Stirred and Ground

I took the dog out for a walk this morning.  We bumped into at least one person I have worked with in the past life.  She asked about me and I shared briefly my escape back into genuineness.  I sat on the porch this morning and watched the neighbors and birds, and squirrels come to life.  While I sat I listened to Pandora - Melody Gardot station.  Artists that appeared:
Etta James
Melody Gardot
Renee Olstead (new to me)
Esperanza Spalding

Some bossa nova, some French-language songs.

As summer splashes into autumn

And the leaves dry and krinkly are crushed under boots 

As the days shorten and cool

While nights envelope us in her favorite tool

I think of you and laughter and dancing eyes

Lilted voices and casual strolls through krinkled leaves

Minutes melting into hours

Phone calls crossing nebulae

Light bending while sound warps into joy 

Hearts laughing and open filling with glee

Fear at bay for now  

Forget Me Not...

Things to think about:

We have promised that we will never forget 9/11/2001.  We have grave associations with what happened and what could have happened to us as a nation on that day.  Apparently it is significant because our period of inviability ended.

We as a nation caution people of color to not focus on 1) The Trail of Tears 2) Slavery 3) illegal encampment of Japanese ancestry citizens.  There are more, but I think you will get the point.

Daily I read, hear or somehow get information about what a great race neutral country we livc in, but for the few malcontents who attempt to inject race and the horrible effects of systemic and institutionalized racism into the national discussions.

Some of us (people of color) are tired of being an asterisk in the discussion about success, race, wealth and poverty.  Some of us are frustrated that even as we change the dialogues and conversations about race, achievement, success, equality and freedom that it is inverted and the focus becomes on what has not been done.

Some people of color are tired of every discussion devolving into a black versus white issue, simply ignoring that Asians, Hispanic (of all "races"), and Native/Indigenous people are not part of the dialogue and are of no consequence to the outcome.

Some people see the interconnectedness of ageism, sexism, ableism, genderism as signs of an important unified struggle for freedom - not for one group, but for all people.

Symbolina

Sometimes in your life you will think you are done with something.  But you should remember that evil does exist in the world and when we rest for a moment, when we simply choose to move on, that evil conspires to make us miserable.  Just such a moment recently occurred in my life.  Just when I thought we had successfully negotiated the death of my parents, my sister deep charges another missive.  I have to assume that she hoped to catch some of us off balance with her wacky and inappropriate request. The gist is she is claiming that she has paid the mortgage and expenses and wants to sell the house now.  No discussion amongst the siblings; just her decision.  Since she is in charge she is giving us only few days to claim what we want from the house by 9/27; just a bit more than a week.  I don't trust her and I think she has ulterior motives.  That is all.

Ying Yang

I am out walking Dasher this morning.  The air is crisp.  The light is dim.  There are few people in the streets.  I am thinking about recent events and changes in my life.  Then it hits me.  Once again, just as I think that it is done, that I am ready to move on, I realize that I can't skip this piece.  It is something that simply has to be done.  I can wince and wail.  I can pretend and I can feign completion, but that will not make it so.

In order for me to be done with this last relationship, I have to take the risk of being in the next one.  I have to be vulnerable to being loved and hurt again.  I am not sure that it means I have to love someone, simply that I have to be willing to experience the pain I have hidden myself from.  The ying and the yang of life.

Dungy Report?

I am wondering if all the media attention on Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson is a distraction in the NFL.   What do you think?  I know that a coach I had much respect for ventured out on a figurative limb when he commented on Michael Sams involvement with the NFL.

Every Day!

It is a cold, bright winter morning. I have walked the dog, strolled around the neighborhood and looked at dried and crumpled leaves in the beautiful sunlight. Some days that is the best you might ask for. Yesterday I had the opportunity to just hang out with my 19 year old. We talked while I drove to pick up photos for an event at the high school for the basketball team. She shared a bit of her soul and her fears. We talked about that, and I had my say, whether she takes my advice or not. What is important is that I was there for her. We just never know the impact we have on another's life. Still do what you know is right, and they will see your example as a guide.

Burn Notice

I just deactivated my account on Facebook. There is just too much contentiousness there for me. It feels like a forum in which everyone has an opinion that many consider to be fact. It feels like an unsafe place for those who are not part of a rabid majority. It is not a place where I feel like I am able to engage in free dialogue with others about ideas and new ways of thinking. So here is a place where I am able to hear myself think; a place where I don't have to listen to the inane rantings of fringe wingnuts.

Watching You

I read the news today, like yesterday. It was rife with suggestions that somebody is horribly off base about something that journalist was reporting to the general public. It seems so crucial that we know the opinion and possible fallout of now sharing the same view. I have come to think that we are no longer hoping to survive as a nation. We are tearing ourselves apart from the inside out. Democrat or Republican; Progressive or Conservative; Corporate or Government; Left or Right; Tall or Short. We almost always see the differences instead of the similarities. We are not nearly as different as so many purport. We eat; we work; we love; we waste. We cry; we laugh; we believe and we disparage. We all have or at least had family. We plant our opinions as if the opinion itself is gospel. We don't question how we "know" this or evaluate new information that might alter our position. It is sad. People can either disappoint you or you can accept that each of us is human.

There are so very many good things to see in this world. Open your eyes to some of the good; the beautiful; the lovely. See kindness and when you don't see, do something to make it a better world. I am going to do it. Maybe it will catch on and we can stop focusing on the "scarcity principle".

NIMBY!

