip on over to Walmart for another ____________. What is the real impact of your purchase on this planet; on your neighborhood; on someone's livelihood?

Summer Solstice

Get the Point, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

It is an important day in the year. It is the turning point. The day in which all days following it are shorter than it. Light is essential. Our lives depend on light for food production, for work, for everything that we do. Yesterday might have been the longest day of my life. The demands are unrealistic. Estate matters, personal family matters. Work is more than i can stomach at this time. I am at the point of emotional exhaustion. Everybody always wants something, but not willing to exchange. Just to take. Time, money, hope, dreams.

I have become my own nightmare. Frazzled, without sufficient energy to do what I want. Giving because I always feel as if I have received more; thus I should be willing to give to those less fortunate than I have been. Seems today that there are considerable many who are willing to take and take and take. Enlightenment has become entitlement.

No more. I need my calm self back. Today is the turning point.

Yellow

Yellow, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I love the quiet of weekend mornings. No rushing from here to there; no need to stuff my face or swill the coffee. I am sitting here simply listening to the sounds of my house. Hum of the refrigerator; the buzz of a window fan; the sounds of a gentle summer breeze that is actually more visually evident than aurally. I am grateful that I can have these peaceful moments before the rush of getting to places takes over. Happy Fathers' Day, one and all.

Unchain My Heart

My nearly 16-year-old daughter has made up her mind that she is capable of making all of her life decisions. She wants to go to Lincoln, NE for the summer. She wants to spend all of the summer there. Cold and heartless. She wants to go and stay with her foster mom...as long as we take care of all her medical, dental, financial, therapeutic and social needs from here.

Location, Location, Location

Location, Location, Location, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

We live in a different world today. We replace; we don't repair. We upgrade just because we can afford to do. We eat out rather than eat together. We are keeping up with the Palins and the Bachmanns. We listen to those people who espouse our ideals rather than keeping an open mind. We laugh (sometimes under our breath) at those who are different than we are.

We seek the new; the novel rather than tried and true. We always think of ourselves first and the others later (if at all). Kindness is something we are the recipients of, yet seldom the givers of. What is wrong with us?

I wish I had the answer.

Memorials

For at least a couple of weeks now I have been contemplating the holiday weekend. A photo shoot; time to simply sit and relax for a bit. The work week mornings have been incredible. I get up early enough to hear the birds twitter. The days have been great weather-wise. Today is Saturday, May 29, 2010. BP may have finally stopped the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Minneapolis is on a record-setting pace for murders. Gary Coleman died. Earlier this month Lena Horne died. I am getting old.

But the reason I am writing today is simple. There are so many people that have greater expectations for others than they do for themselves. President Obama is allegedly foregoing the DC Memorial Day tribute to be on vacation (near family and friends in Illinois). Rumor is that President Obama will be at a Memorial Day celebration near where he is vacationing. That simply is not good enough for many. Additionally, this man is under so much pressure to cap the oil spill in the Gulf; resolve the financial/employment problems here in the US and just getting something done.

It's BP's oil spill, but now the people are ranting that the government should step in and address the problem. We want small government with minimal interference but we also want the government to be by our side when tragedy happens. We can't have it both ways. Why can't we elect leaders instead of politicians; trust the leaders we elected and go on about our daily lives? Why can't we let the press keep us informed as to how the politicians are doing and enjoy the fruits of our productivity?

May I?

Mother, May I?, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

They all start out cute, cuddly, compliant. They grow up and become their own person. Sometimes we are pleased with the results. Sometimes we are not happy. Each child is her/his own person. At some point each has the unique right to destroy/build according to his/her own design a life. Our job as parents is to give them the tools to do this and hope for the best. That is the true test. Ask yourself, have you given the child the tools that you think will be needed to make good choices? Have you been as attentive as you could be? At some point they may no longer ask permission.

Crossing Over

Crossing Over, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I am at the crossroads of many things in my life. My daughter is growing up and growing away. I think too fast; she thinks I am dull and overcautious. I think she is unrealistic about her skills and abilities. Ultimately the decision will be hers. She is too big to do much with these days. Reasoning is what I have as my tool right now. We see things differently. She sees unlimited opportunity and I see possibilities but those possibilities have challenges associated with them. The baggage she carries worries me.

My challenge then is to let go and see what kind of help I need to be prepared to offer, if any at all.

My days are filled with distress and despair. The families are hurting. Few services are available to them and they squirm and fall deeper into an abyss of dysfunction and isolation. Poverty sucks.

