New Blood

sometimes you finish doing something that was a short term assignment in your life. the feeling of that accomplishment can be a trap that can keep you from growing. i may have reached that point in my work and personal lives. some of the joy i used to feel at doing my job just is not there anymore. i want to be able to laugh at the end of my day...and perhaps have something left to give to those who need me. instead i feel like a wet noodle. i feel like i am being crushed in a giant water mill. the client just push and parry and thrust. i am always avoiding contact (metaphysically as well). i am even sometimes awash in the spray of the malaise of some many lives that i do not know where i am. today is one of those days. the weariness of constant hypervigilance and awareness takes a massive toll on my soul. each TPR is a chink in my battle scarred armour. i tire of the verbal gymnastics and mental pole vaulting that is required to stay supple and imaginative. kids need to be protected, but i do not think it is from the parents as much as it is from an inept system. too many people who do not know human development who are in decision-making authority. too many attorneys and dispositional advisors and guardians and workers all looking at the elephants sitting in their very midst. Obi Wan, you are our only hope now!