Cheek Bones

Dazed
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

as i sit here quietly in the morning the house begins to awaken. i hear the a/c kick in. will it be a hot day today? i am listening to the constant gurgle of the aereator in the toad's tank and the water bubbling through the filter in the fish tank. the computer carries it's own low drone and right now i hear a plane outside the window. my wife moans and inwardly complains of her aches and pains. she makes sure that i hear her. i should offer a peaceful compassionate something in her direction - i am not sure what it should be.

so what does this have to do with cheek bones. everything and nothing. S was so patient with all the makeup artists that morning. it gave me pause to think about what people go through for society and for acceptance. i am not sure that many men would subject themselves to such torture. the end result might justify the process of getting there.

competition and wonder.
splendor and grace.
triumphantly we watch
as the soldiers all take their place

grace and pressure under fire
they say. do we really know any
other way? we fight, we love, we struggle
it's true. who am i
and who are you? simple reflections
of what they want us to be!

smart, reliable, simple and free.

4 Things

something interesting that i will share with you all. the world really is connected by X degrees of separation. some of us are closer to 6 degrees than others. some perhaps much closer and some not so close.

here is an entry by my ex
http://kitchenlogic.diaryland.com/

i think it is a good idea.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
probation officer
divorce mediator
child protection social worker
bicycle delivery for pharmacist

Four movies I would watch over and over :
Shawshank Redemption
Red
Back to the Future
Chocolat

Four places you have lived:
Memphis, TN
Mankato, MN
Evanston, IL
Minneapolis, MN

Four TV shows you love to watch:
Stargate SG-1
Stargate - Atlantis
ER
Any CSI show

Four places you have been on vacation:
Greece
Gautemala
Spain
Bahamas

Four of my favorite foods:
Grilled Salmon
Greek Salad
Chicken Salad
Cheesecake

Four songs that remind me of summer
Little Deuce Coup (Beach Boys)
17 (Janis Ian)
Summer (George Winston)
You've Got a Friend (Carole King)

Four places I would rather be right now:
New Mexico
Iceland
Greece
Ghana

Four readers of this journal who should do their own meme:
I am not sure I have any readers.

Reflections on Summer

purpleness
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

we are moving into the later stage of summer. sounds of cicadas outside in the evening with their incredible song. the light is beautiful at the end of my work day and the sunrises are more achievable for me. this is a good time in life. festivals and interestings hues and beautiful light. i can't really say it enough. this part of the summer is when the earth begins to parch a bit. we survived because i was too busy to cut grass. we survived because the grass was long enough not to get sunburned. what a mess it was though when i cut. first i cut; let it dry for day and then i raked and raked and raked. most of the clippings ended up in the compost bin.

summer is a burst of energy. we race about doing this and that. trying to squeeze more activities into a day than there are hours. we wince and moan about opportunities we missed; sometimes so much that we miss the opportunity that is present. ever stop to watch a butterfly or a grasshopper? i do. ever rush to get to the lake when there is plenty of wildlife right in your own backyard or basement? i know i do. what if we took the time to become more "familiar" with what is already familiar to us? watch another "old movie" instead of rushing off to the new release. when was the last time you really watched Casablanca?

We're Done

To End
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

Bride and Matron of Honor from shoot at Macy's on Friday. I met them at the hair salon and we shot away while the bride got her hair done...she was actually quite chatty while she sat under the dryer. I learned quite a bit about her. I find that as the photographer gets to know the subject the photos present themselves. She is a co-worker so we already had a good start. she wanted to know if we were going to pose or have more candids. i told her that i would prefer to just shoot. it worked. this is the final result of one part of the shoot. nice wedding, too!

Cousin II

Cousin II
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

this little man is determined - he loves watching the older boys playing on the field. this was one of those moments when he was "caught" sitting still with his aunt. i recently saw him again at his cousin's park birthday party. determined to swim with the older boys. i hope he keeps this indomitable spirit and his parents offer both encouragement and realistic expectations.

After the Rain (saturated)

After the Rain (saturated)
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

It rained here tonight. It rained all day. My soul was flooded with the rain of tears from my job. Great sadness today as I compromised the life and livelihood of another child. Temptation remains great to "make a deal" so that the case goes away. That was not our issue today. We had a trial. We could have proceeded, but we might have lost as the judge is the sole arbiter of the facts. This particular judge is quite well known for his compassion for the parents.

It is actually raining again. Mother Nature is making up for lost time. Like she was caught and entrapped - unable to assume her charge for replenishing this earth. She seeks balance now. Can we make the sacrifices that are required? Pray that we can!

Perspective

Perspective
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

it all depends on your perspective. Lebanon and Israel. I have heard the arguments and agree that both sides have some valid concerns. When do we stop killing the innocent? Blood has spilled on both sides. This is worse than the Hatfields and the McCoys.

New Order

New Order
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

So many of us see the world in terms of simple Black and White; Yes or No; Right or WrongThese kind of polemical discussions serve little purpose in achieving harmony. We allow our differences to define us. It really is not necessary. Here is one definition of Polemics: Function: noun
Etymology: French polémique, from Middle French, from polemique controversial, from Greek polemikos warlike, hostile, from polemos war; perhaps akin to Greek pelemizein to shake, Old English ealfelo baleful
Date: 1638 1 a : an aggressive attack on or refutation of the opinions or principles of another b : the art or practice of disputation or controversy -- usually used in plural but sing. or plural in constr.
2 : an aggressive controversialist

The world as we know it won't survive another World War. There are too many disputants now. Christian vs Muslim vs Jew vs Rich vs Poor vs Western vs Eastern or Third World (where is the 2nd World?) vs ________________. What about our common humanity? Why can't we remove our masks and allow each other to see our common humanity?