But today I am sitting at the MSP airport waiting for a flight to ATL to visit with my mother. Hopefully this will be a good trip. She is stronger than she has been for some time now. The potassium that was sucking the energy out of her has been eliminated from her meds and her diet. Adelante.

Say What

My work consumes a ton of energy. My work is about kids and families. Sometimes we are successful with changing the relationships and sometimes not. I picked up my own child today. We were talking (a semi-serious conversation) about something she wants to do. Chirp goes her phone. She is busy texting her friends back. I just shut down. We talked last week about how she does not feel like I pay attention to her. She told her therapist she wants to work on our relationship but she is not willing to do anything at all. I have to make all the advances. I have to make all the changes. I have to give when there is an impasse. I have to do what she wants to do, lest she run again.

She lied about Mothers's Day. She lied about getting her mid-quarter grades. She seems to have trouble accepting what others may think of as true. She doesn't want to protect my feelings. She seems to want to protect her own. Say what!?

...I hate you.

those three words...are uttered in total frustration from a teen daughter who thinks her cell phone is her birthright. For me it just signifies the ongoing objectification of relationships. My frustration stems from the "expectation" that she turn it off at 9:00 p.m. weekdays and 11:00 or so on weekends. But the data shows that she has 1) texted all night with friends (then was too tired for school) 2) talked all night with friends 3) texted during school hours 4) goodness knows what else since I can't as easily track her web use.

Shrieks the daughter...I am almost 16 and I pay for my phone. Must be a debt paid in expletives and piles of laundry on the floor of her bedroom or unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink.

Part of me relishes the idea that my punishment will be that she will "hole up" in her bedroom trading tragic stories with her teenaged girlfriends. Part of me longs for the simpler days when homes had but one phone and maybe a long cord for "privacy" and text was something seen in a newspaper, magazine article or a book.

But I am half-way through the tough times with this one if she keeps her promise to vacate the premises on her 18th birthday. But I have a son who will just be entering those volatile and vitriolic years as well. Time will tell. Time will tell.

Interest

Rayas, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Usu·ry
Pronunciation: \ˈyü-zhə-rē, ˈyüzh-rē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural usu·ries
Etymology: Middle English usurie, from Anglo-French, from Medieval Latin usuria, alteration of Latin usura, from usus, past participle of uti to use
Date: 14th century
1 archaic : interest
2 : the lending of money with an interest charge for its use; especially : the lending of money at exorbitant interest rates
3 : an unconscionable or exorbitant rate or amount of interest; specifically : interest in excess of a legal rate charged to a borrower for the use of money

We have come a long way here in the USA. Bankers and financial institutions feel that they are above the law. When did it become conscionable to charge users outrageous amounts of interest and pay executives outlandishly exorbitant amounts of money, but pay the stakeholders (savings, CDs, etc) such a pittance? When did we lose our interest in fairness? When did it become acceptable to be a robber baron again? Some say it never changed. I wonder how much longer the great institutions will practice usury? How much money will they spend on fighting financial reform? How will they find a way to tighten the screws on Joe the Plumber now? Joe, will of course, blame liberals, who he thinks are stealing his hard earned money. Hopefully, Joe will wake up in time to hear that instead of loaning small business men (like him) funds to operate, they choose to hide the money in sleazy "investments" like derivatives and hedge funds and losing portfolios, while counter investing in something else. Both ends against the middle.

More importantly, when is middle-America going to awaken from the trance and take back what Wall Street has taken from them? When will Mom and Pop and Sis and Bro get a fair interest rate on the savings? When will they have credit cards that they can actually use in emergencies?

Rayas

Rayas, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Living by the code of silence. Wiped out by life, work, executor responsibilities. I can't sleep, my appetite is down. My head won't stop spinning and I am feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully the siblings will respond and I can move along with the monster list of tasks.

Abstract

Abstract, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

People are funny.
They talk about love, but practice hate.
They moon over babies, but chase the dollar.
They say they value education, but don't hear about how schools are hurting.
They purport to value life, but have disdain for the poor and hurting.

May we all know love, happiness, kindness, a full belly.
Would that we all know connectedness, friendship and beauty at some point in each of our lives.
Pray that we live to learn and learn to live. That we see the beauty in each spirit and heart. That we heal from our wounds.

Flowers for the Living

Flowers for the Living, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
It's gonna take so long for me to get somewhere

Alicia Keys

Some people are just selfish. They want everything for themselves.
Not that they don't give to others, but only when someone is taking notice of that gift. Easy to give to your friends. Not so easy to give to those who are your enemies.

