it all depends on your perspective. Lebanon and Israel. I have heard the arguments and agree that both sides have some valid concerns. When do we stop killing the innocent? Blood has spilled on both sides. This is worse than the Hatfields and the McCoys.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
New Order
So many of us see the world in terms of simple Black and White; Yes or No; Right or WrongThese kind of polemical discussions serve little purpose in achieving harmony. We allow our differences to define us. It really is not necessary. Here is one definition of Polemics: Function: noun
Etymology: French polémique, from Middle French, from polemique controversial, from Greek polemikos warlike, hostile, from polemos war; perhaps akin to Greek pelemizein to shake, Old English ealfelo baleful
Date: 1638 1 a : an aggressive attack on or refutation of the opinions or principles of another b : the art or practice of disputation or controversy -- usually used in plural but sing. or plural in constr.
2 : an aggressive controversialist
The world as we know it won't survive another World War. There are too many disputants now. Christian vs Muslim vs Jew vs Rich vs Poor vs Western vs Eastern or Third World (where is the 2nd World?) vs ________________. What about our common humanity? Why can't we remove our masks and allow each other to see our common humanity?
I have more in common with those most unlike me than I would care to admit. Physically we are created so similarly. I choose to shed the false masks that I have worn. I will be neither Democrat nor Republican; I will embrace my humanit as well as yours. I will accept that your experiences are uniquely personal and while different than mine are no less valid. I will see you for who you are, not who I want you to be in my reality. I will leave my solipsism long enough to taste another bite of this great grape vine of our lives.
Etymology: French polémique, from Middle French, from polemique controversial, from Greek polemikos warlike, hostile, from polemos war; perhaps akin to Greek pelemizein to shake, Old English ealfelo baleful
Date: 1638 1 a : an aggressive attack on or refutation of the opinions or principles of another b : the art or practice of disputation or controversy -- usually used in plural but sing. or plural in constr.
2 : an aggressive controversialist
The world as we know it won't survive another World War. There are too many disputants now. Christian vs Muslim vs Jew vs Rich vs Poor vs Western vs Eastern or Third World (where is the 2nd World?) vs ________________. What about our common humanity? Why can't we remove our masks and allow each other to see our common humanity?
I have more in common with those most unlike me than I would care to admit. Physically we are created so similarly. I choose to shed the false masks that I have worn. I will be neither Democrat nor Republican; I will embrace my humanit as well as yours. I will accept that your experiences are uniquely personal and while different than mine are no less valid. I will see you for who you are, not who I want you to be in my reality. I will leave my solipsism long enough to taste another bite of this great grape vine of our lives.
Trial Coverage
i spent the entire day in court, except lunch with my co-worker. i was first on the stand. both Mom and Dad are sitting in the courtroom. i am looking them both square in the face when i state with no equanamity that it is in their children's best interests that their parental rights be terminated. i am already overcome by sadness. it almost feels as if i have failed. there must have been something that i could have done that would have convinced this mother that drinking would only lead to her ruin. that the slippery sloppy slope of sloe gin and O'Douls would eventually mean that someone else was going to have to parent her children. but i was done testifying much more quickly than i ever have. the public defender barely had any questions of me. no, i have not seen his client intoxicated. no, i have no evidence that the beer she had would lead to a relapse.
Dad is recalled to the stand. he is discredited by 1) a review of his criminal history, which includes multiple assaults on mom, eventually resulting in a prison conviction; 2) the flawed testimony in which he recounts that he has not been given information about his case plan, although he signed the plan and acknowledged receipt of that plan almost one year ago. he is given one final opportunity to recant the statement that he shared with me and the FP about mom's drinking. he is reminded that perjury is a felony, that could result in the revocation of his parole (remember the domestic abuse prison conviction). he pauses much too long while he ponders the consequences for himself. he swears that he never shared that information with me. but it is too late. all the professionals, including the judge, have already noted the pregnant poignant moment.
we are not yet quite done. more in August.