I have more in common with those most unlike me than I would care to admit. Physically we are created so similarly. I choose to shed the false masks that I have worn. I will be neither Democrat nor Republican; I will embrace my humanit as well as yours. I will accept that your experiences are uniquely personal and while different than mine are no less valid. I will see you for who you are, not who I want you to be in my reality. I will leave my solipsism long enough to taste another bite of this great grape vine of our lives.

Trial Coverage

i spent the entire day in court, except lunch with my co-worker. i was first on the stand. both Mom and Dad are sitting in the courtroom. i am looking them both square in the face when i state with no equanamity that it is in their children's best interests that their parental rights be terminated. i am already overcome by sadness. it almost feels as if i have failed. there must have been something that i could have done that would have convinced this mother that drinking would only lead to her ruin. that the slippery sloppy slope of sloe gin and O'Douls would eventually mean that someone else was going to have to parent her children. but i was done testifying much more quickly than i ever have. the public defender barely had any questions of me. no, i have not seen his client intoxicated. no, i have no evidence that the beer she had would lead to a relapse.

Dad is recalled to the stand. he is discredited by 1) a review of his criminal history, which includes multiple assaults on mom, eventually resulting in a prison conviction; 2) the flawed testimony in which he recounts that he has not been given information about his case plan, although he signed the plan and acknowledged receipt of that plan almost one year ago. he is given one final opportunity to recant the statement that he shared with me and the FP about mom's drinking. he is reminded that perjury is a felony, that could result in the revocation of his parole (remember the domestic abuse prison conviction). he pauses much too long while he ponders the consequences for himself. he swears that he never shared that information with me. but it is too late. all the professionals, including the judge, have already noted the pregnant poignant moment.

we are not yet quite done. more in August.

Value of Family

If there is anyone out there who reads this, today is a special day. See my first published photoessay here UtataSpeaks. This project means so much to me. Family has become a truly meaningful part of my existence. I work with families. I see the despair and destruction of families. I pray for the healing of families.

Annoyed

Annoyed
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

Strange things happened today. One of my clients lied. He bald-faced got on the sworn-in-witness chair and lied. I was flummoxed. He got caught in that lie. It was painful to watch this convicted domestic abuse just out of prison felon squirm as he realized he had been caught.

I called a client simply to speak with her today. She answered the phone and proceeded to tell me she was indisposed. She was not that delicate but I got the message. I asked if she wanted to talk then and she sounded surprised. I had already told her that her condition was more than I needed to know. She agreed to call me back.

I called another client late in the day. The person who answered the phone heard my voice and hung up. I dialed a second time and this person hung up again. The third time I called I decided to state my business purpose for calling the telephone number. The response was [urban vernacular] "She on the ho stroll makin' me my money". I had to think about this. I asked what he (I now know it was a male voice) said and he had already hung up. I sat there stunned for a monent trying to deciper what he had said. Hopefully, I got it. "She is on the Whore Stroll (Prostituting herself) making me my money [earning a regular beating when she comes in for not really allowing herself to be abused] [meta-message {I am her pimp} square boy] and don't call here anymore.

How was your day today?

Trial

Chicken Sculpture
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

Again in the middle of a multiple day trial. I have to sit across the table from the mother that I will be testifying about as an unfit parent. Makes my stomach do cartwheels.

Maybe if I am lucky we can have some sort of semi-settlement. What would I settle for? How is that possibly in the best interests of the children? What part of unfit do I fail to understand. This is not some kind of political mumbo-jumbo. I do not have a spin doctor (publicist) that can re-phrase my thoughts into a positive light.

Here are the basics:

She drinks to excess to often.
When she drinks she does mean things to her children like fighting with them.
She has a history of horribly abusive relationships. If she can't protect herself and excercise clear judgment about the relationships, how can I trust that she will look after the vulnerable children?
She is manipulative!
She refuses to accept that any of the above is true (even only at times).
She burned her own house down while arguing with her drunk and abusive boyfriend.
She doesn't really want to parent the children. She has been making deals for more than a year now. Somebody else take care of them, and I will be ready in about one year. Ican't imagine telling those kids they have to wait to see if their mother is ready to love and care for them.

Half way home

 
 
 
 


it has already been a summer of consumption...soccer, family, parties, emotions, money, time, energy. i am looking forward to autumn so that i can have a bit of rest. soccer was at least twice a week; there was a basketball camp; a college tour for the twelve year old; gymnastics camp; articulture for a week. we had sleepovers and almost sleepovers - you know when the kids are ready to go home, it is easier just to take them, even if it is the middle of the night. i had a quick trip to Atlanta to visit with my sisters and mother - and to discuss an ASSISTED LIVING facility. that issue is still not resolved. i have to take sleepover Sally home by 12 noon...it is 11:50 a.m. right now. 

Out There

Especially in Michigan
Originally uploaded by prakope.