One Day

soldier, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

...your father is here, sitting in his lounge chair and the very next day he is dead. I have had time to think about all the things I have wanted to do for him or with him in the last seven days. Instead I have been working through the details of smiling and keeping my chin up, making decisions about where he will be buried and what kind of suit he must have on. I have been confronted by the angels and demons of my childhood. Strong emotions and sibling conflicts have become the dominant feature of my every day. Personality versus cooperation.

This really never makes sense until you experience it for yourself.

En Silhouette

En Silhouette, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I have thought carefully what are issues that our society faces. We have an economic crisis. We have employment problems. We have an identity crisis. We have political turmoil. We have worker unrest. We have dissatisfaction with government. We have structural failure looming at every bridge and culvert. We have become the juggernaut and we don't know which way to turn. So here are my ideas.

Big business has always served the US well. Today Toyota Japan issued STOP orders on 8 of their best selling products. Seems that there is an acceleration issue.

So in response to the liberals I say this: Go back to the good ol' boy USA. Less government and more free enterprise. Business will always prevail when the market is allowed to set price and policies. We don't need the FDA - pharma will not try to push dangerous drugs into a stable healthy market. Why people would not buy those drugs. People, like businesses always look after their self-interest. If we eliminate the FDA, then there is more tax money to be returned to the PRODUCERS.

If we don't need the FDA, we surely do not need the EPA. Why would businesses pollute the water and air that we all have to breathe? It is counter intuitive to expect the government to be able to look after the environment when big business has a giant interest in the health of our water, air and soil. No smart business man would risk tainting the water of his work force. No smart business man would put toxins into pesticides or herbicides that could weaken a strong and sturdy proletariat. We need those workers to be healthy.

Let's eliminate public education, too! The CEOs don't really need an educated worker base. As long as they can take orders and follow directions we should be able to have a bristling economy. Education should be reserved for the ruling class; the elites. Workers can sign for their checks with iris scans or something that we can count on business to develop.

Child Labor laws are superfluous, too! We can achieve full employment when the restrictions on business is eliminated. Since we will not have even slightly higher education for the masses, we might as well put those children to work for the good of all. Safer streets and playgrounds are the immediate results. Curfews and not more than 10 hours a day.

Global Warming of course is another drag on an otherwise healthy economy. Can't believe those educated and biased scientists. The real science is coming from the labs and studies of corporate scientists on the payrolls of America's greatest producers. And the USA certainly need not heed the warnings of 3rd World hacks who simply want to undermine the productivity of our emerging global dominance. Why the US is only a small part of the world population. Why should we assume responsibility for the alleged warming problems. What about China and India?

Services to the underprivileged, developmentally delayed and vulnerable populations are best handled within the confines of family. We did not contribute to the problems those families have and we should not have to assume compassionate care for them. Each home is its own private castle with one KING.

Domestic Abuse Laws/Divorce/etc.
We simply do not want to know about those social ills. Again a private matter.

See how much we can save. Those new and pending government agencies are also a waste of taxpayer funds. Bankers and loan officers are best suited for making decisions about who gets what. Usury is an old idea that has no merit in our present society. Money costs and those darn regulations drive up the costs of making money.

Cowgirl

Cowgirl, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Cowboy has so many meanings. In this sense it means "highly individualistic" not so willing to trust or count on others.

We do the best that we can as parents. We give as unconditionally as we possibly can. We make sacrifices with the hope and expectation that those sacrifices will bear the likes of Mother Theresa or JFK, a sports or political hero. We hope for the Albert Schweitzers of the world and the kinds of winners that become Poet Laureates, or Nobel Prize Winners.

Life is not so neatly packaged though. Most of us are ordinary people. We go to work day in and day out. We toil at jobs that we sometimes love but may also abhor at times. We have great days and then some not-so-great days.

Wednesday evening was one of those not-so-great days. My daughter took off for school on her bus just as she routinely does. She probably gabbed with her friends. She laughed and she probably worried about her attire. Being a girl is tougher than I could ever begin to imagine. I have told her that I was part of the pocket protector brigade at her age. A bonafide geek. She, on the other hand, is a popular girl. She dates and she goes to dances.

But Wednesday was different. She had been planning something. Something I had no clue about. She was up at 4:30 the day before conspiring with acquaintances and cohorts to do what I can only think of as unimaginable. She did not actually go to school on Wednesday. This we found out much later. She probably continued to conspire with the people she had been busy and meticulously planning with for some time.

She somehow found herself back at home. She walked in the front door, up to her bedroom and gathered some items (she had probably pre-selected these) and stomped back downstairs. Uncharacteristically, she gave her brother a hug goodbye, expressed her love for him and walked out the door to a waiting car. That was the last that any family member saw of her.