Dad is recalled to the stand. he is discredited by 1) a review of his criminal history, which includes multiple assaults on mom, eventually resulting in a prison conviction; 2) the flawed testimony in which he recounts that he has not been given information about his case plan, although he signed the plan and acknowledged receipt of that plan almost one year ago. he is given one final opportunity to recant the statement that he shared with me and the FP about mom's drinking. he is reminded that perjury is a felony, that could result in the revocation of his parole (remember the domestic abuse prison conviction). he pauses much too long while he ponders the consequences for himself. he swears that he never shared that information with me. but it is too late. all the professionals, including the judge, have already noted the pregnant poignant moment.
we are not yet quite done. more in August.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Value of Family
If there is anyone out there who reads this, today is a special day. See my first published photoessay here UtataSpeaks. This project means so much to me. Family has become a truly meaningful part of my existence. I work with families. I see the despair and destruction of families. I pray for the healing of families.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Annoyed
Strange things happened today. One of my clients lied. He bald-faced got on the sworn-in-witness chair and lied. I was flummoxed. He got caught in that lie. It was painful to watch this convicted domestic abuse just out of prison felon squirm as he realized he had been caught.
I called a client simply to speak with her today. She answered the phone and proceeded to tell me she was indisposed. She was not that delicate but I got the message. I asked if she wanted to talk then and she sounded surprised. I had already told her that her condition was more than I needed to know. She agreed to call me back.
I called another client late in the day. The person who answered the phone heard my voice and hung up. I dialed a second time and this person hung up again. The third time I called I decided to state my business purpose for calling the telephone number. The response was [urban vernacular] "She on the ho stroll makin' me my money". I had to think about this. I asked what he (I now know it was a male voice) said and he had already hung up. I sat there stunned for a monent trying to deciper what he had said. Hopefully, I got it. "She is on the Whore Stroll (Prostituting herself) making me my money [earning a regular beating when she comes in for not really allowing herself to be abused] [meta-message {I am her pimp} square boy] and don't call here anymore.
How was your day today?
I called a client simply to speak with her today. She answered the phone and proceeded to tell me she was indisposed. She was not that delicate but I got the message. I asked if she wanted to talk then and she sounded surprised. I had already told her that her condition was more than I needed to know. She agreed to call me back.
I called another client late in the day. The person who answered the phone heard my voice and hung up. I dialed a second time and this person hung up again. The third time I called I decided to state my business purpose for calling the telephone number. The response was [urban vernacular] "She on the ho stroll makin' me my money". I had to think about this. I asked what he (I now know it was a male voice) said and he had already hung up. I sat there stunned for a monent trying to deciper what he had said. Hopefully, I got it. "She is on the Whore Stroll (Prostituting herself) making me my money [earning a regular beating when she comes in for not really allowing herself to be abused] [meta-message {I am her pimp} square boy] and don't call here anymore.
How was your day today?
Trial
Again in the middle of a multiple day trial. I have to sit across the table from the mother that I will be testifying about as an unfit parent. Makes my stomach do cartwheels.
Maybe if I am lucky we can have some sort of semi-settlement. What would I settle for? How is that possibly in the best interests of the children? What part of unfit do I fail to understand. This is not some kind of political mumbo-jumbo. I do not have a spin doctor (publicist) that can re-phrase my thoughts into a positive light.
Here are the basics:
She drinks to excess to often.
When she drinks she does mean things to her children like fighting with them.
She has a history of horribly abusive relationships. If she can't protect herself and excercise clear judgment about the relationships, how can I trust that she will look after the vulnerable children?
She is manipulative!
She refuses to accept that any of the above is true (even only at times).
She burned her own house down while arguing with her drunk and abusive boyfriend.
She doesn't really want to parent the children. She has been making deals for more than a year now. Somebody else take care of them, and I will be ready in about one year. Ican't imagine telling those kids they have to wait to see if their mother is ready to love and care for them.
Maybe if I am lucky we can have some sort of semi-settlement. What would I settle for? How is that possibly in the best interests of the children? What part of unfit do I fail to understand. This is not some kind of political mumbo-jumbo. I do not have a spin doctor (publicist) that can re-phrase my thoughts into a positive light.
Here are the basics:
She drinks to excess to often.
When she drinks she does mean things to her children like fighting with them.