I know I should be grateful and gracious and patient and kind. I was Boy Scout and I have been thoroughly indoctrinated into the halls of gentemanhood. Yet, I am tired. Tired of people making threats and promises; tired of the open hostility that so many of us carry around with us. It is just too hard for me to make it through a day without seeing something ugly. This bridge is the crossing into a fantasy land. A place I could go and live like Peter Pan. No worries mate. I understand that this place simply doesn't exist, but I can still dream about, eh? Where would you go if you simply needed rest and respite from your worries?

Sam

 

This is the maternal grandfather that I never knew. He had died while my mother was young. She was raised by her saintly mother and older siblings. Now my mother is getting old. I took this from the wall in her home and made a copy of it for all the siblings. My mother is adamant that we not take her picture. I will have to disobey her. We have so very few of them that I realize that my children (her grandchildren) are not really going to know the strong independent and intelligent woman that I grew up with. We hope she can come to live with us for a spell. No word yet from the anti-social worker. It is quite disheartening that we have to spend our limited family resources going through these awful motions. We really are not asking much. Let grandmother spend some time with her youngest grandchildren. I am fairly certain she would not want to spend winters here anyway. But what a great place to spend the summer. We have a nice backyard and a deck and mosquitos galore now that it has rained. We have a grill and great neighbors and a wonderful neighborhood. We live on a quiet street. We have these awesome trees in our yard. Let grandmother come here until October 12, and then she can go elsewhere for the winter. I have a sister in Memphis who will gladly allow her to live there. I have a brother in Louisville, KY who will be glad to have his mother in his home. I have a sister in Atlanta who will gladly have our mother in her home. I have two sisters in Atlanta, though, who seem hell bent on making sure Mom is away from all possible family and love. I think they are just tired of being involved with her day to day. I think they have forgotten how we as a family have struggled through the bad times. I think they have too much faith in a corrupt and overwhelmed system that will warehouse our mother. I think they think they know best. I think they are wrong. Why can't we just give some of the alternatives a try before we put her out to pasture? I wish I knew.

Wonder what Sam would say? Wonder what Carter G would have to say about this? See, Sam is related to Carter G Woodson somehow or the other. At least that is the story I have been told all these years.

This is the same woman that cared for me when I was asthmatic and overwrought and tired and desolate. I think I could do the same for her for a few years. What do you think? 

The Majestic

The Majestic
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

i came back recently from a week on the road. i drove to Hotlanta to visit with siblings and to check in on my mother. Two of the sibs are ready to place dear ol' Mom into an assisted living facility. they wish to do this inspite of it being against my mother's wishes and that three of her biological children and one non-biological child are willing to have mom live in one of the other homes. so i met with the anti-social worker who presented a modified set of lies to me. i even tried to get her engaged into alternatives to AL, but it appears she has made up her mind. social services are worlds apart on opposite sides of the Mason-Dixon line. i have to repeatedly advise my clients of their rights and we have something we like to think of as open disclosure. if my client is not doing quite so well, i tell him/her so that they do not feel blind-sided when we go to court. i asked for the anti-social worker's summary of the family meeting in writing and she simply refused. i asked for a listing of AL and she ignored my request.

not easily daunted, i found the websites and the physical office space of agencies that WOULD assist me and i was able to get what i needed. the dreaded four have now officially declined to move mom to AL and countered that she may live with any one of the four of us. i started the search for services here before i left Hotlanta and had an email response on my desk when i arrived yesterday.

this restaurant has been in the area for some time. i love old diners and prefer non-franchised places to eat. it has an old time feel to it. the food while not spectacular was good. i would love to go for a late night/early morning visit as i believe the clientele will have changed. it is an easy find - right there on Ponce de Leon not far from the glitzy central core of Atlanta. stray from The Underground and Coca-Cola for a spell and see more of the real thing.

Sweetness

Sweetness
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

i was worried. this was my first paid child portrait. heck, it was my first portrait session, period. mom was 45 minutes late getting here. i thought maybe she changed her mind and simply wanted to go to ProEx or JCPenney portrait studio. i dutifully set up my lights and a backdrop and had my wife pose so i could set the background light and the mainlight. it worked. although this was not perfect, it was damn close. that little studio lighting class really was worth every penny i paid to attend. meet my little model. her mother is my wife's friend. she and her husband just recently signed the divorce papers. i have been offering them both some portraits of their darling daughter for months now. mom decided to give it a shot. i made her an incredible offer - cheap setting fee and you can keep the disc. i agreed to shoot some medium format as well. i hope to leave those negatives to be developed tomorrow and pick up early next week. my little angel squirmed and fretted but settled down and apart from the flash burn on her arms, all things came out fairly well. i wish i had been able to keep the flower in the frame, but i was actually watching her face instead. live and learn. hey, want a cheap portrait before my prices go up?

Be a Pepper

 

my family is currently embroiled in conflict regarding the care of my mother. the police, the court system and now social services are involved. this all happens some 14 hours away from where i live. only 3 by plane. my sisters are probably weary of the unending tasks associated with caring for our mother. she needs constant attention and has both elements of dementia and paranoia that she experiences. i am guessing on a really bad day, they have to deal with both of these extreme emotional states.

now my younger sister, the lawyer, and my oldest sister took my other sister to court for abusing my mother. i know that emotions are running hot because this made my blood boil. i was thinking things and having blurred vision while my father told me about all this. he really wants me to get this situation under control quickly. i have some ideas but i am not sure anyting i have to say can remedy this situation. there is some considerable embarrassment because we have traditionally been a quiet unassuming and emotionally reserved family. public humiliation and exposure of even this sort feels like we are preparing for the Jerry Springer show. i am shocked that my sisters did this, but i have to tell myself that they must have felt desperate. desperation is the enemy of the thinking person. it starves the mind of reason. now we are exposed and the lines will have been drawn. my job as social worker and middle child is to find a way to extricate us from this horrible ignominy. 