We have had contact with her since. I hacked her cell phone (she left it if you can imagine) and texted her to the person that we suspect is her accomplice in this heartbreaking story. She did not want the cell because she knows that it has GPS tracking "capability". Smart enough to know that.

We did not have a clue that she could be so very miserable. We did not have a clue that she was contemplating her grand escape from the mundane and boring world of the day-to-day drones that we so easily and quickly become.

She has made it clear that she 1) WILL not tell us where she is; and 2) has no intention of coming home.

Chew on that!

Pantages

From the Barfly, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I have listened politely to the detractors of Health Care Reform. I have heard the arguments that it will bankrupt this country; that it will mean that illegal aliens get free health care; it will mean that the quality of care that we have come to know will diminish. I am tired of the government bashing; the lack of respect for civil servants and the slavish devotion to a market economy gone beserk.

Here is my take on what has happened in the grande ol' USA. We let the pundits and financial wizards convince us that they could spin gold from straw. We bought it all. Profits beyond your imagination. Those profits came at the expense of the working people, the safety of our economy, and very physical environment in which we live. Easier to make huge profits and pay pennance to a government agency for fines than to take a look at the big picture.

We all allowed our greed to blur our vision. We eagerly trod upon those lower than us on so many scales - education, SES, racial, gender, work hierarchy. We were thoughtless and callous because the never-going-to-end profit orgy was too good to pass up.

While we were gluttonously stuffing our bank accounts and putting profit before service or profit before resources we forgot that you can't fool nature. Like us she is bound by the laws - physics, gravity, economics. We manipulated those laws but that was only a small detour on the road back to reality. You can't devour your capital and still hope to profit.

Human capital. Human resources. Human productivity. We keep wanting to take the humanity out of our reality. Examples abound in the real world. My wife works for a Big Ten university whose president is determined to make it a world class institution. The football coach makes $3,000,000 a year. She is in HR and specializes in compensation. Many of the employees are now looking at furloughs. Days without pay. Days when they will not work but will still be responsible for the end product. Has anyone asked that coach to give back anything? No, she said.

Corporations invest in art so that they have an air of prestige while denying health care for children, the elderly and the disadvantaged. This is the face of someone who might be denied health care because she can't afford it



The corporations and the Christian Right (what does that really mean anyway?) are stuffing their pockets with your dollars and building temples. What is in those temples? The riches of our labor. Will that protect them from aging? - No!

Walmart keeps lowering prices. Ironically, even the Walmart employees don't really make enough to shop there, but where do you go if Walmart is too expensive. At what price have we saved a penny? My money is going to the local seller, if I am able to do so. That local seller may have a relationship with a supplier who has a family to feed. What happens when all the manufacturers in the USA have been put out of business by cheaper (both definitions) suppliers in other places? What happens when there are no jobs here at all that pay a living wage because the corporations have uprooted themselves and moved on to cheaper labor somewhere else? Think it could not happen?

Ask yourself how the USA has changed since this



Is it better? Do immigrants (all of us nearly) make this a better place? Did your family have opportunity? What kind of social programs really exist here? Does education count? Maybe we should all just pay for the services we get benefit from! Or better still, just the services we approve of and really need.

Children do not need music in their lives.



We can eliminate art, too, because it is a frivolous endeavor. No life was ever enriched by art education.

Education should serve a purpose. That purpose should be determined by the market. Market needs slave labor. No need for education. There are enough managers for now and they can tell us when we need more bodies, more middle management, engineers, and...

See what I mean.

Teens

Andy, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Andy is the teen son of one of my co-workers. His mother has an incredible heart. She cares for the world literally and figuratively. The night before this image was taken one of her dogs died. She was wounded and was kind of low-key. That was not a surprise. The surprise for me was to see her revel in the joy of her son. We were just loosening up a bit here, but it might be one of my favorite photos for 2009. Next year even better photos to come.

All Smiles

All Smiles, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Families are strange configurations. We strive to be part of one and simultaneously seek to divide and separate out. We laugh with our families and then we laugh at them. We complain that they are too little of this and too much of that. We praise their great work/family ethic and then whine about the way they choose to live out their lives. We include and exclude. We talk behind their backs and will not share our feelings to their faces. We all belong to one and we have all some if not all of the acts listed above.

Families are everything and nothing. They are the beginning and end of many people's problems. They are our alpha and our omegas. Families make you laugh and they also make you cry. We live in them even when we do not want to. We die as part of one even when we are not wanted. We sacrifice for families, too.