She has a history of horribly abusive relationships. If she can't protect herself and excercise clear judgment about the relationships, how can I trust that she will look after the vulnerable children?
She is manipulative!
She refuses to accept that any of the above is true (even only at times).
She burned her own house down while arguing with her drunk and abusive boyfriend.
She doesn't really want to parent the children. She has been making deals for more than a year now. Somebody else take care of them, and I will be ready in about one year. Ican't imagine telling those kids they have to wait to see if their mother is ready to love and care for them.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Half way home
it has already been a summer of consumption...soccer, family, parties, emotions, money, time, energy. i am looking forward to autumn so that i can have a bit of rest. soccer was at least twice a week; there was a basketball camp; a college tour for the twelve year old; gymnastics camp; articulture for a week. we had sleepovers and almost sleepovers - you know when the kids are ready to go home, it is easier just to take them, even if it is the middle of the night. i had a quick trip to Atlanta to visit with my sisters and mother - and to discuss an ASSISTED LIVING facility. that issue is still not resolved. i have to take sleepover Sally home by 12 noon...it is 11:50 a.m. right now.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Out There
I know I should be grateful and gracious and patient and kind. I was Boy Scout and I have been thoroughly indoctrinated into the halls of gentemanhood. Yet, I am tired. Tired of people making threats and promises; tired of the open hostility that so many of us carry around with us. It is just too hard for me to make it through a day without seeing something ugly. This bridge is the crossing into a fantasy land. A place I could go and live like Peter Pan. No worries mate. I understand that this place simply doesn't exist, but I can still dream about, eh? Where would you go if you simply needed rest and respite from your worries?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Sam
This is the maternal grandfather that I never knew. He had died while my mother was young. She was raised by her saintly mother and older siblings. Now my mother is getting old. I took this from the wall in her home and made a copy of it for all the siblings. My mother is adamant that we not take her picture. I will have to disobey her. We have so very few of them that I realize that my children (her grandchildren) are not really going to know the strong independent and intelligent woman that I grew up with. We hope she can come to live with us for a spell. No word yet from the anti-social worker. It is quite disheartening that we have to spend our limited family resources going through these awful motions. We really are not asking much. Let grandmother spend some time with her youngest grandchildren. I am fairly certain she would not want to spend winters here anyway. But what a great place to spend the summer. We have a nice backyard and a deck and mosquitos galore now that it has rained. We have a grill and great neighbors and a wonderful neighborhood. We live on a quiet street. We have these awesome trees in our yard. Let grandmother come here until October 12, and then she can go elsewhere for the winter. I have a sister in Memphis who will gladly allow her to live there. I have a brother in Louisville, KY who will be glad to have his mother in his home. I have a sister in Atlanta who will gladly have our mother in her home. I have two sisters in Atlanta, though, who seem hell bent on making sure Mom is away from all possible family and love. I think they are just tired of being involved with her day to day. I think they have forgotten how we as a family have struggled through the bad times. I think they have too much faith in a corrupt and overwhelmed system that will warehouse our mother. I think they think they know best. I think they are wrong. Why can't we just give some of the alternatives a try before we put her out to pasture? I wish I knew.
Wonder what Sam would say? Wonder what Carter G would have to say about this? See, Sam is related to Carter G Woodson somehow or the other. At least that is the story I have been told all these years.
This is the same woman that cared for me when I was asthmatic and overwrought and tired and desolate. I think I could do the same for her for a few years. What do you think?
Saturday, July 15, 2006
The Majestic
i came back recently from a week on the road. i drove to Hotlanta to visit with siblings and to check in on my mother. Two of the sibs are ready to place dear ol' Mom into an assisted living facility. they wish to do this inspite of it being against my mother's wishes and that three of her biological children and one non-biological child are willing to have mom live in one of the other homes. so i met with the anti-social worker who presented a modified set of lies to me. i even tried to get her engaged into alternatives to AL, but it appears she has made up her mind. social services are worlds apart on opposite sides of the Mason-Dixon line. i have to repeatedly advise my clients of their rights and we have something we like to think of as open disclosure. if my client is not doing quite so well, i tell him/her so that they do not feel blind-sided when we go to court. i asked for the anti-social worker's summary of the family meeting in writing and she simply refused. i asked for a listing of AL and she ignored my request.