Winding Down

 
it was a tough week. first time in a very long time i was ready to walk away from my job. have asked myself what i could have done differently. i am not sure that i could have made a difference here. the trial loss combined with the supervisory change and family problems leaves me feeling almost overwhelmed. no rest. calls to make and always more work. after yesterday i knew i needed to simply wind down. seeing that little girl cry was more than i could take. her terror becomes my shame. her fear remains on my consciousness. her pending reality is a drain on my emotional resources. if the buck does not stop here, then where does this all end? 

Portal

Portal
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

the portal represents the Twilight Zone that I work in. This place is a TZ because the rules are different and never predictable. Here is my situation. I lost my first TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) trial last month. The judge took about a month to make her decision. I was flummoxed when she came back with a TPR on mom and a return to custody on dad.

We were granted a few weeks to re-integrate this child into dad's home with Protective Supervision and an opportunity to evaluate the safety of the home for the child. Grandmother changed her mind...that meant I had to look at immediate reunification. My conscience was bothering me. "What part of Child Protection did i fail to understand? FAST FORWARD. The judge orders reunification within 3-4 weeks beginning with in home supervised visitation. The Guardian ad Litem and I show up with the child; the father refuses to allow the GAL to enter and I cancel the visit. BTW, he has requested a new CPSW because...you fill in the blank. STALEMATE.

By Any Other Name

Rose
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

there is a rat here in Denmark. it has come through the back door of our hearts. toxic family interactions, lying, cheating, scheming. all for some or part of my mother's estate. she has severe dementia...not Alzheimer's, but a dementia brought on by too many years of not taking care of herself - sacrificing for her children and family. who knows what nutritional deficits my mother faced? what i do know is that something is really rotten when family members can't talk with each other and have to have a social worker intervene to resolve what should be relatively simple. let's see - my family consists of a teacher, an attorney, a pastor, a social worker and an educator. if we can't resolve our family issues, i know what will happen. the prospect frightens me. it is not easy being on the other side of the Looking Glass, Alice.

the alternative is allow other people to make decisions for my mother. they do not love her. they will have to base their decisions on a computerized matrix dimensional model. what the hell does that mean. data in; answers out.

Red Phoenix

Red Phoenix
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

This sculpture/flowerpot holder is part of the fathers' day present i received from my children and my wife. i really like it. i like that it is recylcled and that there has been some renovation of the original materials. we need to do more like that with our wastes instead of merely filling up the earth with our trash. yes, much of it is biodegradeable, but why do we need so much? just because we can! that is a silly answer. kind of like why we are the most powerful country in the world today - just because we are. by whose standards one might begin to ask. how does one define powerful? i think it is the "one with the most toys, wins" philosophy. that means we are being good Calvinists. we are the best because we are "highly favored" by God, one must also presume. but what if that is really not the case. what if God is waiting to see what we do with the "all" that we have? what if we really do have a responsibility to the needy, the weak and infirm? what if we are only supposed to take what we need and leave the rest for others? what if Hell is already filled with capitalists (not your Ayn Rand capitalist, but your standard, "I am rich because I am smarter than all you other poor slobs, kind of capitalist)? what if we have only so much time to reverse the ravages of this planet before we run out of resources? what if there is no reversal and the slide down the slippery slope is accelerated? that is a lot of what ifs! this is partly spawned by something my eight-year-old told me after soccer tonight. one of the children in his child care program called him a slave today. here we are 2006; the Reds have been telling us that all things being equal is what we as a nation have been striving for. unfortunately some of the people have not heard the message and still live in this country's darkest ages. renaissance of oppression and slavery and women's suffrage...i for one have no desire to return to the good ol' days of the 50s and 60s. my folks did not have it quite so good. Voting Rights Act - Sit Ins - Democaratic National Convention Chicago 1968 - Kent State - separate but equal education....no i think the post 911 Homeland Security is about all the rights i can lose right now. but what if...?

No!

No!
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

my daughter's birthday party was this weekend. it coincided with a soccer tournament for my son. needless to say our lives were a complete blur. one of the girls had to cancel - she forgot about a wedding she would be attending. the party was a complete success. the houe was gushing with estrogen. endless change of clothes - simply for the pleasure and joy of exchanging outfilts. it was enough to drive me crazy.

i spent most of the weekend driving to the Pan-O-Prog Soccer Tournament. The boys were playing in too advanced a group and were like the trues lambs being lead to slaughter. they perservered though and will have probably seen what the high school competition will be like.

that's all for now, folks.

Tulip

Tulip
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

let me summarize my week. it was AWFUL.

Dandelion

Dandelion
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

i am too tired tonight to write more than a line or two. the dandelion is a metaphor for how exhausted i feel. ready to be disembodied any moment now. trial starting in two days and i have so many documents to review. i am supposed to be refreshed though since i only recently returned from a relaxing 3 day vacation...Bluefin Bay this place is high on my list. the sounds of waves crashing against the rocks lulled me to sleep three consecutive nights. even my son noticed. i just have to go back there mentally and have that same sense of tranquility and balance back in my mind. a world where children can stay with their families, because they are not choosing "glass" over love. see you tomorrow following a bitter court hearing.