It is Thanksgiving 2009. I am a natural born US citizen. I have lived under the tutelage of what we think of as "Our Greatest Generation" . They survived World War II, the Korean Conflict, the Cuban Missle Crisis and the the Bay of Pigs, the Vietnam War, The Gulf War, the invasions of Grenada and some have lived long enough to experience both the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. They have seen facism, totaltarianism, communism, socialsim, and fundamentalism, and extreme idealism as motivations for war.

Families and war have these unquantifiable abstract associations. I still do not comprehend what makes people kill each other for an idea and I do not comprehend family systems at all.

Ruler or Lawyer

SOP, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sometimes at the most innocuous moments, life will toss you a bone of wisdom. Today was one of those days, as I soaked in the warm soapy water of my morning shower. Lawyer vs Ruler.

We have laws that we like to think of as fair and impartial. We have rules that we also like to think of as objective. Neither is really true. Here is the pearl: There are laws of physics and gravity and mathematics. And there are human laws based on the Old English interpretation of Judaic-Christian principles. We presume to think that everyone should abide by these principles. If human laws were as specific and certain as gravity and inertia, perhaps we would not need prisons and corrections people. But they are not certain. And they certainly are not impartial or objective. New evidence is "unearthed" daily about convictions by the Law users that were based on rumor, suspicion, falsehoods and innuendo. We had lawyers arguing the admissability of evidence and we still manage to unjustly convicted and execute a number of innocent people.

We have rules, too! These rules are based on our Constitution and the Judaeo-Christian ethics. The rules are based on the laws that the lawyers and legal beagles think we should all be following. Only problem is that our laws are always subject to interpretation. We have judges and appelate courts and supreme courts that all look at interpretations of the law.

So are we overrun with Rulers or Lawyers? I purport that our problems arise because we don't recognize laws and that we put too much faith in rulers. Do you understand the difference?

Time

Primary Color, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Catch the light
From dusk to dawn
From morn to night
Simply catch the light

Take a breath
Breathe a moment
Each one unique
Each one special.

Smell the peonies
Roses and thistle
Hear the faint buzz of the bees
The wind as it whistles

The leaves as they scritch
across the now slippery streets
Wet with welcome rain

Feel the earth as it
starts it beautiful descent
into a well-deserved rest.

Once in a Blue Moon

Once in a Blue Moon, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I have been giving long and serious thought to the arguments about HEALTHCARE reform. I have read some of the arguments from the conservative (what is in a name) and the non-reformists perspectives. I have also read arguments of those who are in favor of this reform and the liberals (again just a name).

Here is what I am taking from all this. Many people are fearful of GOVERNMENT intervention into an already failing system. Healthcare is about having healthy citizenry. We need a healthy citizenry so that we can have a productive and enjoyable life and productive social environment.

One large question looms. Why do we fear government involvement? Have we truly forgotten that WE are the government. WE chose the elected officials. We have a right to use monies that WE have collected for the collective good.

We the people elected to bail out banks, credit card companies, and automobile companies. We the people choose to work daily, pay our taxes and produce so that some can have MORE. WE choose to have police departments, National Guard and an active military rather than mob rule. We choose to have public schools (and private) so that we have standards for learning and excellence. We choose to pave roads, provide sanitation services, and have agencies that oversee our food, our infrastructure and our lives.

If we do not trust the government, we in reality are simply saying that we do not trust ourselves. That we are not capable of compromise, self-regulation and meeting the needs of our families and our society. Corporations do not have souls. Corporations do not have neighbors. Capitalism is no more an ideal than democracy. Each man (women and some minorities were excluded) had a vote and all did not take advantage of that system.

Women, minorities, and non-citizens have had to go with the flow. It is only less that 1/2 century that African-Americans have begun to be fully participative individuals within our system. That time the majority was wrong. Women were deprived of the right to participate. That time the minority was wrong. We encamped Asians, but not Germans (why did we let this happen?) We enslaved generations of Africans for cheap labor (WE know this was a rationalization). We herded Native-Americans into reservations (majority was wrong).

We performed experiments on unwitting people. We provided unsafe drugs to people and had thalidomide problems. We are purposefully fed misinformation because the motive is not progress but to maintain the status quo.

Each time in our history that we have had opportunity to make the right moral decisions we have come to this same crossroad. This time, WE the PEOPLE should exercise the freedoms others have fought to gain for us and DO what is in our common good. If we do not, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

I do not have the answer to this problem or many of the problems that plague us as an aging, diverse and influential culture; but WE do.

We have to start honest dialogues. Start talking with each other and stop talking about each other. WE have to stop pretending that someone else is doing this to US.