People are people. Americans have emerged from so many national and ethnic groups that it is hard to decide what is an American. This week we learned that some people are incensed that the new Ms America has East Indian ancestry. The blogs were rife with messages about "real Ameicans". I feel sadness when I hear this. Here are some American faces: We had other mass shootings - Washington, DC and locally, here in Minneapolis. We love our guns. We love Free Speech, when the speaker is talking about something we endorse. We have little respect for those whose views are contradictory to our own. Sometimes even when the perspective is parallel but not identical we have troubling understanding why someone might believe other than what we choose. Imagine that. I can't hear myself for the roar of the Facebook rantings and the bellicose tweets. While our elected politcal officials and corporate denizens decide what is in our national best interests we have children missing out on education. We have diminished opportunity. We have disparate treatment of so many groups it is not worth shedding light. We have the powerful and then there are the rest of us. Fortunately, for some, the two groups are not mutually exclusive. We have global uncertainty. Weather, geopolitical issues, conflicting theocracies, political ideologies, Marxism, Facism, Socialism, Captitalism, Anarchy. Choose the one that works best for you today. Who is your neighbor?

Hoodie Alert

I woke up this morning and felt the weight of so many previous generations on my shoulders and my mind.  I heard what the President said about the legal system, but it does not satisfy my lust for revenge.  It is not just revenge for Trayvon and Emmett, those four innocent young black girls, and so many older "soldiers" fallen in the cause.  It is for my children and my grandchildren.

I have to ask myself if we have become complacent with our middle-class existence.  We do not know hunger, or violence, or blatant discrimination.  We have education, and professional status to separate us from the less fortunate.  We have connections in some of the right places.  We have money (not much, but enough) that we can shop at a regular grocery store rather than the corner market.  Why?

ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION: Did divide and conquer play an important role in this?  Is it one more manufactured crisis for the communities of diversity to deal with?  Is it another distraction while the neo-cons strategically dismantle our protections?  Do we have to worry about the abortion debate, Stand Your Ground, women's rights, GLBT rights and basic protections for our young and our vulnerable?  What price is too much?

Let's see what happens next?

Dumpster

Anger
Danger
Warning
Staring
Blaring
Killing
Chilling
Willing
Able
Hurting
Blurting
Projecting

Nilly
Willy
Silly
Billy

Guessing
Fronting
Pushing
Daunting

Cowards
Lout
Angry
Sellout
Liar
Bias
Tyrant

Music Weekend: Basilica Block Party and Roots, Rocks and Deep Blues Festival

I did something out of the ordinary for me.  Crowds.  I simply hate crowds of people.  I get anxious.  My breathing increases and I lose some of my focus.  But I have already been anxious.  I sit around the house, watching TV and reading or listening to music.  What I know is that I just needed to do something different.  The Basilica Block Party is one very large outdoor music event right here in Minneapolis.  I completed the online applicaton for Cities 97 and a day later I had a voice message indicating I had two tickets for Friday night.  Wow.

The first two sets were great - Family of the Year and ZZ Guard.  Matt Nathanson was the headliner at the Church Stage.  He was engaging and entertaining.  Fun.

Saturday was another day of music.  Roots, Rock and Deep Blues Festival at Harriet Brewing, the Mosiac Cafe and Patrick's Cabaret.  This time it was Chastity Brown and her band on the 89.3 Stage.  She was funny and earthy and cool.

I am glad that I did both of these music events.  I caught some flak as a result of this, but sometimes you just have to be true to your self.  Be true to your self, too!

NoHope

another ripple
another wave
relationship stipple
relationship grave

Dragonfly

Dragonfly.

Mysterious and curious-looking. The dragonfly would appear to defy all odds. It has beautiful but disproportionately large wings, a tiny body and lives on insects. The dragonfly does not have to ask permission to be what it is. It goes about the business of being a dragonfly. To some the dragonfly is frightening or scary. To others the dragonfly is simply beautiful.

I was fortunate enough to have this beautiful specimen visit me while I sat enjoying the breeze at Medicine Lake. We settled on the perch and I grabbed my macro lens from my car. The critter was still there when I returned and allowed my to get pretty close. I danced gingerly around the dragonfly trying to get a background that would be realistic and complementary while trying to maintain a good lighting ratio. I was able to squeeze off a couple of frames before the dragonfly departed. I tried to follow, but this one was headed out over the water.

No Ride Today

No Ride Today

Some time has passed since I last wrote. I have no excuse, I am tired though. Tired of worrying about all the issues that I can't control. That I did not create. That I did not break. Tired of trying to be everything to everyone. There is no justification...

Work is hard. Relationships are so much work. I want it easy. I want no more jerks in my life.

A Walk in the Rain

Iris

This morning I walked in the rain. A gentle, sibilant, rain. I could here the raindrops colliding with the leaves on the trees. I could here the babbling and giggling of water sliding through streets as the laughing waters cascaded into the abyss of cisterns and systems hidden beneath the city. I watched the raindrops glistening like jewels on the petals of freshly quenched lillies, and begonias, and roses. What a beautiful and simple joy. A walk in the rain.

We Are Almost There!

We Are Almost There!

I have been thinking about the political bantering here in the US. I think it is an intentional distraction. Think Rome burning while the leaders fled and Caesar fiddled. While the middle class is distracted by capital gains and what the Conservatives vs the Liberals are ready to dole out to them, we watch while our infrastructure crumbles.

Millions of dollars were donated to a recall election in Wisconsin. Both sides found sources of money to bolster the opportunity to become the political head of a small and broke state. Not as broke as California or Illinois, but hurting as industry flees overseas.

Ask yourself, do the Germans protect BMW, BASF and other companies? Do the Chinese fight to keep their economy strong? Has globalization helped or hurt you as an employee? The answers are not simple and are surely not easy, but we the voting, paying, and concerned public have to stop yelling and screaming at each other and search for answers. /End rant.

Healing

Some days are like this.
People demanding your time and your energy.
Tasks that you do not want to do.
Life seems to be in your way!
Pain in every direction.
No relief in sight.
Jokers all around you.
Truth becomes flexible and that's not right.
Dreamsicle dreams of orange and cream.

Today is just one such day.
My life has finally caught up to me as I have tried to outrun it.
Relationships are fried.
Energy has been displaced by apathy.
I feel too tired to try any more.
Too bereft of motivation to care.