You Know Who

a few years back when i first started writing i thought i should have a nom de plum. after much consideration and looking at some of e e cummings's poems and reading some haiku i came up with the name - unohu. that has stuck with me through the popularization of the internet and now my own websites. so what does it mean? i do not know. i know that it has become part of my identity. perhaps a secret or hidden part, but part of who i am now. do my kids know who i am? no! how about my mother? nor does she! i will always be something other than unohu to her. more super secrets. who really does know us? very few people it seems. why is this? because of the rush and caustic nature of our exhausting lifestyles. our friends know that we have "little bit of the cap'n" in us, or know what our favorite beer is. most do not know who we really are. ask yourself. how much personal information has a friend recently shared with you. think about their divorce or the abortion or the embarrassing one night stand. ask them about lying in confession or how many times they have re-framed the truth so that it was not an inconvenience for them

this is what i have found out. the more you attempt to hide your real self the more evident who you are becomes. john sayles had this incredible sleeper movie, "The Brother from Another Planet". everyone in the movie project themselves onto this alien. we see what we want to see. we hear what we want to hear. many of us are in denial about what we actually feel, so we do not "know who we are".

the truth is that most of us are too lazy, self-absorbed, frightened or indifferent to ask the questions that would help us know "who you are". so that may be the reasons for so many blogs. self declaration. attempts to lay it all bare. do i know who you are? let's see!

Soccer Mom

Soccer Mom
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

i have this beautiful photograph that i am really proud of. i am fearful of showing it though, because it is an image of woman who is not my partner. i live in a semi-Victorian society that preaches beauty all day long but punishes those who simply admire the beauty. there is no statement attached to the image. it screams sensuality to me. i do not know if it moves others as it does me. that is not really important. this is a personal image. i suppose it is somehow different than thinking about Halle Berry since i have virtually (interesting word choice) no chance of actually meeting her. so here is what i like about this image. the near anonymity - the gentle sweeping curve of her neck, the sunglasses, the casual hair....it is a gestalt kind of experience for me. those that know me will not find this too unusual. probably just another form of my PECULIAR nature.

Talk

My world is filled with talkers. Everyone has something that everyone else needs to hear immediately. That means these talkers are constantly prattling on. When it is time for them to listen, they are still talking. Seldom a need for information as far as I can understand. I admit I could be more talkative. I could communicate my thoughts better. I could share those inner most (first ring maybe) feelings with others. I could but so many talkers and so few listeners make it easy to keep everything stuffed inside. I think that if some of the talkers would merely stop talking long enough the silence might get to the listeners. The deafening silence might beg for the gap to be filled with something else. What most likely will fill that silence though is the voice of one of the talkers who thought of something else that just couldn't wait.

Porsche

Porsche
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

guess this is as close as i get to the Porsche for the rest of my life. this one the kids bought for me. like all the toys they buy they have appropriated it. i had to borrow it to shoot it for a photo project. i am more and more displeased with cars and all things that cause us to live so far away from everything. there was a time when i did not own a car, and travelled by bus, cab or bike. that made going to the grocery store a form of exercise. imagine pulling into Costco now with my little trailer to haul away the megasizes of laundry detergent or snacks. of course, i lived in an apartment that walking distance to Lund's and it gave me an excuse to walk there to pick up ice cream or something. now i could stop there for Caribou coffee, but i can't imagine i would let anyone drink that in the Porsche. see i am better off already.

Hennepin Avenue Bridge

Hennepin Avenue Bridge
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

We had our last soccer practice on Wednesday evening. The kids played hard and it was quite warm here. Instead of rushing home I made a bee line for DT Minneapolis. The setting sun was racing me across the way to the west. I mananged to get this shot of the bridge that spans the Mississippi River in Minneapolis on Hennepin Avenue. I also grabbed a beautiful Medicine Lake Sunset just before I got home. It really got me thinking about what life might be like after the kids are gone. Will I have enough health to do what I like then? Will I have enough money to travel and live abroad for long periods of time? Who knows! That is still quite a few years from now. Time will answer these questions. In the mean while I can enjoy all the beautiful sunsets in my here and now - that is after the soccer and grass and yard work and stuff is done.

Pets Friends Nuisance

Gorilla_17
Originally uploaded by lemai13.

Yesterday my daughter intentionally killed a spider. I found it extremely annoying. Yes, she hates spiders, but this one was not bothering her. It was simply doing its spider thing in our house. We have an old house - built mid-50s or so. It has bugs, like ants and night crawlers and such. Our basement is attached to the garage so I have seen silverfish on occasion when it is humid. Killing the spider was a selfish act. I told her a story - truly make believe. I wanted her to pretend that she was simply going about her business of being a pre-teen. Chatting on the phone and skipping around the detritus on the floor of her room. Some much larger being stepped on her - crushing her world and everything in it, simply because it was afraid of her. I did not yell at her; I did not lecture her, but I wanted her to know that this earth does not belong to us - we belong to it.