Waiting

Waiting, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

...for the end of the world. What should do in the mean time. The Mayan calendar predicts this. We should prepare somehow? We should probably all quit our jobs and spend time with our loved ones. We should end air travel and simply go back to horse and buggy. We should all gather around the campfires and tell wild stories of our exploits and deeds.

The world may end in 2012. In the meantime, we will still have hunger, pain, dysphoria and new strains of flu to confront. Of course, we will also still have love, children, joy to make the transitions easier.

What might we do to fulfill this prophesy? I do not know. Perhaps none of us do. Perhaps it simply is. What messages have we been given to heed? What warning signs? Does global warming count? Does MAND (Mutually Assured Nuclear Destruction) count?

I will leave here soon to shower and report to work. Today is a court day. I have to tell a judge new to this case that a mother has not completed nor adequately participated in her case plan, and now we are considering transferring custody of her daughter to some one else. It will be an emotional day. It will suck the energy right out of me. It will injure my immortal soul. It will forever change me.

These two eyes will be watching me. Waiting to see how I cope with this. Will I bring it home? Will I be aware of how it is affecting my relationships with those close to me? Will I embrace that fateful day in 2012 when the world comes to an end?

Calla in the Rain

Calla in the Rain, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Evveryday we have choices. We can choose to enter the senseless and nonproductive bickering about Republican vs Democratic politics. We can choose to ignore our changing and challenging environments. We can choose to spend our dollars on education or protection or assimilation or any number of other choices. But that is part of the point. We do have choices. In many places on the planet we call Earth there are not choices available. Someone tells the many HOW, WHEN, WHY and IF something is to be done. Someone decides everything and there is often little public discourse. There is minimal participation by the masses in the daily decisions. The newspapers and media are controlled by those who have the power. The police are puppets for the powerful. The banking system is flawed and unfair.

What will we choose here that will continue to separate us from the places we purport to despise? Each choice will take us closer or move us farther away, but it is our choice. Each and every individual has a choice. What you choose in the short term may not be in your long term best interests. Simple!

Rust

Rust, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Summer is winding on. We have had the beauty of a brilliant spring, the not-quite-so-hot, but very dry summer. We have had a couple of terrific storms, some occasional rain and some beautiful skies at sunset.

Our little corner of the world has visited the North Shore of Lake Superior; Dallas, TX; Lincoln, NE; Atlanta, GA; Chicago, IL; Hayward, WI; Detroit Lakes, MN; and a few shorter trips to the regular environs here around Minneapolis-St. Paul.

We will have seen almost all the family members that still count. Zoos, baseball and softball games. We have had a bonfire or two here with the visiting teens and pre-teens. We have had a basketball game or two, taken quite a few bike rides, visited DQ on a hot night; long for a fire on cooler nights, sweated when we chose not to use the air and pulled covers up to our chins on nights when the temperature seemed more like April or October rather than June or July.

We have frequented a couple of new local restaurants; Smash Burger (yuck); and the new deli (TU here). Marcus tried some new foods (salads and greens); and he spent a week being a vegetarian (don't know why, but he's a kid). Angel has a boyfriend (strong grip-plays football) and we are almost done with her braces.

Mary worked hard this summer. Struggling with a neck strain/back injury that plagued her most of the summer. I fought with the battle of bulge for the first real time in my life. It is harder to get on that tiny seat on my bike, but it is still just as fun. Wind in my face, sounds of birds and the slight hum of rubber tires on the blacktop.

Marcus took golf lessons through First Tee and loved it. He and Mary played a couple of 9 hole games. Angel fell really hard for softball and played on a championship team. She missed the final game though because of family vacation. Still, nothing like being a winner.

August is rust. Rust is tarnish. Tarnish is a covering. That covering starts to change things. What more changes might we see this year? Sometime in August the politcians are going to either make some decisions or continue with the nonsensical partisan ideologies about healthcare and economic recovery. They should have to shed the donkey and the elephant at the lawmaker's front steps and do simply what is right. Some of the best educated but little-boy-frightened-at-first-day-of-school people I have ever seen.

America is rusty herself. We can polish her up or let her decline. We have to decide. The status quo is no longer an option.

And my photography skills are a bit more polished. Trying hard to avoid rust and complacency. Where do we all go next?

Some Things

, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

...are just beautiful. Sometimes the beauty is too much to absorb in one setting. I saw these flowers on the way back from taking/making other photos. I stopped, enjoyed the fresh breeze in my face and walked around. The lighting was direct and overhead, the breeze was too stiff for macros and the flowers would not stay still. I just enjoyed looking at these. I snapped off a few frames for posterity sake. I maxed DOF and steadied myself as best I could. I exposed in bursts of bracketed fives. This is the result. I am pleased. I hope you enjoy this serendipitous moment. You probably have some things too that you could share. This is but one of mine.