Everyone should just do as they dare.
Dare to be compassionate.
Dare to be loving.
Dare to be genuine.
Dare to be something great.

Leave me alone for the mean time.

Graduation

It is graduation time here in MN. Some from college; some from high school. Some from middle school. Congratulations to all of them. Neighbors, children of friends, co-workers. Honor the hard work and effort put into this.

There are many of us who are finding reason to celebrate growth, change, movement and life. Each organism completes its tasks in an appropriate time frame. What seems to be slow to you may be adequate for them. What we think is too fast, may be right on track for that individual. We each have our tasks to master and obstacles to overcome. Recognize the effort and the hard work of movement.

Vendedera

Vendedera, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

This woman was selling her wares on the steep steps of an archaelogical wonder. She likely hauled it all up and will have to take it back down. I guess that she does not complain about her station in life; is delighted when she earns a few pesos; and knows that she will have to do the same the next day.

She is probably not too concerned that Facebook shares have taken a beating since the IPO. She is probably not too worried either about the rubbish from the tsunami washing up on the shores of our Pacific coast. Her life is simple.

Simple because she knows what she has to do. Simple because she has only to manage a day at a time. Simple because the machinations of politicians in Mexico City, Washington, DC and Athens are not likely to affect her day-to-day existence.

That is why we have to protect her. We have to protect her lifestyle. She has not bought into the complicated money making schemes that seem to be our primary focus these days. She is born, works hard, makes a contribution in the world and she dies. She likely passes on the knowledge that she has to someone. She is a saint.

Sra. Leonarda

Sra. Leonarda, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Grandma's Hands

What a great song by Bill Withers.

This grandmother makes tortillas that she sells from her home. She makes these by hand with the most rudimentary tools. How do I know this? I met her in the process of transferring custody of her two grandsons to her. She has never met them; knows that they have developmental disabilities; knows that they may have trouble fitting in. She took them because they are family. Family trumps everything else that we can think of as an obstacle. They need her and her family. I am glad that I could meet her. I wish there were more people like her in this world.

inner workings

inner workings, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I was playing Scrabble with my 14-year-old yesterday. He multitasked and listened to his iPod and watched something on TV in between turns. I learned a couple of things while we played.

1) Some people choose to "do" other things in the midst of enjoying something. We all do this to some extent. I think kids today are more likely to do things that we older people think of as actively engaged tasks. Some examples would be watching TV and websurfing at the same time. Doing email and chatting on Facebook might be another good example.

I know that I find I am better able to concentrate when I put my mind to one task, easy or difficult with the exception of perhaps listening to music or talking while I wash dishes. Are we so very busy that we can't "do" one thing well at a time? Has our world become so complicated that we can't do just one thing? We text and drive (even though illegal) and rationalize our behaviors for reading books and the paper while talking to others. We talk on the phone when we are in the bathroom taking care of physically important needs. We drive and talk on the phone.

We interrupt each other mid-conversation, often because we simply are afraid we might forget that all important quip. We all do it. Try as I might, I find myself also "trying to make a point". When did discussion turn into debate or persuasion? When did the opposing view have less value than your own opinion? Ask yourself!

2) I added a word that I was certain of - nadir - and Marcus looked at it quizzically. He wasn't sure that it was a word, but did not want to risk the challenge. This morning another person asked me about the word.  I explained to her what it meant, then ran for the dictionary to show her.

There are likely many others who don't know where to turn in our discussions of economics and politics and general philosophy. Since so many of us don't have "references" we trust or can be deemed impartial, we have trouble having a serious but civil conversation. If (name your pundit) said it, it must be true.

I think that is how we are being taken advantage of here. We have self-appointed "experts" offering information/opinion as truth that is not challenged. The myriad reasons for failing to challenge are not as important as that we so simply accept opinion as "fact". Historically, that has not been a harbinger of something good for the general population. Think "Dark Ages" prior to the Renaissance.

Think Hitler before the war. Think Salem witch trials. Think slavery before abolition. Think Trail of Tears.  Think weapons of mass destruction.

Maybe if we all slow down and simply work on becoming informed, we can decide where we focus our energy and attention. We could decide if the Republicans or the Democrats have the best ideas for reform.  We could even choose to vote independent of party affiliation.  

Seek knowledge; engage in conversation versus debate. Always hear the other's side and respect that they came by that opinion honestly. You always have the option to walk away or to not accept that opinion.

Take a few minutes daily to establish your own priorities and make time to see them fulfilled.

The Shot

3/4 Shot, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sometimes in the course of just doing what I do all day long, I find a wall or a location that I think would be ideal for a photography session. I took someone to a therapy office on Monday May 7, 2012 and happened to see this corrugated rusty steel wall. It is attached to a tattoo parlor. I stopped by there later during the day and asked permission to use the wall for a background. Resounding yes was the answer. I put an immediate casting request with some of the model talent that I work with and got a quick hit. Jamie Dawn was someone I had wanted to book again with any way.

Mid day session with a fill flash and diffuser/reflector. She was a sport while I tested the fill flash and setup the diffuser.

HOPE

Hope is a word 

and a feeling. 

It embodies dreams

and wishes.  It lives 

beyond our lifetimes

and into the next.

Hope is HOT.

It is desire, healing, and heartiness

Hope is original.

My hopes may not be yours

It is obstreporous, clinging

to one in spite of the odds.

Hope is Pink and Purple.

Pugilistic and Pithy.

Hope can obliterate pain

and penury.

Hope is effervescent and eager.

It is elegant and ethereal. Hope is love.

Little Mama

Little Mama, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

There are so many ways to love one another. I struggle daily with people around me that rationalize their hatred and disdain for others. There are those that hate the poor (maybe a reminder of how close they are to that edge). I see those who hate those who are not part of their clan (racial, ethnic, economic, educational, familial). It is difficult for me because I just do not understand. Is it politics? Is it national pride? Is it arrogance? I do not know. Help me understand.