This morning I walked around before leaving for work. The guinea pig needed water, the bird that she just had to have needed clean water and food. What no food. I call my responsible daughter on her cell phone. "I guess we are out then" is her casual response. She and her brother will be gone a couple of days - DIVORCE - but I am thinking I might have to just not work on dinner Friday night because ....Those of us who keep pets have a justifiably huge responsibility to those animals. Off my soapbox now!

contemplative

contemplative.jpg
Originally uploaded by matuko.amini.

i was looking for something, actually contemplating something when i saw this image. what is it about moments of contemplation? is contemplation possibly a form of meditation when practiced correctly? can the world's problems be solved if more of us were more contemplative? my guess is yes. we would not have the vagaries of supply side voodoo economics. we would not have gotten involved in another expensive and indefinite war half way around the world under the guise of protecting our own interests. we would not be so likely to finance stadiums for billionaires and the millionaire sport figures who beg for them. we would have more intelligent conversations rather than simple rhetoric about global warming and what our place in the natural scheme of this finite resource planet is. we could come up with solutions to fossil fuels, have smaller neighborhoods, reduced work hours, substantial food resources and a more utopian-like existence. for animals that are so smart, we spend considerable amount of time making work for ourselves. maybe our dogs and cats have it right. eat, sleep, rest in the sun, play and start all over again. we scratch away for a meager existence to do a few things that we think will make us notable or famous or productive or something virtuous _________ . I guess you have to fill in your own blank here. So contemplate these things for a few minutes. What do you want your story to look like? BTW, this is not one of my images. I borrowed this from Matuko at flickr. Go see her work. It will give you something to contemplate.

Beatrice

Beatrice
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

Those of you who know me, know how important my relationship with my mother has been over the years. Six years ago she had a kidney transplant. My sister, Carol, was the donor. During the process of harvesting my sister's kidney (actually just moments before), Beatrice had a small heart attack, her brain was deprived of oxygen for a few mintues and the transplant operation ceased. (they were able to complete the transplant a few days later). Those few minutes though have turned into a life-robbing process of shaving numerous years from her life. It really is difficult to assess this though as she had refused dialysis for the years prior to her eligibilty for the transplant.

Each year we visit the Mayo Clinic and hear that the transplanted kidney is healthy. Once we were beyond the rejection phase of three months or so, we have had to add a knee replacement for her and watched her change from the strong and independent woman to a different mother. This mother loses track of time and space. She spits vitriol at her children in her confusion. She hides other people's possessions. I understand the why this happening. It does not make it any easier. So I will be combing my photographs of Beatrice so that you can all see the mother that I have loved all these years. I hope that you can eknjoy getting to know her as much as I have loved her.

See the sparkle in her eyes.

Beatrice is and always will be a teacher. She was my first teacher and it appears that she will continue to teach me about life, even now, as I watch her drift away from me.

Brew

Brew
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

i really needed this today. today my sister (princess) and my mother left town. it was nearly a traumatic experience. i can't even really think about it too much yet as it leaves me feeling sad and morose.

Demented

 

Watching your parents become old and feeble is hard. I spent the day following a half-day at work driving to the Mayo Clinic to have a medical professional tell me what I already know deep in my soul. My mother (like her mother twenty years ago) is losing all touch with reality. I don't think she is really aware that this is happening because of the brain insult she had when she had her kidney transplant 6 years ago now. She is not oriented to time, space or place. She apparently did know that GHBush is president of the US and that she does not like him or his father. Maybe there is an emotional aspect to some of this. My mother has conversations that wander around the galaxy. She talks about her mother and told strangers on the elevator that she was on her way to visit with her. She talked about my dog being in the car with us. She talked about not wanting to be an inconvenience for any of us; she asked me why I was being so mean to her. She mentioned just moments later that she was really enjoying talking with me. She traversed half a century in moments and recalled moments from my childhood. Then she was back in the present or stopping on her way to a future that I am not privvy to.

I am the one who feels confused and worried. So we will have to have around-the-clock coverage for her once she returns to Atlanta. I spent a chunk of the afternoon searching for adult locator bracelets. Harder to find than I anticipated. GPS chips that can be injected under the skin; I think that we have that for lost pets. Maybe those are just ID chips. Bracelets, anklets, you name it. Cheap ($40) to expensive ($500). But you have to ask yourself; what price for your loved ones. 

ATM

ATM
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

I went to the ATM on my way to Rochester this morning. Mom was at the Mayo for her annual kidney checkup. it has been six years now. my sister, Jacqui, brought her up from Atlanta. Amazingly they managed to get along without killing each other yesterday. Few appointments though. it has become a ritual for my mother to become unglued shortly after she arrives here at my home...like all creatures of habit, she hates the disorientation of unfamiliar surroundings. obviously, my home is not similar to hers in any way. she lost her keys; she misplaced the TV remote (euphemism for hid it in her state of disorientation). i know those keys are here somewhere and i think i will find them before they head back to Atlanta.

ATM is because my sister, the lawyer, who is in charge of my mother's affairs, according to her, was too cheap to get parking, or buy my mother lunch today. she will reimburse herself for all the expenses and probably pay herself for the travel and accompaniment while she has been away from her legal practice.

mom again has agreed to the idea of ASSISTED LIVING. i am not sure if the RN talked her into it or my sister guided the discussion that way. what i know is that my mother will not recall agreeing to ASSISTED LIVING and there will be hell to pay with the siblings. here we go again.

Little One

Marcus w/prop
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

My own little pointdexter-like child. He would never just smile for the camera, but these glasses that he found to hide behind gave him just enough of a prop that he would allow me to capture this image. Imagine that. He loved this!