Walk About

My daughter was sleeping. My wife and son had left for Vikings training camp in Mankato. My studio partner asked to borrow a lens for a wedding she is shooting today. I dropped off the lens and started meandering. Something I have not done in considerable time. The studio is in St. Paul near the Farmer's Market. On my way in I saw these beautiful flowers. I stopped and clicked off a quick burst on my camera. Someone noticed me there and stopped to talk with me. I think I found the interruption somewhat annoying, but I tried to be gracious. That is not always easy for me during a meander. I dropped off the lenses and started on my way home. I stopped by the little shop that sells second store furnishings. Thinking about a new clothing rack for the studio. Something a bit more steady that what we currently have. The rep noticed me and asked if I had seen what I was looking for. I mentioned photography and he immediately let me know they have autopoles. Just what we need. Stick that in my memory for the next time I have a few extra dollars.

Next stop Theodore Wirth. But before I get there I see the sunflowers in the community garden. Click, click. Beautiful light again here. Too breezy though.

Basics

Basics, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I just saw a WalMart commercial on TV. WalMart saves you money by not paying enough to the vendors that provide the goods to you. We get caught in the trap of getting a deal, but we forget about the vendor who might be our neighbor. Each one of us that is so eager to save a few pennies might want to think about how this affects your neighbor and your neighborhood.

Feelings

4449, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

We have all understood that Justice Sotomayor should not introduce feelings into any argument in which law prevails. She may not have feelings about civil rights. She should not have feelings about women's issues. She should have a blind eye towards justice and precedents because the law is all about objectivity, until we start the discussion about abortion. Her opinion about this topic is paramount. We need to know which way she might be leaning and I suppose the best way to ferret this information out of her is to explore her feelings on the topic. Sordid awful feelings. What makes abortion so very different? We did not talk about capital punishment yet. We did not talk about health care. Just the A bomb. OK

Fairy Tales

, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sometimes when life is kicking your teeth in and you feel that you can't trust anyone, you just have to take a leap of faith. Do what you want; laugh at the folly of struggle. I have been listening to the confirmation hearings for Sonia Sotomayor. I am appalled at the rancor and vituperative nature of the questions and accusations. Pomposity and arrogance abound here. There are those who would actually postulate that The Supreme Court of the United States of America merely applies the law that Congress writes. That the law is immutable. If so immutable, why do we now have the abolition of slavery, women as whole citizens, abortion rights, civil rights and voting rights that were previously prohibited.

Sonia Sotomayor is a product of her history, culture and socioeconomic status. We all are. To pretend otherwise is foolishness. Each and everyone of our justices applies the law based on education, experiences, political beliefs, social awareness and a combination of other factors.

If the law were so objective, there would be little need to squabble about one's personal philosophy. If the law were totally objective, we could simply review rulings made and opinions offered by justices. If the law were not red nor blue, we could simply apply an objective test. But corrections have been made. The lower courts are not always affirmed in opinions and rulings. The court system is about fallible people making decisions about other fallible people.

Dream Sonia Sotomayor that your fairy tale can come true. It can happen to you. Stay young at heart. Know that there are those of us who acknowledge the challenge of impartiality and justice in an unjust and very partial world.

Copper Tones

Copper Tones, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sunday afternoon. I am at the U11 baseball championship game at the park. Thankfully it is not swelteringly hot. We have a gentle cooling breeze. The boys have already given up because they were thumped in the first two innings and are down more that 12 points already. My cell phone buzzes in my pocket. A referral for a few portrait shots. Birthday coming up and wants to have some decent photos. I agree to meet her following my lunch break the following day. We crank out a handful of these cool images and this is what is I think one of the best. Always fun to work with fun people.

Opportunity

Opportunity, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Opportunity presents itself to us all the time. Sometimes we acknowledge this; most times we do not even see it. It however exists all around us. Each of us has opportunities to make the world a better place. We can choose to be kind or evil. We can choose to acknowledge our own blessings and assist others or we can be prigs about our righteousness. How do you want to be remembered? As one who took took took and ignored those in need when there was more than enough to go around. Or do you want to be remembered as one who accepts that he is his siblings' keeper.

Since we can't take it with us and the warehouse has plenty, couldn't we all afford to be more generous? Couldn't we let those who serves us have a taste without the fear that it would all be lost?