Christmas Countdown

We (meaning my wife) finally coaxed the three of us into putting up a Christmas tree. First time in many years that we have not made it out to the lot to fuss and argue over cedars, pines and spruces. Fake tree, ugly tree. We are only home a few days this holiday season because we are taking much needed breaks from school and work.

We are working at getting into the spirit of this important holiday season. There is just so much stuff. Medical procedures, picking out new phones for my recalcitrant teen, work, family, shopping, dogs, photography workshops, portrait sessions, freebies for friends and family. Recent works adorn this page.

What Now

We live in a place where we ostensibly have the right to disagree with our leaders. That seems to be an eroding right. If we disagree now, we are unpatriotic. What would the founding fathers have to say about our diminishing ability to dissent from the status quo. As I recall my history, this country was founded on the inalienable right to have an opinon that does not have to be sanctioned by the government. In this very nation as I write this we are challenging developing nations to take a look at their
civil rights abuses. Countries that live in glass houses should not launch stone nuclear warheads of mass destruction.

Rights

Everyone has rights. As I understand it, my rights end right where your rights begin. My right to free speech ends somewhere in the vicinity of you engaging in slander or libel. My right not to hear you may end in my not getting the information from you that I may have needed to know. As long as I am focused on what I deserve I may have trouble thinking clearly about the other people involved in the "us".

Some people have responsibilities.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individual_responsibility
What are you responsible for?

We have gotten through the surgery and now the recovery is in process.  Her strength is returning and things are getting back to normal (as normal as life can be).  I am hearing that same voice in my head that tells me 1) be careful what you say and 2) be care to whom you say it.  That is not how I hope to live my life.

B/W Abstract # 15

B/W Abstract # 15, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

heartquakes
dry tears
God forsakes
calmed fears
moving on
just ahead
quiet intense
sense of dread

yearn to laugh
don't know how
time's up anyhow
piper begs now
for his fee
pay now must you or me.

resolve better
once again
drop coins into tin.
piper gives short reprieve
full well knowing I decieve.

heartquakes
tears dry
wonder if I cry
soul dying
last chance gone
all left is one bone

heartquakes
moving earth
tears drying
life gives birth
once again try
you must
eternally until the dust

Hennepin Ave Bridge

Hennepin Ave Bridge, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

____________________
Tired of the millstone
Mouse tired soul weary
Wall Street up and Main Street closed
Pundits and politicians on
Citizens hosed.

Work long to keep up
with the ever growing tasks
Do as told; no one dare ask
why? Be glad you work now
lots waiting for your job anyhow.
wages down profits up.
when will we know that
people matter more than this

stalemates and gridlock
good news policy shock
lie today recant later
speak about investigator
tell me what I want to hear
i will gladly lend my ear,
my cash, my soul, my fear.

Namakagon

Namakagon , originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

So many broken hearts
Silly theories on the charts
Trying hard to hear the wind.
Think before you press send
Never more and seldom less
Wanting willing only best
Friend and foe; Jane and Joe.
What is there we should know?

Breaking hearts know all fear.
Waiting wanting just to hear
Having trying telling crying.
Soiled jeans, bruised knees
Laughing Crying Grinning Sneeze
Won't you play with me, please?

Argue this and project that
Is it round or is it flat?
Fading memories, tears dried now
Asking wondering if and how.
We can learn from our mistakes.
Broken hearts; no re-takes.

...and the band played on.

Tendril, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

somewhere inside of ourselves we know the truth about the joblessness, the inequality that we see growing and the balkanization of the people of this country. the world is and has been watching us to see how we deal with our crisis. a crisis that we have been most influential in creating and sustaining. i think the world is aghast wondering how we stand (sit maybe more accuate) by and watch the implosion of a great economy and a magnificent country. people still want to come to the great US in order to have a better standard of living and opportunity to be successful.

i am thinking that we should not have to worry much longer about the influx of immigrants. the "trickle down" that we have been waiting for may be the destruction of the economy (as the world sees it) and the change in the river flow. there may now be better places to go than here. get your passports ready.

what else can change?

U2 - Just Singing in the Rain

U2, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I went to see U2 here in Minneapolis. I learned a few things about myself in the process. I like people more than I think that I do. I had an interesting challenge because the person I bought the ticket from is a conservative through and through. We often taunt each other during the week in Facebook conversations and discussions. I take the more progressive or liberal tack and push against the conservative ideas that he espouses. In reality we are not all that different.

I learned more about myself during this wet and wild concert than I could have imagined. Tolerance, patience, desire, comfort, calmness. Standing there in the rain I wanted to leave but did not want to disappoint. I was getting incredibly uncomfortable when it no longer mattered anymore. The wetter I get, the more peaceful I got. I could not see clearly because the rain was distorting my vision through my eyeglasses. The jacket was dripping cold into my sodden jeans. My feet were screaming at me to move them instead of standing there in the rain. But I was OK.

Then the rain stopped and the concert ended. We had a short walk back to the motorcycle and then a chilly ride back to his car and a brisk ride back home. I was elated. The music was great, the show was spectacular. The camraderie with the myriad strangers surrounding me was almost palpable. Enough said. "Singing in the Rain"

Moonlight on Superior

Moonlight on Superior, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

ol·i·gar·chy   
[ol-i-gahr-kee] Show IPA
–noun, plural -chies.
1. a form of government in which all power is vested in a few persons or in a dominant class or clique; government by the few.
2. a state or organization so ruled.
3. the persons or class so ruling.

He who has all the marbles makes the rules. Some boys just never grow up. Some never want to admit that they started the game with more marbles and some certainly do not want to admit that the rules they have created favor them! Let's all pretend the playing field is equal. Let's pretend that the rules don't change to fit the meant-to-be-intended winner.

to·tal·i·tar·i·an·ism   
[toh-tal-i-tair-ee-uh-niz-uhm] Show IPA
–noun
1. the practices and principles of a totalitarian regime.
2. absolute control by the state or a governing branch of a highly centralized institution.
3. the character or quality of an autocratic or authoritarian individual, group, or government: the totalitarianism of the father.

