Today I Dare to Dream, Again

Still cold here. The temperature is hovering around 0F. That certainly is not record setting cold, but we have short memories and fantasies that winters were never this bad before. My first winter in MN, resulted in 23 inches of fresh snow, plummeting temperatures and a number of deaths. This was January 1975. I remember this fondly because I left Chicago on a Greyhound and it was still snowing when I arrived in Mankato, many hours later. It snowed steadily for a couple of days. School was cancelled and the Highway Patrol issued travel warnings and started to close the interstate highways. Of course the crazed college students played in the snow and dared to venture out to the gym for pickup basketball games.

Other things I recall about the weather here. I recall that we always had a warm spell in January. Sometimes referred to as the Thaw. Temperatures in the 50s and 60s and then the return to our normal January temps.

This year there was not really a thaw. Not weather-wise at least. My life went through a brief thaw-like period. A couple of good weeks around my birthday. But the freeze is back in again. I am weary of all the emotional trauma and drama. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that the joy of the rollercoHow aster wears thin after some time. Being an introvert struggling to live in the world where extroversion is encouraged is difficult. There are so many times when I wish to retreat into a book or some quiet place. But not so easily done. The demands on my energy and time are constant.

How many of us have allowed our dreams to simply die? We compromised and made deals with our devils. We became shells of ourselves for convenience sake or social pressure. We let go of the very idealism that kept us alive when we were young and ready to change the world so that it could just be a better place. When did we stop putting our best foot forward? When did we start to listen to the naysayers? When did we stop loving life and start fearing death? When did we become so careful?

This year will continue to be a year of reflection; a review of the life I have lead until now and a preparation for the kind of life I want to live now and in my future. My dignity and self-respect have to stay intact. I want to know about love (and hurt); life and death; humility and honor. I am going to have to dream the impossible dream.