Cogs in the Machine

Cogs, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Some people complain about sunny days. It's just too bright for them. Some complain about the rain even when they are farmers and the soil needs moisture. Some complain about having too much work. Others complain that it is too dry when they are busy scheduling tennis and golf matches. But there are some who can simply appreciate the good things that happen in life. They take joy in the special moments. These are the kind of people I like to be around. They would be happy pigs in a pen with ample mud, or apples patiently waiting on a tree. They do not expect miracles and experience the everyday, the mundane as special. What can you do to magnify the moment?

Fence

Fence, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Fences are made to keep somethings in - dogs, construction materials and such. They are also made to keep somethings out - people, thieves, peeking eyes and so on. Every once in a while though, a fence can serve a glorious purpose. This fence was the backdrop and cage for girls softball recently. I loved the soft evening light and the abstract creation of the bats, the batting gloves and the chainlink. I am printing this one large as a memory of the marvelous carefree days of youth. We adults build fences to keep ourselves from life. How are your fences making your life difficult?

Sin Sombra

Sin Sombra, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sin sombra means "shadowless" in Spanish. I originally created this piece with a small shadow hanging over the window. Sometime later I learned that the transparency that we hoped for in the new administration will have lots of places for shadows. It seems that there have been such detestable atrocities at the behest of the US military and intelligence organizations that the expected transparency is becoming opaque. Opaque can be shadowless, though. Darkness can certainly be shadowless since one needs some light to create shadows. If we are to become something other than a shadow of our former selves, we have to be willing to look in all the dark and creepy places where we have tolerated evil; contemplated marginal morality, and turned our heads in the interest of a "post 9-11" world security structure. If we simply become what we have detested all along, all the shadows will be free to roam the earth. That would be Hell instead of Heaven. I'm just saying...!

Spring

Untitled, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Arrives here in the northern latitudes. We get beautiful days and cool evenings. We have almost no bugs yet. Life is good. This is an example of a flower from a natural light/available light workshop I organized this most recent month. Flowers make such great subjects because they don't usually move. Color is almost always an issue too. This time was late afternoon (golden hourish) and slightly overcast. Couldn't really ask for more.

People Get Angry

Mamiya M645 1000s, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

My wife is angry with me...she knows why, but is not ready to talk with me. My son is angry because I turned off the TV while he was doing his math homework last night (he is struggling a bit with word problems). My daughter is angry with me. She could have a couple of reasons. I caught her whispering on her cell phone long after lights out last night and told her it stays upstairs for the rest of the week. Or she could be upset that I stopped for coffee this morning and chose not to buy her a smoothie just before I drop her off at school. Little did it matter that we were just leaving her early (really early morning orthodontics appointment in which I am told she should use the rubber bands. Nor did she have any of her own recently earned money from shoveling snow and doing laundry ( 1 load). Of all the nerve. How could I deny her this smoothie.

Work sucks. I am tired. Perhaps I should get angry with myself and stop trying so hard to do everything for everyone.

!

!, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Tragedy. In light of Black History Month I wanted us all to see what challenges to our existence there are. This young man in Nigerian by culture and parentage, but he was born here in the US. We need to give our children love and support. We need to give them hope. We need to be their refuge in their struggle. We too often fail because we want to mimic and be like the mainstream society. We can't. We must create and re-create our own history; our own culture and traditions.

Still Life

Still Life, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

2nd sick day this week...sniffly, sneezy, kind of want to sleep all day sick. But I had time to think about the state of the world and the state of life as we know it.

I have had time to think about the bonuses that the CEOs paid themselves. I have had time to think about bailouts and executive salaries. I have had time to laugh about the music and the football game and so much stuff.

Living the Dream

Living the Dream, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I almost left without the family. Even though I had already told them that this MLK day was a very special one to me and that it was part of an ultra historic week for me. They wanted to hang out, watch TV and play video games. Even after we got there the magnitude of the moment continued to elude them. This was the culmination of the dream. The talent was only mediocre. I had attended better organized events. The mood in the salon though was electric. People of all income strata, ethnic groups and political ideologies waiting for the birth of this new era of hope.

Here are the faces of the new era. Faces and neighborhoods no longer divided along racial lines. A new place in which we practice loving our neighbors as ourselves. A time when we can truly believe that all men and women are brothers and sisters. Adelante.

This is one man's perspective on the best three days of 2009. Day one is MLK Day; Day two is the inauguration of Barak Obama; Day three is my 52nd birthday.

The Blue Room

The Blue Room, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

It has been a tough week. Sick kids; lots of court activity; school conferences; volleyball playoffs. I am exhausted, but I wanted to share this gem with you all. The blue lights and the b/w print on the wall. Seem to be from two different worlds. I think that is what caught my attention.