I am taking my marbles and going home. If we don't play by my rules, then we can't play at all? I am sorry you weren't involved in establishing the rules. That is just the way that it is. The "rules makers" were fair and just and were able to see into the unknown future and anticipate your present situation. But you should not need special accomodations now, because that wouldn't be fair to the people who did all the people who played the game before you.

Do you have home insurance? Ever buy auto insurance and ask for a refund when you did not use it? Isn't Social Security an insurance/annuity plan that pays out if/when you need it?

Why is that if a business chooses to discriminate or not employ someone it is OK because businesses have the right to choose?

Are the "tax reformists" going to exclaim that we have too much spending next time, too and demand more tax cuts and less spending? What happens when there is no money for services, for roads, bridges and safety? Will we find a way to privatize our communities? Who will be served first then? Ask yourself these questions before you look at what needs to be cut next!

something or the other

Mottled Pattern
Originally uploaded by lucienphoto 

I am surrounded by unending conflict. I have it at home, in my community, and at my job. Everyone wants to blame someone else. My casework is exploding at my job because everybody needs to have it their way.

There does not appear to be an "us" in the midst of everyone looking after his/her own self interests. My wife is cancelling our vacation because she is feeling overwhelmed and is in conflict with someone close to us..No discussion, simply stating that she is cancelling the trip.  I am determined not to interfere. I have expressed my opinion (which is not in agreement with her) but I will not interfere.

She is planning to take off for the weekend because she is all stressed out. She isn't asking for help; just waiting until she "feels" overwhelmed and "abandoning ship" for a couple of days. Oh well, I think I (we) will be OK.

State of MN is in shutdown mode because the Governor and the Legislature can't reach agreement. More of the same. I think it could be pulled off if we all started caring for each other. Take that!

Dimensions

I was thinking about the complexity of the human being while pondering why the USA is caught in the whirlpool of persistent bickering.  Sometimes we agree about this or that, but more often than not I think we don't use our full human potential for problem solving.  I see that we have a technological dimension.  We create and destroy using our technology.  We put immense effort and money into developing our technology.  We value technology.  But we have other important dimensions that have not kept pace with our technology.  We have a spiritual dimension.  It is a mystical and unscientific portion of our completeness that we often minimize or ignore.  We also have a cultural dimension.  In this country we have cultural separateness and cultural togetherness.  These sub-dimensions criss-cross each other as we continue to define our unique personal, and geographical cultures.

Our cultural and spiritual dimensions have not kept pace with our technology.  I think it is part of the massive problem here.

Rain Slicked Streets of Minneapolis

Rain Slicked Streets of Minneapolis, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

It is summer in Minneapolis. Hot days and warm nights. The AC runs and the compressor outside hums along. Mosquitos are starting to be a problem. The grass is growing. The early coolness and freshness of spring has turned into the ongoing problem of keeping cool, moving as much air around myself as I can. I sleep at night with a fan blowing. It gently rattles and reverberates on the cold tile of the en suite 1/2 bath.

I waken to some cooler air in the morning just after and sometimes just before sunrise. Twittering birds let me know that the day will be starting much like every other day. The falling rain whispers sibilantly and mutes the myriad sounds of bees and bugs.

A nice summer rain comes and cools the blistering humid day and makes the evening bearable. Friday comes and goes on the beginning of a holiday weekend. We start the weekend with hope that we will have fun. Dinner, movie, keeping cool. Saturday comes along and the anticipation of fireworks comes sneaking through the shades and curtains in the house.

Shut Down

Dear Minnesota Citizens

It is with deep regret that I tell you that your government has ceased to function.  Politicization of government has overshadowed the responsibilities of your duly elected representatives to lead and provide specific services to the populace.  Demagoguery has taken your leaders by the brains and instead of sharing and caring we have the ever prevalent grabbing for the perceived last toy in the sandbox.

Your neighbors may be out of work for a spell.  Do not worry about them because they should have been better prepared for this anticipated down turn in the economy.  If they have been frugal they will have set aside a significant portion of their income for this rainy day.  Corporate America pays a living wage for all who labor and toil, even though the evil government continues to over regulate, over tax and make extremely unrealistic demands on how this private entities should be managed.

Your church will likely pick up the slack for the dearth of services to the poor, needy, vulnerable and homeless.  It is the Christian thing to do.  Of course, you should have a say as to how your money is allocated because you would not wish to be implicit in funding abortions, divorce, drug abuse, homosexuality or terrorism.  And it is unpatriotic to care for illegal aliens who are stealing jobs from our hardworking good Christian neighbors.

By the way, please feel free to come by and join us for the union-bashing, anti-government, 4th of July celebration being held now in our backyard because the state park is closed.

You've Got Mail

The world has changed so much in the last 35 years since I graduated from high school. We have personal computers, smart phones, the internet, HDTV. As a society we have made huge technological leaps. Unfortunately, we have not made similar progress socially. The gap between haves and have-nots continues to grow. The poor become more isolated and desperate. The rich live the lives of kings and sultans. If our older societies can teach us anything, we should pay attention to what the media has called the "Arab Spring". The people fight the awful, life-consuming oppression and choose death or uncertainty before slavery. Since we do it better and faster here in the US, we are likely to reach this point in an accelerated fashion as well. We are the new age of "de". We are de-funding some program or another, finding ways to destabilize economies, decreasing this or that. Imagine if we were making investments in ourselves, our neighbors, our cities, our communities.

Highway to ...

Life is full of surprises. Sometimes you are sure that you are doing the right thing. Saving money, spending little on yourself. Then someone tells you that they hate you; that they feel like you do not show them enough respect. It is like being at work all over again. Someone always testing your limits. Making sure that they keep you emotionally raw and confused.

It does not take much these days to disrupt a night of sleep. Fumble for the couch and a pillow so that you don't disturb all the other people in the house. All you can really do is scratch your head in awe and watch the mayhem unroll.