not easily daunted, i found the websites and the physical office space of agencies that WOULD assist me and i was able to get what i needed. the dreaded four have now officially declined to move mom to AL and countered that she may live with any one of the four of us. i started the search for services here before i left Hotlanta and had an email response on my desk when i arrived yesterday.
this restaurant has been in the area for some time. i love old diners and prefer non-franchised places to eat. it has an old time feel to it. the food while not spectacular was good. i would love to go for a late night/early morning visit as i believe the clientele will have changed. it is an easy find - right there on Ponce de Leon not far from the glitzy central core of Atlanta. stray from The Underground and Coca-Cola for a spell and see more of the real thing.
not easily daunted, i found the websites and the physical office space of agencies that WOULD assist me and i was able to get what i needed. the dreaded four have now officially declined to move mom to AL and countered that she may live with any one of the four of us. i started the search for services here before i left Hotlanta and had an email response on my desk when i arrived yesterday.
this restaurant has been in the area for some time. i love old diners and prefer non-franchised places to eat. it has an old time feel to it. the food while not spectacular was good. i would love to go for a late night/early morning visit as i believe the clientele will have changed. it is an easy find - right there on Ponce de Leon not far from the glitzy central core of Atlanta. stray from The Underground and Coca-Cola for a spell and see more of the real thing.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Sweetness
i was worried. this was my first paid child portrait. heck, it was my first portrait session, period. mom was 45 minutes late getting here. i thought maybe she changed her mind and simply wanted to go to ProEx or JCPenney portrait studio. i dutifully set up my lights and a backdrop and had my wife pose so i could set the background light and the mainlight. it worked. although this was not perfect, it was damn close. that little studio lighting class really was worth every penny i paid to attend. meet my little model. her mother is my wife's friend. she and her husband just recently signed the divorce papers. i have been offering them both some portraits of their darling daughter for months now. mom decided to give it a shot. i made her an incredible offer - cheap setting fee and you can keep the disc. i agreed to shoot some medium format as well. i hope to leave those negatives to be developed tomorrow and pick up early next week. my little angel squirmed and fretted but settled down and apart from the flash burn on her arms, all things came out fairly well. i wish i had been able to keep the flower in the frame, but i was actually watching her face instead. live and learn. hey, want a cheap portrait before my prices go up?
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Be a Pepper
my family is currently embroiled in conflict regarding the care of my mother. the police, the court system and now social services are involved. this all happens some 14 hours away from where i live. only 3 by plane. my sisters are probably weary of the unending tasks associated with caring for our mother. she needs constant attention and has both elements of dementia and paranoia that she experiences. i am guessing on a really bad day, they have to deal with both of these extreme emotional states.
now my younger sister, the lawyer, and my oldest sister took my other sister to court for abusing my mother. i know that emotions are running hot because this made my blood boil. i was thinking things and having blurred vision while my father told me about all this. he really wants me to get this situation under control quickly. i have some ideas but i am not sure anyting i have to say can remedy this situation. there is some considerable embarrassment because we have traditionally been a quiet unassuming and emotionally reserved family. public humiliation and exposure of even this sort feels like we are preparing for the Jerry Springer show. i am shocked that my sisters did this, but i have to tell myself that they must have felt desperate. desperation is the enemy of the thinking person. it starves the mind of reason. now we are exposed and the lines will have been drawn. my job as social worker and middle child is to find a way to extricate us from this horrible ignominy.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Winding Down
it was a tough week. first time in a very long time i was ready to walk away from my job. have asked myself what i could have done differently. i am not sure that i could have made a difference here. the trial loss combined with the supervisory change and family problems leaves me feeling almost overwhelmed. no rest. calls to make and always more work. after yesterday i knew i needed to simply wind down. seeing that little girl cry was more than i could take. her terror becomes my shame. her fear remains on my consciousness. her pending reality is a drain on my emotional resources. if the buck does not stop here, then where does this all end?
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