Anonymous

Anonymous
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

life is full of surprises. there are so many events and moments that we can't plan for. i have been busy the last couple of weeks. last weekend i shot my second wedding. or at least part of a wedding - just the formals after the ceremony. but even then they were in a hurry. i was so surprised that i failed to follow through with the lighting that i wanted to achieve.

this is a photo from my studio lighting class. i was pleased with the results. it was a surprise as well since my camera would not work with the radio transmitter that the others had. oh well, make lemonade when life gives you lemons. if not that, then lemon custard, or lemon pie, or lemon something. i will get to shoot again.

Reds' Rant

Reds
Originally uploaded by unohuu.

she came for a visit on Friday, before Mothers' Day. I am sure she did not know Mothers'Day was approaching, just as I am sure that she did know she was going to see her mommy. She was disappointed though, because Mommy never showed up. Not a tear was shed, nor any cry uttered. She is a trooper, perhaps all to accustomed to the stinging disappointment. I see too many of these placid and sad faces. This one makes me feel truly sad inside. I keep hoping that my work could soon come to an end. We could have better parents in our society. We could eliminate the shaming and debilitating poverty that is one factor in child abuse. We could make a dent in domestic violence and chemical dependency. We could laugh away at illiteracy. We could push racism and sexism out the door. We could do it all, but I now fear we don't care anymore. We all want Hummer H3s (the fuel efficient ones), LCD TVs, 6000 sf homes that we hardly have time to spend in because we are raging workaholics and playaholics. We do not know our neighbors. We do not care about life (except what we can immediately see and touch). We have endless arguments about stadiums and taxes. We have Democrats and Replubicans engaging in senseless rhetoric as our Rome is burning. We have global warming and instead of changing our lifestyles, we argue incessantly about who is to blame. We all are. Maybe she is somber because she is not sure she wants the inheritance that we are leaving for her.

Thoughts

I had two thoughts this morning relating to all the business in people's lives.

1st Thought: What would our lives be like if no one had ever been able to drive through a McDonald's or Burger King or KFC? What if you had to eat there or take it home? I thought about this because I was rushing off to donate blood this morning. In my business I forgot that they wanted to be certain that I had eaten something. Mickey D's; here I come. What impact might this have had on our society? What would it mean if we were not all facing the same way in the car when we started eating as we rushed from this place to that place? What would we have replaced the "car culture" with since nothing occurs in a vacuum? More importantly, what have we missed as we learn to love our cars as we do ourselves?

2nd Thought: Where are we all rushing to? Technology was meant to ease the burdens of our lives. Machines to do the grueling labor, computers to do what took so very many man and woman hours to do in the past? We have these much larger homes, and greater distances to travel regularly. We are a global community, but we often do not know our immediate physical neighbors. We have instant access to financial news, politics, scandal, and weather, but we often fail to take time to utilize the information. We are more easily able to be entertained, yet we do not seem to enjoy and are constantly craving more. Are we insatiable? How much bad news can one person absorb? How much fun can one body take before it needs something sobering? Why so much excess? Perhaps you can tell me!

Less

i am just frustrated and tired of being stuck in the middle. i was born in the middle of my siblings. i am #3 of 5. two considerable older sisters and then the last three of us all bunched together over a short period of 4 years.

i live in a totally middle class neighborhood and i am surrounded by people who have wonderful middle class values. they work hard, they play a bit, save, travel and cut their grass every weekend from May until October. i work hard throughout my week and grass and yardworks are the last thing on my mind. i do not find it meditative or relaxing. i wonder why so much emphasis on the pristine lawn that the neighbors all pour petrochemicals on for fertilization and weed-killing. we don't really spend all that much time in our yard. we play at the soccer fields and badminton practices for the kids. we ride our bikes to the park and we eat on the deck (when the mosquitos are not too bad).

have we been duped into all this middle class manic acquisition as a means to support the megaindustrialists? do any of us really need Suburbans for hauling the kids to soccer? Or our home entertainment places that we are too busy to enjoy? i am thinking smaller is better now. i am thinking getting into a small well-designed home that does not keep me captive every weekend. what happened to weekend jaunts to exciting nearby places? romantic dinners in noisy little bistros and nights of dancing and laughing over beer with friends? is this why we are almost all overweight and developing disorders that the medical professionals are only now giving names to?

less is more in a way. i will keep you posted.

i saw this posted elsewhere. i could not find a person to credit it to, but i am acknowledging that this is not mine. i do think it is great advice. you have to decide for yourself. some of it may be useful, some not. take what you need and leave the rest for someone else.

ADVICE, LIKE YOUTH, PROBABLY JUST WASTED ON THE YOUNG

June 1, 1997

Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:
Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.

a couple

 
it was nearing sunset. i was on my way home and the lighting was nearly perfect. i stopped and wandered down the path by the abandoned building. across the creek i could see a couple. she had a camera in hand and they were shooting portraits i think. when they became aware of my presence they took of in a direction that i could not easily follow. i was not really interested in them anyway. i thought this would simply be the most advantageous spot to see parts of this abandoned site that i had not previously seen. it is a site worth exploring sometime with shadows and stray light through broken and jagged windows. i was glad to know that someone else appreciates the antiquity and graffiti that i see as i pass by here regularly. 