Now instead of feeling rested and prepared to again descend into the rabbit hole, I am weary and bone-tired, knowing that I am going to court tomorrow with all the posturing, pretending and pusillamity. I will be OK. I will be OK.

Waiting

Waiting, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I really love to watch people waiting. We wait in line. We wait for others. We wait to do things. I wonder what goes on in the mind of the waiter. I was waiting for someone at the train station, watching others waiting for someone also. This one just captured me.

Pink and Green

Pink and Green, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

If wisdom and diamonds grew on the same tree we could soon tell how much men loved wisdom. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays, 1911

More Is Not Always Better

Every day I go to work. Every day I touch lives. Every day I make a difference.

I can't always be sure that this is the day that will change all this.

I do know that I can choose to give my all or simply do a half-baked job.

Do what you can with what you have.

Don't worry about some or all if you have already done your best.

Most often we will have another chance to excel.

Beatrice Meets Joe Jones

I spent part of the day reading Anne Lamott's Joe Jones. An artful and happy look into the lives of people's lives intersecting at a cafe. Part of the smile on my mother's face may have been the story itself, but I think she found real joy in hearing a voice she knows speaking to her. It was not the TV, or the radio. It was a voice that her mind knows. A voice she can resonate with through the fog of her age and illness. It is a voice that she has heard change. It is the voice of love.

Turn off the TV and open a book. Read for yourself, read to your children (or somebody's children) and read to your parents. Opening a book can open your mind. Opening a book can take you to new places. Opening a book can ease your pain, give you laughter and joy. Opening a book can enable you to experience life through the eyes of another.

Atlanta

I am visiting with my mother in Atlanta for a few days. I was here last year about the same time and my sister took me for Chinese food to a fantastic restaurant. I can't remember what I had last year for the main course, but I do recall having the Garlic Shrimp Rolls for an appetizer. The staff seem to know their clientele and greet them by name. The service is impeccable with a wonderful bar or table seating arrangement. The lighting is soft and conducive to conversation and the noise level is quite reasonable.

I ate the Curry Chicken last night. The vegetables were crisp, the spices fresh and not overwhelming. The chicken was excellent quality and the presentation wonderful. I highly recommend stopping by for a pleasant dining experience.

Frost

Frost, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I live in a world that is a total paradox. I want my children to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. They have access to information on the internet and through their smart phones. They have opportunities that I could only dream of. That is my reality.

Their reality is completely different. I do not understand it in the least. My daughter who is now 16 and counting does not work, will not lift a hand around the house for anyone other than herself. She refuses to engage in discussion or conversation UNLESS she wants something. She wants a ride to the credit union to get holiday shopping money (I put the allowance directly into savings for both kids). I told her she would have to find something to do for at least a couple of hours so I can work some today. Her response, total disgust and surprise. "What am I going to do?" My response, "Maybe you could get your shopping done, as you will be in DT Minneapolis!" She walked away.

When they ask a simple dictionary or reference question, I refer them to the appropriate "app" on the smart phones they both use. If they want to discuss something I am happy to offer an opinion...but my job is not to give answers. I think my job is to 1) provide them with access to the information (our house is completely wireless and both have their own laptops) and, 2) help them think through where, how and why the answer might be what they found.

But I guess I am alone in this. Creative thought and desire for knowledge appear to have fled the scene. Hope we can track it down.

Togetherness

We try to be nice to each other. We act as if there really is a relationship with my teenaged daughter, but we can't really communicate with each other. We have different agendas. My agenda involves preparing her to leave our house, with all the skills and resources she needs to be successful. Try as I might, I am not able to persuade her that getting a job and getting her life "organized" is a good start. I know that today I will get a frantic phone call from her, asking me to deviate from my schedule in order to accomodate her. I give her the tools she needs, and she chooses not to use them. I give and she takes. I suggest and she ignores. I plead and she cries harrassment. I ask and I am put on hold. Everything is more important than the relationship that I have groomed over the years. She threatens to leave and I challenge her to hit the bricks. It is not what I want, but the anger and frustration boils over inside and I let out the hurt.

Thanks

Thanksgiving. A time to stop and give thanks for ...Black Friday, Cyber Monday, football. I am sure that is why people traveled hundreds and thousands of miles. To stand in line to get more of what we do not need. To have a chance to be seen. To catch a cold. To make new friends. To ogle. Cease fires are like this. The Democrats and Republicans continue to snark at each other. The president gets a bloody nose playing a bit of basketball on holiday and it becomes fodder for the feud. Former first lady speaks out with her opinion and the infighting ensues. Left vs right. Polemic politics. It will be the demise of our civilization. Did this happen in Greece, China, Mesopotamia, Egypt? Did the constant bickering just end the process of growth and progress?

I have a neighbor that is doing good. That will not get national attention, because it will not sell. I have friends that have created non-profits to assist those less able, and they will get nothing heard or said about them. I work with hard-working yet poor people everyday. They get up, go to work and pay their bills. They have not benefited from bailout money or mortgage reform. They buy groceries and coffee and keep the engine of this society moving.

It is to them that I offer my thanks. May each and everyone of us stop; take a moment and simply thank our neighbor, our police, our mayor, our Main Street business owners.

Opacity

Opacity, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

What's wrong with lettting or telling our kids to take the bus. We change our schedules to accomodate their daily needs. We provide them with bikes and scooters that sit in garages. We drive them to the corner store, the mall, the game stores (while we hear that we are all overweight). We hear them plan and scheme with their friends, well knowing that those plans are ersatz plans to provide cover for the genuine plans.

We lament that they will not find jobs, while laundry piles up, walks remain unshoveled, dishes overflow in the sink. Dust bunnies float around our sofas, and the TV screens they so love are tuned to channels and presentations we wish they would not watch. Tell them to take the bus. Take the bus to the museum; to the library; to a convalescent center. Take the bus to window shop at a gallery. Take the bus to the free music at the conservatory or the university in your area. Take the bus to the arboretum and learn about botany or landscape design. Take the bus to the river front or lake shore and contemplate life. Skip stones. Feed the birds bread crumbs.

