Red Petals

Red Petals, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Compassion fatigue....that is what I have. I am emotionally drained. I don't feel like I can give anymore or care anymore. My life is filled with caring for others; often times more than they care for themselves. I am not sure a vacation can fix the problem. I wake up refreshed but somewhere in the process of getting the kids out the door I lose all interest in interacting with others. It drags me back into the hole that I feel I am constantly being forced back into. Thinking about what my work and my life means for others does not give me enough to pull me through the molasses of emotion and despair. It is not winter. It is thinking about this election and preparing for another trial or getting another case (with the same individuals). It is all the driving between here and there and the lack of personal responsibility for everything going haywire in somebody's life somewhere. It is the push towards the next round of emotionally draining court experiences about my mother. The lame sister who claims self-righteousness. It is the parenting of an adolescent. The thanklessness of so many daily things. It is the taking for grantedness that we all share.

I wish that a new job or the lottery would come to save me from this, but I know in reality that I will have to dig deep and find the source for true fulfillment inside of me. Swallow hard and take a deep breath and wait for my wisdom to surface.