More Tulips

More Tulips
Originally uploaded by Luke Luther.

question that comes to mind is what will these look like come Mothers' Day? what do you think?

Wake Up Everybody

worked with a couple today in my last session. they are the epitome of a relationship in trouble. they both are in tremendous pain but do not seem to hear that the mate is also in pain. no ability to listen to each other. no compassion. lots of yes, buts. the husband wants revenge and the wife simply wants a break from the constant harangue of criticism. i am not sure that either one of them heard what i had to say. i was quite distraught when i left the counseling office. it is a symptom of the rushing and doing that permeates our mindsets. we have to have this_________ and to do that_____. we must be seen here (______) and heard listening to_______ or talking with_____. you have to fill in all your own blanks here.

so right now i am listening to Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes and now Jean Luc Ponty on his electric violin.

Flowers are blooming here. My wife has tulips coming in. I love them before they bloom. See the most recent photos at Someday Studio.

tomorrow i may also have time to get to the flower gardens at Lake Harriet.

it starts with a look across a room. most of the space between that moment and the onset of hopeless disrepair is a blur. a hormone-induced and meaningful blur, but obviously not reality anyway. it feels like we are running apart from each other. i work harder at being a family guy; coming home from work and making time for my wife and kids. she works long hours and then wants to be the center of all the attention when she is available. inevitable conflict. i am supposed to shut off my feelings for my children when they leave my house each week. then we can just be a newly wed couple who have time for expensive dinners and all the stuff that she wants. i guess not bearing the children means not having to take any responsibility for them. there was a dad at soccer practice last night who was talking with his son's mother. it appeared to me that he was quite bored, just sitting there with the other soccer parents, watching their children learn to play together and grow in those little ways all to evident when you watch and talk with them regularly. i thought it was ironic that i was better able to talk to this mom than her son's father (i am guessing they were not married). see our kids go to the same school and share some of the same friends. a commonality - small but important. now i have my own wife who does not want me to invest time and energy into our children (she is the only one calling herself step-mom) and asking me to do what policymakers have already deemed to be anathema. african-american father that i am, i should simply ignore the needs of my own children because i have "another" family now. smells like jealousy to me.

Great idea

This quote I saw this morning while relaxing a bit. It is succint!

"Knowing the truth is fairly useless; feeling it is profound; living it makes all the difference."

Green

 

We are now in the middle of Spring. Tulips are coming up. Flowers are blooming. Pollen and dust are floating and blowing in the spring breezes. Days are warm and nights are pleasantly cool. Just the way I like it. It will not stay this way. We will continue to the hot and muggy summer months here. Those months I really used to enjoy but I think I will want to escape some of the summer heat here. Tempers are already short. Patience is in short supply. If it is too hot here we may have a summer of discontent. If gas prices cross the $3/gal mark before Memorial Day, there will be trouble in KC, and NYC, plenty of other places. Why me might actually start to slow down. But the machine will want to see progress and innovation (as long as innovation does not cut into huge corporate excesses and frivolous use of shareholder's net gains). After all $400 million to a retiring executive who has already robbed the coffers is a bit of excess...even in America. Who knew? 

Life

This is what happens while I observe and wait for the best parts to start. Everything seems to be working backwards from where I was a year ago. Just when I think our marriage has improved I find that I have again done something horribly wrong. This week it was taking my daughter to her therapy appointment on a day that she is not usually with me. That meant I would have to have contact with my ex since she would come pick up the kids. Well the therapy appointment time was all wrong. My son told me he was hungry; I shrugged off the inconvenience and took the kids to Pizzeria Uno; called the ex and told her to meet us there. I made the mistake of sharing my quesadillas with her. When I told my wife this she blew a gasket. It seems that the stars were all aligned and in duplicitous efforts she cancelled coming to the appointment (of her own accord); turned off her cell so I could not reach her; waited for me following the tryst with my ex and the kids and I was late because I stopped to buy some film at the camera store. I forgot to mention that only 1/2 hour earlier I had been accosted telephonically buying posterboard for a school project (again, not on my day)!

the ensuing squabble resulted in an all night harangue and me going to bed with headache. but the discussion (argument, conflagration, melee) did not stop there. i was kicked by my adoring and considerate wife because she was angry with me for refusing to continue this well into the night. i told her i simply had had enough. when the kicking became too much i rose from the bed, headed to basement and slept on the uncomfortable sofa that i hate to SIT on, let alone try to sleep on. next day, it was my fault for refusing to listen to her temperamental tirade. gotta reconsider that.

Urban Trees

These provide us with shade (homes); cool breezes (air conditioning); and fuel (eneergy for micowave, coffeemaker, etc). We all hate them in our backyard, but we consume more electricity every year. Our computers, microwave ovens, battery and small electric chargers, lights, larger TV and HES (Home Entertainment Systems); laptops, PSII, Gamecubes, VCRs, Tivo and DVRs. Well I think you get it. We are certainly reap what we have sown. More wood for larger homes that we spend less time in; not more. Bigger kitchens, bedrooms as large as 1950s era houses. 60 Minutes reported on the number of hours corporate workers spend at their jobs or connected to their jobs. Amazingly the small appliances keep us connected to the workplace, yet they do not make us more productive (efficient). We are number 4 or so on the list - right after some of those lazy Europeans who take many hours of vacation each year. What is going on? Your guess is as good as mine. But I would fathom a simple guess - we have our priorities confused.