Take the bus to see the city. Take the bus to a farm. Take the bus and learn something new!

Tufts

Winter Sweater, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I make a lot of photos. I like to see the world through the back of a camera. A bit of microcosmic view of the big world that I see everyday. Some people like big sweeping landscapes. I like the details of the landscape. That tuft of snow on the tree branch. I like the earring on the headshot portrait. I like the eyelashes in a shot.

I also get asked to look at many photos. It is a tough job, not because the photos are not technically or artistically good. It is tough because everyone has a different interpretation of what he or she finds pleasing. Ask yourself what you like in your photography. Details, color, composition, subject matter. Find a way to emphasize that in your photos.

Faded Red Dodge

Faded Red Dodge, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Sometimes when life is stressful you have to make small changes, not massive ones. I stopped and took a few frames of this truck yesterday, even though I knew I had a stack of important work on my desk. I like the color and the shapes. Did it help? Maybe. I did have just a couple of minutes of joy in the midst of all the negative attack ads, the constant bickering about who is right about the economy, and lamenting about the proposed health care reform.

Focus on what is right in the world, even if just for a few minutes. I can tell you that it can alter your perspective. We have more in common that we dare believe. Practice loving yourself, and maybe loving your "neighbor" will be easier.

Contemplation

Contemplation, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

If one might contemplate all that parenthood can mean, it might reduce the chance of over population. People will surprise you. Not that anyone can predict what will happen. Life is a risk...daily.

Spotted Lilly

Spotted Lilly, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

there is beauty all around us
if we simply open our eyes
our hearts and our minds

take time to stop and watch the clouds
in the sky and reflections in the water.

enjoy the honest and simple smile
of the tow-headed snaggle-toothed child

listen to the sounds of crickets and buzzing
bees, fluttering butterflies dashing darts.

flowers dancing back and forth in the gentle
summer breeze.

there is beauty everywhere. if we just slow
down for a simple minute. We can choose.

Blame Game

abstract, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

We are all sitting, waiting, watching to see when President Obama and/or British Petroleum are able to stop the gush (it is not a leak, people) of oil into the gulf. We are looking to blame someone, as always here. We are not solution-focused, but blame-seeking. Assigning blame makes it easier for us to litigate later.

We are all to blame. Living in excessively large homes, driving out multitude of cars. We wait for the oil companies to make us want to change. They do that by raising oil barrel prices and we whine and complain about how much of our limited and shrinking budgets go for petroleum products and the by products of said petroleum.

We choose synthetic materials over natural ones.

We choose SUVs and large horsepower autos over fuel efficient means of transportation. We choose our political leaders in such a way as to reinforce our need for speed, greed, and lucre.

We look at the devastation of small economies and we pitch in to help mega-corporations with their pittances set aside to put an end to WHAT.

We sit at home in front of our big screen and LCD or plasma entertainment centers and watch how it is THERE. W e complain that the BIG government should be doing MORE now to stop this while still fuming that BIG government is sucking the very lifeblood out of us.

It is you and me. My neighbors and yours. It is our way of life. The way we ask forgiveness rather than seek permission. It is the assumption that we (humans) are able to DO and UNDO as we choose. We laugh at the challenges but continue to build. We momentarily think about ecosystems, but prostrate ourselves for the all mighty dollar.

Think about this the next time you get ready to zip on over to Walmart for another ____________. What is the real impact of your purchase on this planet; on your neighborhood; on someone's livelihood?

Summer Solstice

Get the Point, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

It is an important day in the year. It is the turning point. The day in which all days following it are shorter than it. Light is essential. Our lives depend on light for food production, for work, for everything that we do. Yesterday might have been the longest day of my life. The demands are unrealistic. Estate matters, personal family matters. Work is more than i can stomach at this time. I am at the point of emotional exhaustion. Everybody always wants something, but not willing to exchange. Just to take. Time, money, hope, dreams.

I have become my own nightmare. Frazzled, without sufficient energy to do what I want. Giving because I always feel as if I have received more; thus I should be willing to give to those less fortunate than I have been. Seems today that there are considerable many who are willing to take and take and take. Enlightenment has become entitlement.

No more. I need my calm self back. Today is the turning point.

Yellow

Yellow, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I love the quiet of weekend mornings. No rushing from here to there; no need to stuff my face or swill the coffee. I am sitting here simply listening to the sounds of my house. Hum of the refrigerator; the buzz of a window fan; the sounds of a gentle summer breeze that is actually more visually evident than aurally. I am grateful that I can have these peaceful moments before the rush of getting to places takes over. Happy Fathers' Day, one and all.

Unchain My Heart

My nearly 16-year-old daughter has made up her mind that she is capable of making all of her life decisions. She wants to go to Lincoln, NE for the summer. She wants to spend all of the summer there. Cold and heartless. She wants to go and stay with her foster mom...as long as we take care of all her medical, dental, financial, therapeutic and social needs from here.

Location, Location, Location

Location, Location, Location, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

We live in a different world today. We replace; we don't repair. We upgrade just because we can afford to do. We eat out rather than eat together. We are keeping up with the Palins and the Bachmanns. We listen to those people who espouse our ideals rather than keeping an open mind. We laugh (sometimes under our breath) at those who are different than we are.

We seek the new; the novel rather than tried and true. We always think of ourselves first and the others later (if at all). Kindness is something we are the recipients of, yet seldom the givers of. What is wrong with us?

I wish I had the answer.

Memorials

For at least a couple of weeks now I have been contemplating the holiday weekend. A photo shoot; time to simply sit and relax for a bit. The work week mornings have been incredible. I get up early enough to hear the birds twitter. The days have been great weather-wise. Today is Saturday, May 29, 2010. BP may have finally stopped the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Minneapolis is on a record-setting pace for murders. Gary Coleman died. Earlier this month Lena Horne died. I am getting old.

But the reason I am writing today is simple. There are so many people that have greater expectations for others than they do for themselves. President Obama is allegedly foregoing the DC Memorial Day tribute to be on vacation (near family and friends in Illinois). Rumor is that President Obama will be at a Memorial Day celebration near where he is vacationing. That simply is not good enough for many. Additionally, this man is under so much pressure to cap the oil spill in the Gulf; resolve the financial/employment problems here in the US and just getting something done.

It's BP's oil spill, but now the people are ranting that the government should step in and address the problem. We want small government with minimal interference but we also want the government to be by our side when tragedy happens. We can't have it both ways. Why can't we elect leaders instead of politicians; trust the leaders we elected and go on about our daily lives? Why can't we let the press keep us informed as to how the politicians are doing and enjoy the fruits of our productivity?

May I?

Mother, May I?, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

They all start out cute, cuddly, compliant. They grow up and become their own person. Sometimes we are pleased with the results. Sometimes we are not happy. Each child is her/his own person. At some point each has the unique right to destroy/build according to his/her own design a life. Our job as parents is to give them the tools to do this and hope for the best. That is the true test. Ask yourself, have you given the child the tools that you think will be needed to make good choices? Have you been as attentive as you could be? At some point they may no longer ask permission.

Crossing Over

Crossing Over, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

I am at the crossroads of many things in my life. My daughter is growing up and growing away. I think too fast; she thinks I am dull and overcautious. I think she is unrealistic about her skills and abilities. Ultimately the decision will be hers. She is too big to do much with these days. Reasoning is what I have as my tool right now. We see things differently. She sees unlimited opportunity and I see possibilities but those possibilities have challenges associated with them. The baggage she carries worries me.

My challenge then is to let go and see what kind of help I need to be prepared to offer, if any at all.

My days are filled with distress and despair. The families are hurting. Few services are available to them and they squirm and fall deeper into an abyss of dysfunction and isolation. Poverty sucks.

But today I am sitting at the MSP airport waiting for a flight to ATL to visit with my mother. Hopefully this will be a good trip. She is stronger than she has been for some time now. The potassium that was sucking the energy out of her has been eliminated from her meds and her diet. Adelante.

Say What

My work consumes a ton of energy. My work is about kids and families. Sometimes we are successful with changing the relationships and sometimes not. I picked up my own child today. We were talking (a semi-serious conversation) about something she wants to do. Chirp goes her phone. She is busy texting her friends back. I just shut down. We talked last week about how she does not feel like I pay attention to her. She told her therapist she wants to work on our relationship but she is not willing to do anything at all. I have to make all the advances. I have to make all the changes. I have to give when there is an impasse. I have to do what she wants to do, lest she run again.

She lied about Mothers's Day. She lied about getting her mid-quarter grades. She seems to have trouble accepting what others may think of as true. She doesn't want to protect my feelings. She seems to want to protect her own. Say what!?

...I hate you.

those three words...are uttered in total frustration from a teen daughter who thinks her cell phone is her birthright. For me it just signifies the ongoing objectification of relationships. My frustration stems from the "expectation" that she turn it off at 9:00 p.m. weekdays and 11:00 or so on weekends. But the data shows that she has 1) texted all night with friends (then was too tired for school) 2) talked all night with friends 3) texted during school hours 4) goodness knows what else since I can't as easily track her web use.

Shrieks the daughter...I am almost 16 and I pay for my phone. Must be a debt paid in expletives and piles of laundry on the floor of her bedroom or unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink.

Part of me relishes the idea that my punishment will be that she will "hole up" in her bedroom trading tragic stories with her teenaged girlfriends. Part of me longs for the simpler days when homes had but one phone and maybe a long cord for "privacy" and text was something seen in a newspaper, magazine article or a book.

But I am half-way through the tough times with this one if she keeps her promise to vacate the premises on her 18th birthday. But I have a son who will just be entering those volatile and vitriolic years as well. Time will tell. Time will tell.

Interest

Rayas, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Usu·ry
Pronunciation: \ˈyü-zhə-rē, ˈyüzh-rē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural usu·ries
Etymology: Middle English usurie, from Anglo-French, from Medieval Latin usuria, alteration of Latin usura, from usus, past participle of uti to use
Date: 14th century
1 archaic : interest
2 : the lending of money with an interest charge for its use; especially : the lending of money at exorbitant interest rates
3 : an unconscionable or exorbitant rate or amount of interest; specifically : interest in excess of a legal rate charged to a borrower for the use of money

We have come a long way here in the USA. Bankers and financial institutions feel that they are above the law. When did it become conscionable to charge users outrageous amounts of interest and pay executives outlandishly exorbitant amounts of money, but pay the stakeholders (savings, CDs, etc) such a pittance? When did we lose our interest in fairness? When did it become acceptable to be a robber baron again? Some say it never changed. I wonder how much longer the great institutions will practice usury? How much money will they spend on fighting financial reform? How will they find a way to tighten the screws on Joe the Plumber now? Joe, will of course, blame liberals, who he thinks are stealing his hard earned money. Hopefully, Joe will wake up in time to hear that instead of loaning small business men (like him) funds to operate, they choose to hide the money in sleazy "investments" like derivatives and hedge funds and losing portfolios, while counter investing in something else. Both ends against the middle.

More importantly, when is middle-America going to awaken from the trance and take back what Wall Street has taken from them? When will Mom and Pop and Sis and Bro get a fair interest rate on the savings? When will they have credit cards that they can actually use in emergencies?

Rayas

Rayas, originally uploaded by lucienphoto.

Living by the code of silence. Wiped out by life, work, executor responsibilities. I can't sleep, my appetite is down. My head won't stop spinning and I am feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully the siblings will respond and I can move along with the monster list of tasks.